Friend,Not speaking,Confused

[nicolayL]

Alright, so what I am about to tell you takes the course from over a year ago to this day.

We started at a school together(1year) and we got to know each other pretty quick. We lived close to each other(we lived at the school in a sense) and she basically lived next door, so it was easy to see each other and so on. And my, she was perfect. She actually changed the way I look at women sort of, never have I met such a cool, beautiful, open minded girl. And im not the guy that goes out like once every year, but...yeah you know what I mean. However, we were only best friends, and nothing sexual crossed my mind at all(yes she was really hot, but I never thought about it like that.) Now, we hang out very often in some periods, and some times not. We saw each other every day anyway, so there were never no rush if you know what I mean.
She even had a boyfriend at the time, she had been with him for like a year, and I met him. He was really nice actually.

Eventually she broke up with him for several reasons, but still to this day she has feelings for him as far as I know...

Now near the end around the school year, it suddenly jumped on me that i started to get feelings for her. I actually confronted her really early with it, and told her that I had been feeling that lately. I didn`t expect anything, I just felt i should tell her because, she deserves to know. She got glad, but as you obviously understand she wouldn`t do anything because she didn`t really feel the same way, and she still had feelings for this guy. Even though it was like 4-5 months after they broke up(even though this sounds a little bit weird, it was true actually).

Now after it ended, the last thing I did was actually saying goodbye to hear since right before I left the school, I met her at the door, and she cried and cried while she held me around her telling me I meant a lot to her and so on. It was really emotional....


I had told her everything I thought of her, and then some. She knew exactly what I felt, that she actually changed my life, she meant incredibly much to her.

Now, since it has been summer and so on, we have only seen each other once, and after that time we basically haven`t speaken to each other at all.... Like 3-4 times and that`s it, only through messages. After we had met, I told her that she wasn`t the same person at all anymore, like she used to be. And it annoyed the crap out of me. This was over a month ago, but we worked it out, now after we did that, we haven`t speaken to each other until today since she sent me a message all of a sudden.


It really ****s up my head, because now in reality I had a lot of time to think, and I decided I wanted to avoid her because she makes me depressed just by talking to me. Only thing that crosses my mind is that I want to be besides her and so on(you know how that is, it`s not healthy at all. And she even lives further away since she studies. Kinda want to move on and lay it behind me, but how? After she sent me that message, all I had thought came back to my mind and I miss her like crazy.
Now we are like, barely friends if anything. It feels like nothing, and well...today my mind has come to several thought on the matter. Desperatly need some input on this.....
What would you do?

Sorry for crappy english, it`s not my native language:p

ps: There were actually this one time, it was really weird. Near the end of the school, she had gone out with some friends, and she called me because i had to follow her to her room. There is a couch outside her room, and she layed down on it. Pretty drunk as she was, she said: "Come here, I have wanted to do this for a long time". She held her hands out and a kiss like with her mouth(hard to explain, but you get the idea). I told her no, I think that is wrong in a nice way. As I followed her to her bed, she told me that I was sure I would sleep in the same room with her, again telling her no because I didn`t want to use her.
Maybe this sounds crazy, but im not that kind of guy

[gartlas]

Its not crazy to not take advantage of a girl...A lot of guys have been in the same situation numerous times , myself included. I don't know whether that was her signal for telling her she likes you...from what i hear lately from female friends , Girls don't always openly tell you if they like you , apparently sometimes they dont even know it themselves. If she's not speaking to you , then she's probablytrying to drift away. It sounds a bit like when she cried onto you she realised she depended on you a lot. Evidently she no longer does. Any relationship you could have with her now would be strained and surreal...and it sounds a bit like the friendship is ****ed too. Sad thing about close friendships between oppposite sexes , a lot of the time you lose the friendship when romance becomes involved. I'd say try doing something else.....or someone else .

[nicolayL]

Wow, very good response on that one

One thing I didn`t mention, or made really clear was that she was pretty drunk when that last part happened, so that may explain it. Though, some of it could be from her mind(you know when you are drunk, you can accidently say something that was personal or private) Really hard to say though, who knows.
Just wanted to add that.

And im glad I didn`t take advantage of her either, even though I deeply wanted to. Worst thing is, I feel stupid not to have done it, specially in the situation I am in right now. Still, it was the right choice and im proud of that.
Mood swings are simply the worst, and I often get sooo depressed. Feels really dumb, but I would do everything, and I mean everything to make a girl happy if I like her. And I have fallen for some girls through my life, but I have never gotten so close to one as I got with her. Had that special bond sort of(and I know it just sounds like im saying that, but im not lying.)
Most girls I meet just feels so dumb, and impossible to get that sort of connection again with someone. Im no shy guy either, and I have talked with many girls. Ugh....

Guess I sound over dramatic, but being sad and lonely every night because I don`t have that special someone is really tearing me apart sometimes....