Does he have a flirting problem or am I just insecure?

[ladeeda80]

I was off of facebook for 3 weeks and I was going to post something on his wall. I saw some tagged pictures of him. There were two and each had this girl sitting on his shoulders. One of them you could see her crotch. I called him and asked him wtf is that all about? He said he was just having fun with his friends and he knows me better than that he would do anything farther. I know he wouldn't, but seeing that picture really pissed me off. We are long distance right now.

Then this morning I found another picture of him picking up another girl lifting her into the air. I've seen him do this before, but it still makes me mad and a bit hurt.

He's in DC this week for a convention. When I called him about the first 2 pics he said I was ruining his time and that I have nothing to worry about. I told him maybe we shouldn't talk till Sunday about it when he gets back.

Is it me? Should I be more trusting of him? I know for a fact he won't do anything, he never EVER has, but the fact he's doing that still pisses me off. What can we do to resolve the issue? Is it me or him? Or both?

[girl68]

It's inappropriate to be that physical with females. Tell him so and don't approach with that WTF attitude- that will only get you an angry and defensive reaction from him. Instead approach camly, tell him that those sorts of interactions are inappropriate and it doesn't make you feel good. Noting also that while he does this doesn't mean you think he'll cheat, and that your trust him you just don't think behaviour like that is acceptable for a male in a relationship.

[Gigabitch]

I agree with girl68. Your approach is confrontational, and that doesn't serve your interests in this case. Explain it to him as if he's a mentally retarded person, with lots of repetition and small words. It sounds like he needs this.

[Raze]

Ruining his time? What the ****? lol. I think you need to trash this loser.

[kitkitkitty]

how long have you been together? how old are you both? i can see why you were pissed, i would be especially if it's LD. id say let him think over how it must have made you feel til, like you said, sunday but txt him once in a while to show youre mature enough to not 'give him the silent treatment'. whilst your initial reaction may not have helped i probably wouldve been the same. thinking through it will help you and stay calm when you talk about it. like, force yourself to im sure he'll respect you for it too.

[Mish]

Are you guys just dating or in an exclusive relationship?

[ladeeda80]

We are exclusive.

So I had to text him what the deal was. He noticed the way I was acting. I wanted to wait to talk about it but he wanted to know. I think texting actually worked out to my benefit because he was able to read it and stay calm while I incorporated humor into it. I did what you advised, to use small words and be repetitive. I did and it worked out great!! He understands. I kept stressing that we are in an exclusive, serious relationship that is long-distance and that I think it is inappropriate to be so physical with other girls. I know that he doesn't want any more than that and I just think because of our status, behavior like that is a no-no. He said, "I treat my guy friends like that." And I told him that they are guys and he is not gay so it's not the same thing. I said if he treated all his friends the same regardless of sex then I would be worried because he'd flirt with men. He found this funny and got the point. I felt really good, I was on top of things. I made my point clear. I guess I have to do the slow, "talk like he's mentally retarded" thing, as bad as that sounds.

But I got what I wanted. I am very, very happy! Thank you!

[girl68]

Good work!

[Raze]

I still think that was rude of him to say you are ruining his time. I just don't have good feelings about that. Not what you're looking for in a reply I'm sure, but it's my opinion on the matter.

[Gigabitch]

If he posted a pic of a guy friend riding on his shoulders where you could see the guy's crotch, I'd have some serious concerns about your relationship. Just saying.

[ladeeda80]

Well the reason he said that and it wasn't exactly "You're ruining my good time," it was more like, "I wanted to come here and have fun and now this comes up." is because I did come at him with a confrontational attitude and he reacted in a way I would have expected. I felt bad about how I went about it the first time because this conference is important and it's only the second time he's been out this summer. He has 3 part time jobs and an internship and it was a big deal to him. I should have calmed down before I did anything. Regardless, everything was discussed rationally and I was heard and he knows now.

True, if there was a guy on his shoulders and I could see his ding dong, I would definitely be concerned!!!