need advice

[Shenika90210]

me and my boyfriend been together for a year and 4months... we've been on and off in between but i have a problem. we just recently got back together and now i see no difference. im in love wit him but ugh! he doesnt act like a boyfriend half da time. he pretty laid back. alot of people have told me to move on and find sum one else who could treat u better but i wanna stay wit him. im his first long term relationship plus he says she scared of commitment. is dat a sign of sumthin bad or should i be patient??

[Matt04]

Give him a bit of time. I would say at least 3 months at most. If he doesn't come around to commitmenting, then I would tell him either you commit, or I'm leaving. And yes I know it's hard to leave for you, but sometimes you have to so you don't waste your life waiting on something that might not happen.

[Shenika90210]

Wow... 3 months? Dat seems like a lot of time just to see if he comes around. I'm not a patient person so imma want to say somethin. My relatinship needs a whole lot of work, but I don't kno where to start.

[Kori Jung]

just give him some time first....if u push him to commit now, he won't. he may just leave. it's his first long term relationship...i think it does take some time for him to get used to it.

[kitkitkitty]

you've only just gotten back together so you've gotta give it some time, however long you see fit. if nothing changes, ask him whats going on in that head of his. if he talks about commitment issues remind him how long you've been together. but tbh, if you've been on/off this must be the perfect kind of situation for him.

[nerdy_guy]

On and off relationships means that you're not compatible and you're forcing it to work.

[Shenika90210]

u guys are right but ughhh..... im confused and lost at da same time. part of me wanna move on and find sum one else but da other haldf of me wants to stay wit him. i have faith in dis relationship but i kinda pullin myself away. how do i get him to tell me how he fells. its like he give me mixed signals.

my real problem is.... i want him to be more affectionate. i know i cant change him but i dont think he knows (since im da first he's been in a relationship for dis long) wat hes doin. i have faith in us but bein patient is killin me!

[lovefool87]

I think you should do what you want to do. Like Beyonce says "If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it"

Its the same concept. If he wants you around and loves you, then he needs to learn to commit better. I'm not saying get engaged, but at least make you feel more secure in the relationship. If he can't find that within himself, then you deserve to be with someone else. It is good that you feel strongly about him, it means you have feelings! So take those feelings to someone who will appreciate them.

If you leave him, he may see what he's missing and try to get you back OR you will meet someone worthwhile. In other words, it's a win-win situation for you!

[kitkitkitty]

is it possible to have complete faith in an on/ off relationship?

[lovefool87]

Kitkitkitty- My personal belief is NO. I've been there and a "lightswitch" relationship has a lot to do with low self-esteem.

[kitkitkitty]

exactly what i think. you can only have true faith in a relationship that's not, as you say, like a light switch.

[Shenika90210]

I just wanna let him kno wats up. But I don't kno how to tell him. We kinda sorta lack communcatin and I wanna change dat. I wanna stop puttin so much effort into da relationship and see how dat goes.

Sigh..... I just don't kno. I think I'm confusin/hurtin myself in a way. I
kno I deserve better and I kno I can't change him so I should just move on. He's gotta be willin to change cuz I change (in a good way) for hin

[kitkitkitty]

after a year and 4 months you want to change a lack of communication? if you haven't communicated as much as you should've done for 16 months AND you're in an on/off relationship, you really think it'll change?

[Shenika90210]

its ok now.... We are no longer together. I'm ok. I cried a couple times but I'm ok now. I seen him today and I guess I finna have closure to dis. Thanks for da help u guys. I've learned my lesson and I will learn from my past relationship, especially dis one. I just blame myself for puttin myself through dis.......... Sigh!