Should I worry about his new friend?

[Twiz]

My boyfriend said a girl added him on facebook and they started talking. Friday after he and I saw eachother and after I got back to my house we were texing and he gave me her number and he said that the girl he met wanted to talk to me. So I sent the girl a text and then she asked if I wanted to go on a double date next weekend with her and her boyfriend to see a movie, I agreed and I actually liked the idea. I was texting my boyfriend earlier today and we talk every day regardless if we hang out that day or not we always text and he had mentioned to me earlier that he was planning on going to one of his guy friend's house. A couple hours after he mentioned that we were talking about other stuff and then all the sudden he didn't reply to a simple text I had sent and it had been an hour late rwithout a reply and the girl he met on facebook texted me and said "guess who's next to me?" and I asked who and she said my boyfriend's name. At this point I was kind of mad because not only did my boyfriend stop texting me out of nowhere (because he never does that) but he went over to another girl's house who he has never even personally met before. Prior to today I didn't even know that my boyfriend had never met this girl personally and that she was a year younger and doesn't even go to our school (which is when I asked my boyfriend how he met her and he said through facebook). But I then texted my boyfriend saying I didn't know he was going over her house and he told me that his guy friend had other plans so he just decided to go to this girl's house. He told me they watched sci fi movies and he was probably there for only a couple hours. But it made me feel a little uneasy. This girl has been texting me and we've had a few short random conversations since Friday. She seems nice and it seems like she's trying to get to know me and not just my boyfriend and she is also in a relationship right now also so it makes me feel a little better about it all. I know he's going to hang out with other people aside from myself and he can't be with me 24/7 and it's selfish to say that he can't hang out with anyone else but it's just the circumstances of how he met her and how he went over there and how he didn't tell me that I thought were a little weird.
I am kind of angry about what happened but I feel as if I really shouldn't be but I can't help it! He doesn't have many close friends so I suppose he wants to meet some new people. But the thing is that I have only a few good friends and I wouldn't mind making more friends but I would never meet random people from facebook let alone random other men because I am already in a relationship! And I actually explained that to my boyfriend too and maybe he doesn't see it in the way that I do. I know I should trust my boyfriend but it's still getting to me. He always says he loves me and could never hurt me but I just care about him and I don't want to loose him or have my heart broken. Maybe I'm just being a bit insecure? What's your advice?

[Wiredbomb0]

Well from the sounds of it; He said he was going over to his mate's house, but yet he went to some random girl's house, who neither of you have met before, and then didn't even tell you about it and not get back to your texts. From my point of view, that would piss me off... For one, he shouldn't have just been like "Oh, my friends were already doing something, so I'll go and visit this other girl", WITHOUT asking you/even telling you. To me, that's not on. Personally, I wouldn't feel right if my girlfreind was hanging out with another guy; I'd probably be okay if it was in a group, but 1-on-1 just doesn't sit well with me.

I think you should let him know what you really think of what he did. Don't worry about being a "bit insecure", that's actually normal in a relationship
Just don't go over the top by trying to hack into his email account to read his emails or anything like that.

Best of luck!
-Wired

[Twiz]

And that's what bothered me the most, that he just stopped texting and didn't even mention he was going there. So when the girl texted me and said he was there it was kind of like oh? SURPRISE! It honestly did piss me off. I would have felt more comfortable if he had told me he was going there although it's still weird that he didn't want to meet her when I was there with him. It's still bothering me now too, I had such a hard time going to sleep.

I'm seeing him today because last night he asked me if I wanted to hang out with him. But it kind of sucks because at this point I'm still mad and not completely thrilled to see him so I NEED to talk to him about how it made me feel because otherwise I'll just hold onto the problem and the anger will build and that's the kind of stuff that ruins relationships so I need to be honest with him. Maybe he doesn't see it the way I do? And I can't tell him who he can and can't hang out with because I am not controlling and that would be selfish of me to expect that he has to only hang out with me. But all I know is that I take the relationship I have with him seriously and I wouldn't ever feel the need to hang out with another guy alone like that because I am already commited to someone and wouldn't even be interested in spending time with any other guy I hadn't known prior to being in a relationship with my boyfriend. And if I did feel the need to hang out with some new guy I would want my boyfriend to be there. I don't know if last night if that girl's boyfriend was with them or if there were other people over too but I just kind of felt what he did was in a way sneaky?

[hello1]

If it was me, I would tell him to not see this girl. I know you said you do not want to seem controlling but sometimes you have too be unless you want to let this red flag keep on running.

[Twiz]

Oh my god. I am unbelieveably mad right now. I am leaving for my boyfriend's in about an hour and she texted me asking me what I was doing today and I told her I was going to his house and then she asked me "can I come?"... Okay, seriously, who the **** asks if they can tag along with someone if they had already made plans to see their boyfriend ALONE!? So I told her that it was rather last minute that he asked me to hang out since he asked me last night and that I also didn't know what we were going to plan on doing today and all she responded with was "O". She has a boyfriend, I know that doesn't ensure anything, so the way she wants to see him again is definitely unsettling and weird. She probably texted him too and asked if she could tag along. He always texts me before we hang out and I am not sure if he will bring up if she asked or not. I am just hoping he didn't say yes and I am hoping that she won't just show up to his house or I hope he won't ask me if I want to go over to her house because we had made plans to see each other today and her tagging along would ruin the day, the mood, and everything. Not to mention I would be far more furious. >:/

[fi123]

i think this is a case of this girl being seriously short of friends and desperately trying to make some new ones, i think she has issues with that, i honestly don't think she's after your boyfriend. I mean who the hell would want to spend time with a boy and his girlfriend if they were after the boy? Unless they were a mental case. What your boyfriend's intentions are is another matter.

[Twiz]

I trust my boyfriend though. He hasn't ever given me doubt of thinking that I couldn't trust him. He says that he loves me and could never hurt me and he's shown me with how he acts towards me that he cares about me. I think it's possible she may lack friends and wants to make some new ones and my boyfriend also doesn't have a lot of friends either. So I am sure it's something along those lines for him as well. But I thought it was so weird and seemed sneaky that he didn't tell me he was going there yesterday and that he stopped texting me either before he was there or when he got there because he never does that to me. I still want to tell him how it made me feel. Regardless of if he just wants to be friends with her I still think it's all a little odd.

[fi123]

Well then you have nothing to worry about. If you trust him and she's either desperately lonely or a mental case the outcome is the same. But then again do you really trust him, do you really really trust him in your heart? In that case why are you worrying and why are you posting on here? I'm not sure you do totally trust him.

[Twiz]

And that's the thing, maybe I don't completely trust him as much as I think. It's just hard since I've been let down by other guys so I probably have some trust issues. He is the sweetest guy and he's been so nice and caring and we've never had problems in our relationship before and I'd hate for something like this to suddenly cause conflict. I am pretty sure I just need to relax >.<

[fi123]

You do need to relax, because at the end of the day if your boyfriend is going to go off with someone else and has irreversibly made his mind up about it and is determined to do so, there really ain't a darned thing you can do about it, you can't control other people's behaviour, only your own. You can't control other people's feelings, only your own. However, you can influence people's feelings towards you by how you behave. If you can understand and get the difference between those two things and therefore behave appropriately, you'll have far less chance of losing him.

[lovefool87]

If my bf went to some crazy chicks house and didn't even tell me, I'd break up with him. There are 6 billion people in the world and there is someone out there who would know that acting like that would upset me and I would like to be single when he comes along.

[xxazurexx]

All I will say is, never turn a blind eye to this kind of situation and just hope it's innocent....

Gullible people are the ones who get cheated on.

It's YOUR relationship and f you don't like it, TELL HIM you don't.

If he truly wants you, he will stop communicating with her.....end of.

[xxazurexx]

You do need to relax, because at the end of the day if your boyfriend is going to go off with someone else and has irreversibly made his mind up about it and is determined to do so, there really ain't a darned thing you can do about it, you can't control other people's behaviour, only your own. You can't control other people's feelings, only your own. However, you can influence people's feelings towards you by how you behave. If you can understand and get the difference between those two things and therefore behave appropriately, you'll have far less chance of losing him.

I agree that if he's gonna cheat, he will....but at same time, you don't simply turn a blind eye to this kind of situation.

You sit your partner down and to talk things through and if you are not happy with something, you state you are not.

After she makes her concerns known, contact with this other female will either continue or it won't.

But if it does continue, then the OP can make her own choice to walk away and from a situation in which her bf could be tempted to cheat....rather than sit around just hoping he won't cheat.

[IndiReloaded]

Agree with Azure. Its one thing to be secure and not care if you dump someone b/c they are stupid enough to cheat on you, but its something else to engage in willful blindness. Only doormats do that.

@ Twiz, why do you have a problem with just telling this girl "No, you can't come with us. We are going on a romantic date as a couple. Sorry."

[IndiReloaded]

But I thought it was so weird and seemed sneaky that he didn't tell me he was going there yesterday and that he stopped texting me either before he was there or when he got there because he never does that to me.

Regardless of if he just wants to be friends with her I still think it's all a little odd.

Its IS weird and sneaky and it IS odd. More than a little. Especially the way she seemed to want to rub your nose in it and she's already got a BF.

Personally, I'd be considering dumping this guy unless he's got a really good reason for going off alone with her. If he's got any brains and is susceptible to reason, you should psych him. Remind him that girls who cheat on their BFs tend to do this as a continuing habit. That you feel sorry for the next guy b/c 'she'll do it to him'. Then make it specific: if he wants to hang out with this girl, fine, but you aren't going to date anyone who would be a party to that kind of deceit. Take the high road. See which way he jumps.