How long can it last?

**im_in_love** · 22-08-10, 01:19 PM

How long can a relationship possibly last when they are together for the wrong reasons? My friend has been with this guy for 2 years, and to put it simply he treats her like sh*t. She's admitted this, she knows this, she ignores this. He acts like he doesn't care about her at all, he'll leave her all alone in an unfamiliar place for her to get lost when he's mad, and when she calls him saying she's scared and lost, he flat out doesn't care. Just left her there. He's cheated on her before, he's trapping her with his life. He won't let her have friends, won't let her see anyone when he's not there, even her best friend. Her and I got into a fight the other night over this. Apparently he got mad because she told him he treated her like shit, and they had a huge fight. She called me to talk about it and basically told me she's only with him because she has no one else and nowhere to go, and she feels that she would be even more trapped if she were with someone who actually loves her (which makes NO sense) So basically, that's the only reason she's staying with him. She admits this, yet when I try to tell her that is not right and that she can find someone who loves her and treats her better, she just says she doesn't want to be trapped like that and that she would most likely just mess that up as well. She also says she's too scared to leave. Which leads me to believe he abuses her (more than mentally and emotionally.) She got mad at me for telling her she should leave him and that it's not a healthy relationship, because she "wants to ignore it" like she has been. She flat out said "I know what things are and I like ignoring them."

How long can someone live like that? And be in a relationship as terrible as that? She's getting herself more and more stuck to him in a bad way, I'm afraid I'll eventually lose her alltogether. It's almost as if she's making herself miserable on purpose because she doesn't believe she deserves to be happy or in love. How long can you ignore that and ignore the fact that hes just not right for her and that there's someone else out there that is?

**Nea** · 22-08-10, 01:28 PM

Even if there is no physical abuse, this sounds a lot like an abusive relationship. Depending on the person and the corruption in the relationship, this can last pretty much forever. My best advice for you is to always be there for her, no matter what. Never put her down and say shes wrong or that youre mad at her because she wont leave. A lot of times people like this will push out or be forced to push everyone out of theirs lives. If this happens, be there for her when she comes around, as most people will probably shun her at that point. Also, do not bash her boyfriend, but also never support the things he does, even if she says something good about him, try to not agree that its good because at this point, nothing he does can really be considered good. Its a hard situation but just try not to blame her at all, even though you dont understand her, blame him for making her that way.

**im_in_love** · 23-08-10, 02:25 AM

I've been doing exactly what you've said. That is why it's bothering me so much, she can't see it for herself. I never bash him or tell her what to do, I just tell her my opinion when she asks. I have never once put her down for anything, I know all of her insecurities and I've never used anything against her or put her down, ever. She has no other friends because of him, if he does make her push me out of her life, she has absolutely no one but him. Whenever she talks about him, I say nothing. I just listen. And I've always been there for her to listen or for a shoulder to cry on, no matter what time. I've done all of this. It's like she just takes me completely for granted. Which is what makes me believe that NOTHING will get through to her except me leaving to show her how serious I am about this.

**lovefool87** · 23-08-10, 03:41 AM

I had a friend in a similar situation and I had to let her go. Her problems and the fact that she was simply ill-equipped to solve them herself took a toll on my emotions. Some people are just weak and they will pull you down with them if you let them. Maybe one day she will come to her senses but until then, her problems should not be your problems. It's not a healthy relationship for you and her either.

**im_in_love** · 23-08-10, 12:51 PM

I am at my wit's end on what to do here. I've tried everything, and she's just growing more distant from me and taking me more for granted. She's been putting me through an emotional hurricane. After telling me all these terrible things he does to her, she still gets mad that I won't put any effort into hanging out with them or getting to know him. I don't want to know him, I don't like him as a person. I shouldn't HAVE to get to know him or hang out with him. I don't want that in my life.