Help pleaseLONG Betrayel/ Relationship/Marriage mystery!! Very interesting!!!

[reign1222]

I met my current wife online. She posted an ad online I responded to it. We met in person two days after a few phone conversations. After about 2 weeks we began having sex. Our relationship for 2 months was nothing but sex. She was the pursuer. She called and texted me all the time. During those two months I learned she had moved up here from her homestate because her relationship with her X-boyfriend was real bad. 'He was bad." She left all her personal things and belongings and they decided to break up. She said she was over him. She said she wanted more out of our relationship. "I told her I was not ready for a relationship. After a couple days of pressure from her be in a relationship with her I gave in. 1 month later she popped the "I love you."

After 2 months of going out and 4 months of knowing each other; stress caused me to be more distant. I didn't show as much affection as I did in the beginning of the relationship due to personal frustrations and becoming "comfortable". I left her alone some nights... stop returning phone calls..and only called out of boredom...blew her off.. ...etc. I was still treating her as a booty call instead of my girlfriend. There would be days when she wanted to hang out and I would blow her off completely even though I had nothing else planned. That same month we got into a big argument. I don' know what she said...but I flipped out and screamed and berated her grandmother's house. We threatened each other and eventually we came to an agreement. I NOW remember she was sitting in the passenger seat of my car and I was so evil. She was forcing herself not to cry. We broke it off but and got back together the next day when I contacted her and we "worked it out".

She went on a trip to see her X boyfriend that same weekend we had the argument and they had sex. (I found this out after we got married and I left home)In that same month my car broke down and there was no way to see her even though she was a couple of blocks away. She was unable to drive due to her driving record and charges on her record. The next month I became a little more distant. I never dropped the "I love yous." I was quick to hang up the phone. No text back etc. etc. and towards the end I stopped calling. She always had to call or text me and I thought thats how it was supposed to be but I may have took it a little too far.

In the 5th month I didn't even return the I love yous when it was said to me and I never said it. When she came to visit me at my job there was no love from me because I knew something was up. I didn't want to be seen with her and she knew it in the back of her mind. I kept accusing her on her behavior. Her phone having problems....staying late at work even though her grandmother picks her up...money disappearing....dressing sexier...calling from a restricted number... .. and being more distant. She called me crazy, and even threaten to break up with me if I kept accusing her. We were on and off. I was accusing...we were breaking up with me.. we work it out...we got back together. She went out to clubs and turned off her phone.( I later found out through a lie detector test she kissed some guys....and did some minor sexual things.)

Without any solid proof I had stopped accusing. The next month she wanted a special weekend for us since I've only seen her 2 -3 times over the past 3 months. I had to work so I brought her with me to my job . She played a game to test to see if my co-worker was a loyal friend and if he would holler at her. Foolishly I fell for it and she began talking to the co-worker behind my back. I caught her in a lie and she eventually confessed that she texted him without me knowing. I forgave her as I thought it was just harmless text messages.


We were on and off. We were breaking up nearly everyday. I was initiating most of the breakups but she would text and I would get sucked back in.
She also started bleeding alot "down there" and she said it was from past medical problems. I was suspicious and thought "she was having rough sex with someone else or too much sex and a rip occured." She said it could be the fact she's pregnant. I made her take a pregnancy test and she wasn't. When I brought her home she cried out of nowhere. She could not look at me in the eye. I tried to console her and she pushed me off of her. As tears flowed down her cheek I never saw someone so hurt in my life. I could feel her pain as if it was my own. Rage and sorrow and then she turned cold..sinister...and apathetic and told me I'm a good man and I should go. I told her I loved her I had no one else but her. We decided to stay together.

Next month she was pressuring me to marry her she even proposed and I said no. At the time I was a little suspicious of her fidelity but I had no solid proof. Eventually I gave in and I married her out of love. We married through the justice of the peace. The same night on our wedding night I went through her cell phone and seen her having an earlier conversation with a married man from out of state. The conversations was flirty but not sexual. I was in the heat of the moment and made a decision to go ahead and marry her; she told me that was the only conversation they had. The guy's wife contacted me the next day and I found out they had multiple conversations. My wife lied to me saying that they only had 1 conversation. I left her and decided to annul the marriage. After 2 days of her and her family calling me I took her back. I tried to get past it (still not knowing about her other infidelities) ; I couldn't. I was paranoid.


So...I searched for the truth...ruthlessly. She was always secretive with her cell phone, face book, etc. etc.I was thrown out my parent's house for marrying her. I was in the process of moving out their house but it was sped up. So I was forced to reside with her and her grandmother until we could get off our feet. I brought her cheating up everyday which caused some of our arguments. The affection from me was completely gone. When we get into disagreements(some she cause) should we run into a room and lock the door; talk and text on her cell phone. One day I really tried. I made love to her, and treated her like a queen. She again started crying saying "I'm a good man."


"And I don't deserve this." I was fired from my job due to the co-worker incident and she wanted me to stay home more. She was the only one bringing in income saving up money for both of us. She worked and helped cleaned the house. That very month the rest of her family came up here to the state I'm at now for a get together. After the get together my wife and her grandmother got into an argument and because of that we were forced to leave her grandmother's house and move in with her parents in my wife's home state.The night before the lie detectors test she threatened to break up with me and said she didn't want to be with me anymore and she told me to stay behind. So I made her take a lie detector test anyways knowingy the reason why she threatened me with that line was because she did not want me to find out. Finally I found out she cheated on me with her x-boyfriend.

When I confronted her about it she said it "happened during the relationship and not the marriage" "She said that I deserved to be with someone better." Eventually she apologized and said she "screwed up." Unfortunately I had no place to go to so I had to move with her down to n.c.


I began working for her stepfather under the table. (never got paid) She was legit trying...she was making sure I was well taken care of. However due to recent events I could not get over the cheating. I did not acknowledge her and I told her I was disgusted by her. We did not kiss, hug for nearly a month. At night I made sure she would not touch me we were forced to sleep under the same bed.

My wedding ring meant nothing too me anymore. I lost her great grandmother's deceased husbands ring. Then I lost my father's in law spare ring. I wasn't losing them on purpose I did not care. She kept hers on at all time though. I left mines on the floor....next to the trashcan......in the dog cage.

Her and her parents weren't getting along as a result and she complained to me often. So I requested to her Mom to help me find another job so me and her daughter could get off our feet faster. She refused and threw us both out the house. Fortunately my wife had some money saved up. We were homeless but with some help from 1 of her family members she was able to purchase us a vehicle. My wife was the only one working making minimum wage. I was trying to look for a job and had little success.

I could not let go of the cheating. It was like a seed planted every moment I got I brought it up. I picked argument after argument. I nagged her and didn't trust anything she said or did. When she would reach to grab my arm in public I always shrugged her off. I reminded her that this was business and not love by being cold and mean. "I told her if things didn't we make it I would leave her in the state." She was flirting with people she new from the state on her phone and flirting with guys on facebook (At the time I did not know.) .I was not showing her any love or attention due to her past mistakes. The day I left her is when I went through her cell and found a conversation between her and her ex and she was asking her ex's whereabouts.

HE WOULDN'T GIVE HER THE INFO. She said that it was a harmless conversation and I calmly tried to emphasize the point that it wasn't the fact that she wasn't talking to her "X". It was the fact that she cheated on me with him.I was done playing nice and said the most hurtful things I could say. I insulted her scarred child hood.....and used all her painful experiences she told me about and ridiculed them. It lead into a physical altercation with her putting her hands on me. I had enough I took our vehicle and left her at her mom's house.


I returned to my home state get my life back on track . She called and we were on and off again. After deciding we were going to work it out we made plans to be together. On my facebook account I began to socialize and started flirting with other women. She seen it and flew off the handle bar. We began a little online war. As I was texting other girls it was hard for me to keep track of her so we would not talking as much. During the month she had her drug charges lifted , her record cleared and she was able to drive again. She asked for my w-2 form so she can go back to school for free.

I started socializing and blew her off. A week later she called and I picked up and she attacked my situation because I was currently unemployed, the car I had took broke down leaving me carless, and I was nearly broke ( I collect unemployment). She started bragging about the money she acquire and how I was fool that left her. After a couple of insult exchanges.She called me a coward, a little boy etc. etc. We stopped talking for 4 days...well I did. I completely ignored her calls and texts once again. One day she hits me up and I pick up the phone and she sounds sinister. The things she was saying were surreal. "I kept you around because you put up wit my shit. Your my second shit." I decided I needed evidence of what was really going on here so I bought a voice recorder and started recording the conversations.

I was shocked. In the last month nearly everytime she called she was having sex with someone and I'm sure it wasn't the same guy each time and I think she was calling sometimes having sex with multiple guys. The guy in the background was mocking me. When I confronted her about it she then again lied and then dodged the question when she found out I had proof. She said it was my fault because i pushed her away. I never loved her or showed her affection, appreciation and put her through b.s.

I even tried calling her texting her to get an explanation she played games. She would call and then hang up the phone or ignore my calls because I was actually busy doing something or didn't feel like talking to her when she called. I even tried to talk to her peacefully and she insulted me whenever she could.

"I gave up."
She tried to tried to contact her numerous times over the course of these past 5 days hoping to work it out. I continued to ignore her. Her last message was " I guess you finally really abandoned me...just to think I really loved you."

Now she has started calling my house phone number..and I dont have time for the games...because I have life to live and its too short for the weight she brings..

I am finished. But I want to know why did she get married? What was the whole purpose of this relationship for her? What were her benefits? What does this sound like to you? What games are being played

[SAULE]

Wow, what a situation. From the sound of it, I think she got married on a whim, either because she wanted you to stick to her for the rest of her life and because you always put up with her antics; or because she's a controlling person. Maybe she needed some kind of reassurance that you truly love her and the only way she could get that reassurance was marriage. With how she treated you and how she kept going after all those guys, maybe, to her, you're just a tolerating guy who will stay with her while she went around and cheated on you. If you consider that as her purpose of the relationship, it did benefit her, meaning that if the relationship with her side-guy didn't work you, she can always come back to you. To me, the entire thing sounds like one big, messed up game. For her, at least. It's like, "How long with this guy last until he finally snaps because of my cheating habits?"
I kind of wonder what about her you fell in love with. But hey, I won't pry into that. People have their reasons, right?
Hope that helps.

[nov13]

Wow, man!

You should have ended it a long time ago. She cannot love you, and do what she has done. If you are wondering if she loves you, or not, you should know she doesn't. Whatever it is she has for you, it isn't anything near true love. I don't even know what to call what it what she has for you. This situation is completely messed up. Don't take her back, this isn't going anywhere. You are always going to wonder if she is cheating or not. You'll not be able to trust her.

If you truly love someone you don't want to even think of someone else - and you have no desire to - it's easy to be faithful when you love someone truly because nothing can tempt you.

[reign1222]

Well I left out some parts. I Was very cold. I would sleep wit her and leave and left her lonely in the beginning and I always put her on the back burner. She would try to hug me and kiss and would push her off me. I ignored alot of her phone calls. I was going through stress and it effected our relationship. Every time I called she picked up the phone or stopped whatever she was doing and made time for what I was doing. I am going to have to add some stuff to balance it out because it is biased and its giving people an inaccurate description of my situation and I want an accurate interpation of what happened in that relationship.

Her touch....the memories we shared unforgettable. She was my first REAL love and bond. The first time I held her in my arms I felt something special. When we held hands.. or we would walk over and put her head on my chest. She made me laugh....defiantly made me cry..and I never saw someone open themselves up too me....and her being present in my life fulfilled a void in my life. We shared moments that were past physical. Nights holding her laid out in a driveway!

I loved everything about her aside from her lying/infidelities...even her attitude and sass turned me on on the low. She can turn into a tiger and then turn into a pussycat. Her smile was beautiful and she was hilarious. Smooth....and sexy. She was also crafty. (I experienced that bad and good of the craftiness). Interesting...sophisticated and had so much depth to her. And I left her. She always stood by my side until now. Kept me in company.

[nov13]

Just because something seems real doesn't mean it is. She can be just as "charming" to your next door neighbor, that doesn't mean she loves him. But it seems to me you are willing to turn a blind eye on her cheating and are contempt with what you are getting out of the relationship. Just because someone is nice and developed some sort of "attachment" towards you doesn't mean it's love. To a lot of people what you are speaking of might be love, to me it has to be much higher than this - you give your all to it and there is no other person you want to even look at, let alone be with. I just can't comprehend (and don't want to), how can you love someone and want to be close to, or touch another person.

Actions speak louder than words. What do her actions say.

Do you ever wonder if she says the same things that she's said to you, to other guys and does the same things with them. If she smiles to them with the same smile and they think she loves them, does that mean she does? Can you really call that love?

[reign1222]

I would ask you guys to re read it....It was biased...I tried to shorten it up........but took out all the stuff I did...

[reign1222]

That is true....She is wrong at the end of the day but I wasn't 100% the victim.......the situation I gave was a little inaccurate I was hoping if you had the time to re-read and then give your opinion please.

[LailaK]

Why did you get married?

Neither one of you are mature enough for a serious relationship, much less a marriage.

[reign1222]

It's hard for people to understand when your on the outside looking in. Yes this was the dumbest decision I have made in my entire life. However....

There were many positive aspects to our relationship. I never had a bond with anyone like that in my entire life. Out of 22 years of living my happiest moments so far were with her.

We were not ready but I took a gamble and lost.

On a deeper level my childhood was very cold, lonely and dry. She was warm, sociable and exciting (bad or good). I felt alive. A feeling that I thought only came with money came with her. Holding her, sharing my thoughts, watching her sleep on my chest...sleeping on her lap....picking her up after she fell,,,admiring her beauty...having her lay on me staring into her beautiful eyes. When we married and the lady who was marrying us said "You may know kiss your bride." She grabbed my face so hard and pulled me in so strong and kissed me so hard. She was hugging me and fanning herself at the same time. She usually is always composed and calm....it was the first time I seen her face light up. (I cried just now remembering this) Before I use to come home after work....chill hang out wit friends...B.S. But there was always an emptiness. My Mom was never the lovey dovey type. My father is gone..I don't make friends well because too many people are fake the friends I do have are fake. It's tough....a life of solitude. She fulfilled it slowly. The joy of coming home to someone and they half asleep *snoring* in your ear roll over to hold you pretending they all the way asleep. The nights I wasn't moody I was intertwined with her. I didn't want to give in. Deep down I wanted to love her hard as hell. I felt like if I had tried I could have kept sweeping off her feeting. I put little effort into our relationship my sourness seeped in. If I focused on preventing her from cheating and keeping her happy this whole situation would have never happened.



I was hurt before in a past relationship which was nothing like this one. I cheated on my X girlfriend by talking to another girl and she got revenge by messing with some dude for two months behind my back and sleeping with multiple guys and the next day kissed me told people what she did and made me look like a fool. I closed up and swore never to settle but because of that I misssed out.......

Even the trials me and my wife went through and the disagreements only made me love her more. Everytime we argued we came close together. But deep down....we weren't ready. She has low self esteem and needs constant validation. Attention from guys....recongnicion from her peers.....etc.etc.. Me I don't know how to communicate or express myself and carry alot of anger in me which unintentionally is put on her.

I mean guys please help me. I know I screwed up but I honestly really loved dis chick. I wasn't ready though and neither was she. I never got closure from her no answers . but I honestly just would like people to decipher this situation and tell me what they think.