why is breaking up so hard.... how do you know it's right?!

[TattooedLAdy]

I'm freaking outttt. I wanted to break up for so long but now that we are i'm double thinking it. I hate this. He is hurting and that hurts me. I need to be strong b/c i know it's best but is it best?? will i regret this?! i'm so confused. just knowing others are out there helps. Sorry, had to vent.

[lahnnabell]

From what I read on your other post, you guys tried saving this relationship multiple times, but always ended up back at Square 1. This happened with me and my ex last March. We moved to the West coast together, and 6 months later things were just steadily getting worse. We would have routine conversations about how to fix our frustrating relationship, but the bottom line was always the same: He didn't want it anymore. I had to practically force him to make an honest decision because, like you, he had checked out while I was still giving 110%.

Lucky for me our lease was up at that time, so we didn't have anything binding us anymore. I moved out in one weekend and didn't look back. The whole next day I spent packing I went through sporadic crying spells. I would pack, cry, pack, cry. Part of me wanted to rewind time, but I knew the change had happened for a reason. I needed to leave, and he needed to be alone. We weren't growing together anymore, and when that happens, it's time to split.

In a healthy relationship, you will have standards and you will hold one another and yourselves to those standards. You won't settle for less than you want. You will challenge your partner to be the best they can be because you yourself want to be at your best. If both or one of the partners is not ready for this, then you need to call it like it is and move on. Remember, it's not failure if you learn from it.

[tracybelle]

Breaking up is hard everytime you look back at the good times and often than not they cloud the reasons why you have thought of breaking up with him. You will know it's right when both of you can't make each other happy anymore.

[Raze]

Breaking up is only as hard as you make it out to be.

It's not that bad. New beginning, endless possibilities.

[lahnnabell]

Breaking up is only as hard as you make it out to be.

It's not that bad. New beginning, endless possibilities.

Coming from the guy who got all bent out of shape when his mother "suggested" he keep his options open and see other people? Dude.

[IncognitoSir]

Coming from the guy who got all bent out of shape when his mother "suggested" he keep his options open and see other people? Dude.

Word! When you heart is entangled with another, breaking up is NEVER easy. It all comes down to doing whats best for yourself. There's always going to be pain from a breakup, but where there's pain there will be GROWTH.

[Raze]

Coming from the guy who got all bent out of shape when his mother "suggested" he keep his options open and see other people? Dude.

I recently changed my mindset.

[lahnnabell]

I recently changed my mindset.

So, did you break up with your girlfriend?

[Raze]

Nope, we're still together. =) It was a very dramatic time period for me. I was finally able to get my parents to listen to me. I told them I would see her even if they didn't approve (they eventually did approve when I was finally able to explain to them what she was like, etc. etc.). I even ended up seeing her without letting my parents know (realize that I am moving out in about 2 weeks to an apartment). I had to lie and say I was seeing a "friend." Sometimes, you just have to do what you have to do if you really like someone.

[lahnnabell]

Well, if you're as serious about her as you say, you shouldn't be needing to hide her from your family. No girl wants to be a secret kept from her boyfriend's nearest and dearest.

[Raze]

Well, if you're as serious about her as you say, you shouldn't be needing to hide her from your family. No girl wants to be a secret kept from her boyfriend's nearest and dearest.

Yeah, I know. It was hard, but I got through it. Keeping her a secret was killing me and her but it was the only way we could see each other at the time. Leaving her just because my parents told me to would be a horrible mistake (especially since they now understand everything clearly).

I guess I really haven't changed my mindset. Breaking up is hard. Thanks, Lahn for making me realize that I haven't really changed that much. =)

[kitkitkitty]

you're having regrets because you're seeing him so upset, you still care about him so you feel bad... want him to feel better... and then 'think' you have regrets. you need to go by gut instinct and what is right for YOU. you can't stay with someone to spare their feelings, it doesn't work. it can also be a lot to do with habit-forming. how long were you together?

[doppelgaenger]

Breaking up isn't hard. Getting over your feelings of love and shit is, though.

[Raze]

Very true. That's what I meant to say... lol!