Classic Female Game or Genuinely confused? You be the judge ...PLEASE!

[DJYinYang]

I'm officially at a loss and if you have an opinion, which who doesn't , then its more than what I've got right now....

Setup - Im 27 Male , She's 25

We dated for 5 years when she was 16, lived together for 3 of those years and been apart 4 years this summer.

After a VERY ugly split (Never married) we went almost the full 4 years with out as much speaking to one another. I lived in a different state and we never really shared "mutual friends" ... More or less 4 years passed with out a word.
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About 2 months ago I got an email out of left field , from yes, you guessed it. Simple and to the point just asking how I was.

I'm not an idiot and in my mind there was about a -10% chance*Yes NEGATIVE* that she merely wondered how I was after 4 years.

A few emails of one liners back and forth and we exchanged numbers. Spoke a couple times but merely the silly bullshit you'd talk about with the cashier at the supermarket. Occasionally a "Hows your family , or a "I saw so and so" was about as personal as we got.

A week or so of text messages (still only 2 calls) and then the strange act of Fate.

Business actually took me about 25 mins from her place. I spent hours debating in the hotel if I was even going to call her and let her know. I didnt want her to feel obligated to see me. So I opted for a text. I just said hey I'm in town for the day on business if you want to stop by and say Hi cool" ... a couple hours later she did just that.

Spent about 2-3 hours together and really was almost as if we never broke up. Felt like a 16 yr old high school love bird. Lot of flirty , touchy feeley, chatter , arms around each other , back rubs, and then as she was leaving she tried to kiss me.

Why I turned my head I'll never know, shock I guess, but as we walked out to her car and said goodbye I quickly made up for my mistake and we did Kiss but probably not like we would have lol

Towards the end she seemed emotionally shoken up , watter eyes and just said she had to go ...

2 days later, I still was there in town unexpected .. fate again? She came by for like 15 mins and had to go.


I texted her in the morning, no response , I texted her that night, nothing. we talked during text the next day and i tried to probe what was going on . She said she was sick and eventually that all her feelings came back for me and was just confused. She's never been a real explanitory of her feelings ....

That was 3 days ago. ......

Have a feeling she maybe seeing someone , but wont tell me. Also wonder if she's scared of what other ppl will think. Or maybe I am just missing something.... but I don't want to really leave this hanging out there.

The last few days I've been purposely not contacting her. Yes I realize im playing a bit of a game but I've also been extremely open with how I feel and think I've demonstrated plenty of interest

And now thank you for reading this all, I would love to have your opinion. I literally feel more anxious and think about her more now than I did almost 10 years ago.....

[nerdy_guy]

Its possible that she got "settled" into you. And that whatever bad things happened didn't matter that much anymore and what you have shared weighs a lot more than the hurt.
She DID initiate contact, so that means you mattered to her all these years. As she has said she's confused. confusion isn't a one day thing, and its just not her, you have to factor in, her friends' and family's' opinion which confuses her all the more, so it is an on and off thing for her, especially if outside influence is pretty strong and against you. Just relax and observe for a while. Don't expect a lot or both of you will get hurt again.

[DJYinYang]

Couldn't have said it better ... heck almost read like something from my mind.

Sometimes even when you know you are right it doesn't make it any more comfortable or easy to digest. Appreciate your insight as its clear we're on similar pages. My goal really was to do nothing this week and see if she what her move would be.

At some point she has to evaluate things. At that point my display of willingness to walk away should trigger some need for validation resulting in another call/text/ something and perhaps we can progress at that time.

[DJYinYang]

Thought I'd pop in see if anyone had anything new to consider. Ciao!

[VincenzoG91]

My guess is that she is involved with somebody, and they are taking the next big step forward, like maybe engagement. And she thought that she would finally resolve any lingering memories of you with one last contact. Only it didn't go smoothly like she was hoping, instead there are all these old feelings coming back, and it's causing confusion about her current relationship with whoever.

[DJYinYang]

Vince Vince Vince, I didn't know it was possible for a thought to cross your mind as many times as that one has for the past now 3 1/2 days.

She said she was single , which I don't buy for a second. I only told her 20 times she didn't have to lie, that I didn't care but I'm guessing she thinks I was just saying that. And to be honest, Im not sure I was being honest. Would I have just walked out the door no but would I have thought about it , yeah

If my communication freezout doesn't yield a phone call / text/ email something by friday I'll take a stab at contacting her once more

[girl68]

once more sure maybe but after that let her be. being in the picture doesn't let her un confuse whatever may be confusing her.

[DJYinYang]

Day 4 complete , starting to question if I should have let this freeze out continue.....

[VincenzoG91]

Did that ugly breakup have anything to do with dishonesty or secrecy or lack of communication on her part? It feels like she is withholding some critical information from you right now, and if she tends to do that, the relationship is never going to work out in the long run.

[DJYinYang]

Vince, I think the break up years ago had a lot of factors that all weighed fairly equal. There were patches of dishonestly or as I now refer to as not telling the entire truth. Im pretty sure there is something under lying issue here.

When I sit down and think about it, I pretty much agree there is an outside chance of the relationship ending in a great light. But I also know that you're going to have your heart broken several times in life and my take on it is , "does it really matter who the one that does it" .... more less I'm gong into this knowing full well that at some point down the road it will likely end. But I also don't have an overwhelming desire for marriage so my end result in a relationship with her or someone else is likely to be the same, the only thing that changes is perhaps the amount of time.

I spent 5 years with her most of which were good, but at the end of the day , we split. Spent the next 2 with someone else, end of the day same result.

Its not the right way to look at it I know, but to me you can have the same level of a relationship with out marriage. I'm Catholic and if I ever get married , Divorce isn't an option. I'm also a realist, which often the views don't meet well lol