Will this work, am I worrying too much, is it doomed?

[elexis]

I have a good friend who has been turning into more than a good friend lately. We live an hour apart so we don't see each other very often, maybe twice a month. This has been going on for over a year. He is becoming my best friend, we talk every day. When we are together we can't keep our hands off each other. I am beginning to have feelings for him, and I know he is the same for me.

But I also am not a Christian at all, and he is. His father is a preacher. So his family are very devout Christians. He doesn't hound me about religion. We really dont talk about it much at all. If I try to bring it up he blows it off like he would rather not discuss religion.

I have never met his parents and Im afraid I will have to pretend to be Christian or they won't accept me. And I don't think we could really ever be serious, because Im not going to go to church every Sunday to listen to beliefs that aren't my own.And I know I may be thinking way ahead, but Im afraid I would be forced to raise my children as Christians and teach them things I don't believe. I'm spiriitual and have a very different way of thinking. He is aware of this, but accepts me for me. Im just so worried that later on down the road and if a marriage would be possible and how we would raise our children.
He is 8 years older than me, he was engaged when he was younger but his fiance cheated on him and got pregnant. So now that he is older and had plenty of time to date and get flings out of his system I know that he is looking for something serious and he wants to settle down. I know some people will say he just wants a fling. But we don't see each other often enough for it to be a fling. So I just wonder why he isn't as concerned about this as I am.

I brought up the fact that maybe we shouldnt talk to each other so much because we would never be able to have a serious relationship due to the fact that Im not a Christian. He just told me that I don't know if it would work, I can't see the future. And I dated other guys not knowing if it would last or not so why is it different with him. He said I worry too much. I kind of wonder if he thinks if we dated I would go with him to his dad's church and it would change me. I mean I dont know why he isnt concerned like me.

[vashti]

You don't mention if HE is religious, nor if the two of you are dating exclusively. I am going to assume you aren't exclusive, because you call yourself "friends".

If you two are sexually active, I think it is possible you are simply a convenient (and likable) steady supply of sex, and he doesn't have any long term plans that include you. This would explain why he doesn't mind you not being Christian. I don't know that I would call it a "fling" due to the length of time you've been doing this, but after a year that includes regular sex, if you still aren't his girlfriend..... eh. I can't see there being any future.

[elexis]

I did say he is religious. No we aren't truely dating. Mostly because of me holding back because Im so paranoid that it will fail because of our belief differences. That's why I asked the question to see if it is very smart to even persue this any futher. I know he wants something serious and so do I but not sure if it could ever really work out between us.
No we don't have sex. I said we kiss and fool around and can't keep our hands off each other i.e. hug, cuddle, flirting. No sex.
I tried to let it go but I miss him so much when I dont talk to him and see him and he drove me crazy trying to get me to just call him.
Do I need to let this go for good or see if it could work and possibly end up in another dead end relationship. My last one ended after 4 1/2 years and it tore me up. I dont want to get into something especially knowing it might not even last. He seems to think it can work.
We would probably be officially dating if I wasnt so afraid of it failing. Im afraid of developing real serious feelings for him which I have been on the brink of and pull back before I get in too far.

So do you think I should just let all this go and hurt him or let things continue to play out and allow myself to get closer to him? I guess I need someone else's validation Im so afraid of making a mistake.

[nerdy_guy]

I Think he's letting out a bit of steam by limiting himself. He's sexually active but due to the fact that he's a christian, he pushing the limits on what he can and cannot do, hence all the touching and kissing but no sex. Christian girls are likely to be more conservative so he probably saw you as someone he could easily vent out his wild side.

You be the judge.

[lahnnabell]

He might just be enjoying himself while he can. Anyone that gets close to his family will most likely follow the same faith, and that includes his girlfriends. Has he ever talked of introducing you to his family?

[elexis]

Yes he did ask me to come with him to a sort of family function, but made up an excuse not to go. Im afraid of meeting them. And I told him how I feel about church and I didnt intend to go to one probably for a long time so thats probably why he never asked me to come with him sometime. He always makes comments about how I never tell my parents about him, so I know it bothers him, but I havent said anything to them about him because of our age difference. I really dont believe he just wants me to fool around with. Why talk to me on the phone everyday and be interested in how my day went and what not? Theres been times when we didn't see each other for a whole month.

This isnt even about that. Its about if we could make it as a real couple or if for religious reasons its stupid to persue it because it can never work out.

[lahnnabell]

I'm not saying he doesn't care about you. But with his family's strong religious standing, it sounds like they won't be very accepting of you, hence his hesitation to introduce you. I'm not sure why he feels the right to get bent out of shape about not meeting your family when he hasn't officially extended the same courtesy.

[elexis]

Yeah I dont think it will work out. Thank u for answers and any futher advice is appreciated. I just dont see how I can be my self because I am very open about religion and stuff like that and most devout christians arent open at all and I dont think they'll be accepting to that. I guess I want it to so I tried to reason. But in reality I know it probably can't. I think he thinks he can change me.