My mind is a mess

[thisishard]

About this girl. Ive been getting to know her very well for 6 months and we hadnt met. We were amazingly close , talk all day kind of thing. We both wanted to meet each other obviously and she would say things like 'i wont be satisfied till we are official and that she wanted me etc.

I went to hers, 4 hour train journey as a suprise. I stayed there 3 or 4 days, and whilst we were there we were super close, acting like a couple - even infront of her friends. She almost cried at the station too.

Since then she has been distancing herself, being blunt and not texting back etc - saying she has 'other things going on atm' and keeps saying that we a really good friends to people. When clearly we were definitely more than that. When i question her about it i dont get any kind of straight answer. No idea what to say anymore - i cant let 6 months of us go to waste for just 4 days together, and i dont think i can just step back into being good friends because that will hurt even more knowing i couldnt have her. Also hurts me when i see her blatently flirting with another guy on facebook, and mentioning him everywhere when i dont even get a text back any more. She isnt as flirty/lovely with me on skype anymore and doesnt do the cute things we used to do before i visited

I cant begin to understand where this drastic change has come from. She tells me she doesnt want to lose me, but it feels like she is trying to.

Advice on what I should do or say?

[xxazurexx]

You turned up out of the blue and as a 'surprise'...

Sorry, but if you had tiurned up to surprise me and without my knowing you were arriving, I'd have sent you back packing!! lol

In fact that happened to me. I was chatting to a guy for four months. Was dumb enough to tell him where I was located, but wise enough to withold my address and he showed up one day unexpectedly, called me and announced he was in my town. I refused to meet him and simply because I don't like those kinds of surprises - plus I found it a lot stalkerish and kinda creepy. I ditched him afterwards....

Anyways, you've met her....now she appears to be making excuses. My feeling is, she wasn't feeling it for you in 'real' life and despite giving an impression she did..
She still wants to be friends, to ease her guilt.

This stuff happens all the time.

[Raze]

I remember watching a Sienfield episode in which George Constanza stated, "Staying with a GF you've been with a short amount of time for 72 hours will destroy the relationship." Jerry didn't listen to George and ended up staying with his GF in some place for 3 days and all he could do was think about getting the hell out of there.

You jumped the gun a little bit... not just a little bit, a lot actually.

[thisishard]

I understand your comments, but we had been talking about meeting a fair bit, she even said to her friend that she wished I could come over (that same week) but it would be too short notice. We had actually planned to go to Wales together with a few people like the week after, but i knew i couldnt make it and she was upset about that. So i dunno

[Raze]

I understand your comments, but we had been talking about meeting a fair bit, she even said to her friend that she wished I could come over (that same week) but it would be too short notice. We had actually planned to go to Wales together with a few people like the week after, but i knew i couldnt make it and she was upset about that. So i dunno

There's a difference between talking about it and actually doing it. I garauntee you that if anyone spends let's say 3 days together wiith someone they haven't been a relationship a long time with all day 24/7 they will get sick of each other faster than you can say I want my mommy. Hell, even some people that have been married for years would have problems with this.

Why do you think so many people have jobs? Money and.......... think about it.

[thisishard]

I guess thats a good explaination, although i wasnt sick of her at all.

Anyway any advice on what i should do or say? Im hurting too much atm

[kitkitkitty]

you were the one that surprised her so you wouldnt have been sick of her. 6 months of internet talking and suddenly turning up outa the blue? i agree, sounds stalkerish. what if she had plans that you didn't know about. she probably felt forced to show you round, meet friends or whatever. and it doesnt sound like you did do anything bf/gf like which reinforces what we've all said. 3 days is a long time to 'get to know each other', especially after your 6 months of talking. im pretty sure you wouldve seen sparks fly.

[xxazurexx]

I understand your comments, but we had been talking about meeting a fair bit, she even said to her friend that she wished I could come over (that same week) but it would be too short notice. We had actually planned to go to Wales together with a few people like the week after, but i knew i couldnt make it and she was upset about that. So i dunno

Well then perhaps she hadn't been pissed at you turning up.

You maybe just didn't live up to her expectations in 'real' life. Online romancing is all fantasy and because you have never met and we can't be sure we will like someone or not/or if there is really more there and until we meet them in real life. People meet all the time and it sometimes doesn't go past a first meeting....depends if they feel that 'spark' or not and that spark has to be mutual and for things to progress.. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Just means that she is looking for something different and you were not it.

She has now met you for real. If there was anything more there on her part, she would want to pursue it and be as keen as you are to pursue it.