Only friend or more?

[teel]

Hi all. I have a burning doubt, and I don't know how to get rid of, hence I turned to the most reliable source of advice: the Internet (joke aside, I would very much apreciate your view on this). So.

For starters let me tell you I'm 32 and she's 28, we're both past our first marriage. Which is why my story might sound incredible, I feel like a teenager, instead of a man with experience. I have met a girl online, and chatted with her for the last week for about 5-6 hours each day. It's incredible how much we're alike. By the end of the first day we chatted I felt something I haven't felt in years, and by the end of the week I can't think of anything else than her. Yes, it sounds silly even to me, but I think I'm in love. After 1 week of chatting

Now comes the doubts: she wrote in her online profile that she's basically looking for friends, and that maybe something could develop out of it. Chatting with her I tried some very gentle prodding, to find out if she would like more than just friendship. I didn't get any smarter. She told me something to the effect that who knows, a miracle might happen. I know she enjoys my company very much, but I really wouldn't want to be just friends. We haven't met irl yet, because we live about 100 miles away. That brings me to my second worry: what if she won't like me irl? I know myself, and I will probably block when in presence of the subject of my affection, to the point where she'll see an other person than the one she imagined. We even talked on the phone, and I must have sounded so silly, forgetting even the most basic rules of courtesy, like asking her how she's feeling, or generally talking about her. She has a very beautiful voice though

I know, the general answer is probably to wait and see, but it's almost literally killing me. I told you it's stupid but I almost can't sleep any more. All the while I'm so happy to experience this almost forgotten feeling, that I could just sing for joy.

[Lite]

You cannot have a relationship online. Period. You can start a relationship, you can find someone, but you cannot have a real relationship online. Until it is a real relationship, with real interactions, and real problems, it's all make believe.

If she's not where you are emotionally, then you really probably should just move on and find someone who is ready. Timing really does matter a lot in relationships, and it sounds like the timing isn't there. No harm, no foul, and you really can't change her mind. Just move on.

[kitkitkitty]

i always thought it sounded a bit desperate writing 'looking for a relationship' cos you don't look for them, they find you. ANYWAY.
you've only known each other for a week- you don't love her that takes a lot of non-virtual time, it's more a case of infactuation... she's giving you loads of attention and such. she's saying she doesn't know if she wants a relationship cos you've only known each other for 7 days! she's obviously level-headed and won't rush into anything. you're talking 5-6 hours p/day now but once the initial 'getting to know you' period is gone you'll find it harder. everyone experiences it.

[Progressus]

100 miles? That shouldn't be an issue, should it?

Go and meet her. IN REAL LIFE. Then we can talk again.

As for now, you're just attracted to what you THINK she is like.

Like the others said, your rose-colored glasses might disappear fast when you're experiencing your first arguments.

Take it easy, enjoy the ride, but press for a real-life get-together soon.

[teel]

Yep, you're all probably right I was thinking something along these lines too. I know she's more level-headed than me (dare I say one more quality to apreciate?). And no, 100 miles is not really an issue, only that it needs a little more planning than living next door. My rational part thought about those things you said too, but I do thank you for making me see things more straight. I just hope my hot-headedness won't get me into a trouble that I regret later. It seems you're here to warn me though

As I mentioned I was married before, and I actually never felt a problem to talk for hours even after years of being together. So I am not really afraid of that as long as she's on the same wavelength I'm sure we can find topics. If you're wondering communication was not the issue we got separated with my ex-wife, there was some external complicated affair (not of sexual nature...). In fact we still chat in quite friendly manner now and then.

[LuvGuru]

I cant understand how you can believe you love her in such a short amount of time. I get it that your both have chemistry over the phone and that you've learned a lot about each other via the internet. I think its too soon, way too soon. As for you meeting her and she not likeing you. I wouldnt woory about it, I would meet her to find out. Lets say for whatever reason she doesnt feel the same after meeting you. Where does that leave you?.... Your already investing to much into this, without thinking clearly.

[kitkitkitty]

oh and remember, don't bombard her with anything- txts, flowers, anything. it'll make you look stalkerish and weird and she'll get put off. i say that cos i've known guys to do it when they're really into a girl they can't see all the time.

[teel]

Yep Guru of love, that's the reason I joined here, so that I hear other people's oppinion and see more clearly I am probably investing much... but after all what do I have to lose? A heartbreak would not be something new to me, and it doesn't scare me off... On the other hand I think I have a great deal to win.

[kitkitkitty]

A heartbreak would not be something new to me, and it doesn't scare me off..

don't start thinking about that already! enjoy and make the most of the time talking. just don't go OTT or fabricate an image before you've met her in person.

[LuvGuru]

Yep Guru of love, that's the reason I joined here, so that I hear other people's oppinion and see more clearly I am probably investing much... but after all what do I have to lose? A heartbreak would not be something new to me, and it doesn't scare me off... On the other hand I think I have a great deal to win.

LOL...My advice is to go into this with OPEN EYES. You said that heartbreak doesnt scare you off, thats good. Just becareful. It maybe hard but, you really need to keep your feelings in check. Your at a 100% and its only been a week or so, you have no idea how she feels or if shes totally making everything up at this point. Throttle it back to 50%, meet this girl ans see where it goes. My other piece of advice is to Keep your wallet in check, meaning watch your money, no loans, flowers, IOU's or anything that cost you serious cash.