A guy I admired got rough in bed...

[Bellaveev]

I had a really weird experience two days ago that left me emotionally and physically hurt and I cant shake it from my mind. Im embarrassed and I just need to tell someone about it and I decided to go online for advice because ironically it seemed like the most private place to go as feel I can't tell the people in my life. I met this guy who I thought was the nicest guy i'd ever met. He works for my dad and with my three older brothers in our family construction company. I'd seen him around briefly before as he's friends with my brothers and they go out together after work. I usually bring water up to them and my dad's crew on the sites on really hot days and by chance I got to finally meet him for real. We had a second alone and got to talk and I really liked him. Everyone that works with him likes him. I already knew that since he was the same age as my oldest brother (34) they wouldn't like me hitting on him and I felt like my brothers were always watching us when we talked. I started bringing water more often to get to talk to him and I liked him so much I just wanted to hang out so he suggested we hang out at his place. I just have to stress just how nice he was, I mean, super nice and happy and well-liked by everyone. We hung out after he got off work and had alot of fun and he was his usually happy nice self and I wanted to sleep with him so bad. Im nineteen and still live at home so I sort of lied to my dad about where I was going when I went over to his place the night we finally did. And again, he was so sweet about it and I was so excited. It wasn't until about halfway through when he just sort of changed, and he changed so suddenly I didn't have a clue it was coming. Its the creepiest thing I've ever experienced my throats dry writing it down thinking about it. He grabbed me by the neck really hard and held me down. Im petite about one hundred pounds and five feet tall and it seemed really unnecessary for someone his size to do. Before he was pretty gentle but after he pinned me he started getting extremely rough and laughed at me struggling. Afterward I was really upset and asked him what that was all about and he was just laughing at me. Laughing? Really? what a strange thing to do is what I thought. I was on the verge of crying and I was shaking and he was just laughing at me. He said I was making a big deal out of nothing that it was just heat of the moment and that's what happens when you sleep with a 'real man'. He tried to convince me I was just being a 'girl' about it. But it felt like more than that to me. I couldn't move an inch he was holding me down so hard. I mean I tried really hard to move but I just wasn't strong enough and he was literally laughing at me while he held me down. And all this was happening while he proceeded to get seriously rough, far more than just being in the 'heat' of it and he knew it was hurting me and he didn't care didn't let up at all if anything he just got rougher before it ended. I don't know what to do now. I hung out with him behind everyone's back so no one even knows we were together let alone all this. Yesterday i had to bring stuff to my dad and brothers and when we were alone he said I should come over again like nothing happened, and I'm just thinking there's no way I want a repeat of that how can he even think that was fun for me. I mean, how could I even put into words what happened to anyone in my family or my friends? If i say anything my dad will know i was lying to him in the first place and it will make it awkward for my brothers because he's there friend. I guess I just don't know what to do from here or if anything should be done. I need advice on what I should do now.

[vashti]

I wouldn't want to see him any more, so I would tell your dad. I mean, yes, he will know you lied to him, and he won't be happy about it, but that can be handled later.

If you are lucky, your brothers will beat his ass.

[Bellaveev]

wow thank you for replying so fast. Its really embarrassing for me. I don't talk about my sex life to them, they don't even know i have one really. I think im in shock a little because who does something like that? Not only is he employed by my dad, he's friends with my brothers. Given that he's so close to my family, I don't understand why he would do something like that to me.

[vashti]

He may be harboring some level of resentment against your father (his boss) and decided to take it out on YOU in a very personal way, one which he figured you'd be too humiliated to tell anyone about.

[ecojeanne]

tell your brothers and get him fired.

continue to do your job, go up to give water but make sure you act normal as if you weren't together, he will get the hint, if he speaks to you privately when there on the site just say you are busy and move on quickly.

he thinks he can bully you. stay away from him and his shitty attitude. honestly telling your brothers will be ok for them because they just want to protect you

[IndiReloaded]

I agree with telling your family. At best he's a machismo jerk but at worst he might come after you. Especially if you turn down his offer for seconds. Nip this in the bud by telling them what happened and then publicly turning him down if he asks again.

[Bellaveev]

Thank you all for the advice, I really appreciate it. The more I think about it, I think he might be somewhat psycho, because it doesn't make sense that someone can be so sweet and well-liked and then turn on a dime like that. It seems like if a guys a jerk, everyone knows. I feel like he hides that side of him which is scary. I know my brothers and my dad don't know that side of him.

Ive always felt a little suffocated that they are too protective. I know they would take my word over his in an instant, its not that. I feel like I got into this mess, and it proved them right in a weird way. I don't know if that even makes sense, but it makes me sick thinking about telling them for this reason. I feel like I let them down in a weird way. I don't know how to even phrase what happened either. Its not like 'oh he hit me' or anything like that. Its such an awkward and intimately personal thing that happened.

[sookie6]

Dear OP,
Reading your posts I feel that somehow you think you are the one responsible of this messy situation when really you did nothing wrong. I do think that what happened
to you could have happened to anyone of us. You met someone who seemed gentled and trusted by your family, in a work environment and you fell for him.

So really first of all what you need to do is to stop feeling responsible about what happened.

Now, is there among your brother one that you can trust for keeping quiet and who will get rid of the guy cos I think this man should not stay around
you or your family. He's just plain wierd and I would even say has the potential of being dangerous around women...so you should say something...

Again please get rid of any feeling of shame regarding this happening as he is the one who should feel ashamed and obviously he is not.

[Rich]

yeah I'd tell your brothers.
and I really agree with sookie6; dont feel responsible, you didnt do anything wrong.

[hurt_confuzd]

That's what happens when a 19-year-old tries to fuçk a 34-year-old man her entire family would frown upon her sleeping with. Hopefully this will teach you to not have sex with anything that's nice to you.

If you have to tell someone, tell your brother. He'll be more inclined to be blindly protective of you, regardless of how badly you fuçked up.

Enjoy your trust issues.

[kitkitkitty]

if you find it waaaay too embarassing [i'm 18 and if that happened to me, i'd feel the same] try writing a letter to your dad, mum/ one of your brothers. yeah, it wasn't responsible on your part but it doesn't make what he did to you any more acceptable. the writing is a way of expressing all of this but however you do it you HAVE to tell someone. your family cares about you and you need to trust that they'll do the right thing for you.

[ecojeanne]

one thing my parents always told me about serious issues...'never write anything down'

even speaking to your mom and letting her know how embarrassed you are about the whole thing. she might be better to talk to and would be able to handle the issue delicately for your sake.

[Charlie Boy II]

yeah this definitely seems like a "mom" problem. Telling your brother or your father will pretty much be like dropping an atomic bomb.

[sookie6]

That's what happens when a 19-year-old tries to fuçk a 34-year-old man her entire family would frown upon her sleeping with. Hopefully this will teach you to not have sex with anything that's nice to you.

If you have to tell someone, tell your brother. He'll be more inclined to be blindly protective of you, regardless of how badly you fuçked up.

Enjoy your trust issues.

Please tell u how this his helping...I don't think that the OP ****ed up...again when you meet someone in your work environment after a while you tend to trust them and forget that they are still strangers to you...how many of us would blindly follow a work mate at home as if we knew them like family...

This episode is a great teaching episode for the OP and for the rest of us...I think it could easily have happened to any woman here (I'm 34). Some people are really good at gaining your trust and it's easy to forget all safety rules when you really want to believe in a guy...or in a woman...

[Bellaveev]

That's what happens when a 19-year-old tries to fuçk a 34-year-old man her entire family would frown upon her sleeping with. Hopefully this will teach you to not have sex with anything that's nice to you.

If you have to tell someone, tell your brother. He'll be more inclined to be blindly protective of you, regardless of how badly you fuçked up.

Enjoy your trust issues.

Im extremely close to my brothers and they obviously really liked him, so it made me let my guard down tremendously. It was kind of like a filter you know, it wasn't like I met this man at a club or some random place. The people I care about and look up to liked him.