What does he want?

[ShannonMI]

Hi I just joined today and I need some advice. I was dumped by my boyfriend of nearly 8 years a few months ago. I'm heartbroken to say the least. We had a great relationship as far as I could tell. We didn't fight, we loved each other, we were comfortable and secure. We even went through a few life changing events together that I thought had given us a very strong bond. He just decided that we weren't right for each other and that "we are travelling different paths" (his words). He still says he wants to be friends. He insists we can be friends even though I've told him countless times that it isn't going to happen. I can't just turn off the "love" feelings I have for him and be buddies. We owned a dog together as well and I took him when we split up. My ex wants visitation of the dog every week. Even though I told him he should just let the dog go like he did me. He claims the dog wants to see him. I laughed at that. It's a dog, not a child. The dog has plenty of people in his little doggy life. If he never saw my ex agan, he'd be ok. Nevertheless, we made an arrangment that he could take the dog every week on Saturday. He could pick him up and drop him off while I was at work. I told him I didn't want to see him or have contact with him because it hurts way too much. Although I said no contact, every week he would send me text messages regarding the dog and just BS stuff that he really didn't need to send. My question is what are his true motives with the friend thing and insisting to see the dog? Is it to keep tabs on me? Is it because he still cares? Is it because he still loves me? Does he want to remain friends because he needs me as a back- up plan? He told me when we first broke up that he would always love me, but he had changed and we weren't right for each other. Now he won't even tell me he has any "love" feelings at all. I'm just confused. As of a few days ago, I told him no more contact and no more dog. Period. It's just too much for me. He said that when I was ready to be in contact with him and let him see the dog then to call or email him. He'll be waiting a long long time, I'm afraid! I just need some feedback, I guess. What does he really want? Thanks

[girl68]

A bit of everything. He wants tabs, wants to stay close (you were a big part of this life and he doesn't hate you so why should he just cut you out- least that's how he sees it).

Just don't respond, keep the agreement you have standing now... he gets the dog at the specified time other than that leave him to his own thing.

[Teddy057]

He wants to visit the place you two had, and he wants to see reminders of you. Not to mention I'm sure he actually is attached to the dog. But, for at least a year or two I think it's best you two not talk at all. An 8 yr relationship is by no means an easy thing to get over, and this constant "Hey, I took pups out and he's doing great, I locked the front door blah blah blah." Won't make things any easier. Some people just get over breakups insanely fast, and maybe that's what he did. I'm sure he still cares about you, and even loves you. But, he could just be holding on to you for his own good... Just in case he doesn't find someone who's "compatible". No contact, No love, and no reminders of the relationship you two shared. If he still "Loved" you, would he be doing this? Absolutely not. In a few years, months, whatever, it will be okay to look back at all this stuff you two shared, and smile about it. Not anytime soon, though. That's for sure.