I think I made a big mistake... what do I do?

[Crowley]

Alright... so my issue is that I've fallen for someone who isn't available. I read other posts like this but my situation is a little different.

I met this girl a little while ago and I was attracted to her from the start. As soon as she said the word boyfriend tho I decided to try and back off a bit cause I didn't want this to happen...

We've been fine as friends for a while, I was doing well in not getting emotionally attached. But things kinda changed... she said she really needed a place to stay and asked if I could be her roommate.

My INSTINCTS told me no. But... my desire to help her won. So now we've been living together for a while, and things were fine.
Here's where it gets weird; we started sleeping together (actually sleeping not sexual) and this has begun to lead to cuddling, holding hands, etc. One night she basically told me she wanted to have sex but didn't want to be a cheater. We came close to kissing but I stopped because I told her I'd respect her relationship. She would run her fingers through my hair and caress my chest and pull me in tightly. She told me if she were single she would give me a chance.
And this is where I started developing feelings... I thought she may have had feelings as well otherwise she wouldn't act like this. I don't know what to think. Basically it is now known that I like her and she said she wouldn't date me unless she were single. Which I understand and knew from the beginning but now I'm left wondering why she even got that close to me.

So now I don't know what the hell to do. I'm pretty beat up because of my feelings for her, but I know it would hurt too much to live with her. I don't want to abandon her and tell her to move out either.

[girl68]

bone her- at least you can both get your rocks off. she's already a cheater and you're already attatched why not just get it on?

[lahnnabell]

So, where the hell is her boyfriend in this whole mess?

And yes, your situation is just like everyone else's. Against your better judgment, you put yourself in a position to get emotionally attached to a female that was not available. Do you think that because you said/did all of those things that it somehow makes you different?

[Crowley]

I meant my situation is different cause she's actually living with me.

[lahnnabell]

Well, it does make this situation anymore convenient for you other than that you can play off your attraction to one another very easily. She's obviously enjoying the extra attention at the moment, 'cause I'm sure she wouldn't act like this with you when her boyfriend comes around. Doesn't seem like she wants to leave him either.

Why couldn't she move in with her boyfriend anyway? If she was in a difficult spot, he should've been the first person she went to.

[kitkitkitty]

i think for her not to want to cheat...sleeping with her room mate, stroking his chest and saying she'd have sex with you. you haven't done it but the emotional attatchment between you 2 would hurt her bf even more. good on you for resisting cos she doesn't seem to deserve her bf. but if you had sex, she left her bf and you 2 got together, you'd forever know that if she cheated on her ex, she could do exactly the same to you given the opportunity. she's taking her bf for granted and it's not right.

[Crowley]

That's the main reason I resisted her right there. I don't want her to leave her BF for me cause I'd be afraid she'd do the same to me. And I wondered why the BF wouldn't help her out as well.

Basically I am wondering if she has feelings for me beyond just sexual attraction and... whether or not to seperate our living situation.

[lahnnabell]

If you want to stop feeling sexually and emotionally frustrated, she needs to find a new living situation. This will only continue as long as you allow it.

You don't have to be mean about it. She obviously knows of your feelings for her, and it is possible she's using that to her advantage (i.e. having a place to stay). Be matter of fact.

Don't keep her at your place in the hopes that this will all turn around for your benefit. It won't.

[girl68]

well it ain't going to get no better while she still lives with you.

[kitkitkitty]

is there only one bedroom in your place? if there isn't...her bf must be paranoid [and right] and if you could have separate rooms... tell her to sleep in her own bed.

[Crowley]

Yeah its a single bedroom. We were planning to get a two bedroom after she found a job. But I'm thinking that's probably not a good idea either. I didn't have her move in with me as a means to get what I want. And I wasn't thinking I'd keep her around till things go my way. It's just that she was crying and stressed and even though I could tell things might turn bad, I wanted to help. I couldn't ignore her.

[kitkitkitty]

i don't see why her bf couldn't help her.

[IndiReloaded]

This is about your standards. If you think she should break up with her GF, just tell her so. Something like "I really like you. But I just don't feel comfortable having this much intimacy with someone who has a BF/GF". Then step back and let her handle the ball, which you'll have firmly placed in her court.

Good luck.

[Crowley]

I already know how that would turn out. I didn't want to breach her trust or add more stress either. =\

[IndiReloaded]

^Sorry, but your response is the equivalent of sticking your head in the sand. Really, what are your alternatives? Let her cheat. You do know that if she does this, she will do the same to you eventually? If you don't confront her, you will lose her respect as well as your own. Up to you tho.