A few worries with Girlfriend

[SteveM]

Hi,

I just wanted to ask a few questions... I think I have a lovely girlfriend, she's very pretty, very nice, very down to earth and I think she treats me well. There are a few things bothering me though and I wanted some perspective on it.

1.
She doesn't like to go out too much. I love her and I love doing the "good" boyfriend thing and watching a movie but sometimes I just wanna go out with her. Take this week, she asked if I could see her one thursday, I agreed and said we should go catch a movie. She agreed but on meeting her she just kept saying how tired she was. She just met me in her work clothes and right after wanted to head home, said she wasn't feeling well and was tired.

I had asked her to maybe come out on Saturday night with me. Cue Saturday morning texting me to ask if I would come over to watch a movie with her and her room-mate for the night. I like her room-mate but she's 10 years older than us and my idea of fun on a Saturday evening isn't watching movie with her roomie and roomies cats... I try to be good and have dinner and watch a DVD on a weekend, keep it low key, I don't mind once in a while doing this at the weekend if we are tired but not every week. I've had a long week and need to just do something fun before the week starts again.

She asked me to lunch today and I took her out but she had to go home to work on a paper right afterwards, she's in grad school. I know she has deadlines but its just a recurring thing.

I like the idea of meeting a girl on a fri/sat night and seeing that she spent time getting all dressed up in anticipation of meeting me, Its just great feeling as a guy. Maybe thats wrong. Its just that when I do go out with her sh just comes straight from work and lugging all her gear and usually she doesn't want to at all. I'd gladly meet her another night she's not rushing from work and we'd have more fun and she wouldnt be tired but she suggested it.

2. This kinda leads to my 2nd point... paying for things.
When I start dating I will always pay for a girl. I would never make her pay. I do appreciate when they offer but usually thank them and say its not necessary. However where I'm from (not America), once you are seeing a girl often, I'm used to girls paying half for a meal or going ever 2nd round if we go for drinks, things like that... not ALL the time, I like to be a gent but I appreciate it when a girl will go ahead and buy the 2nd round after I buy the first, things like that....

I don't mean to sound cheap, its just that like this week. She asked me to come to dinner thursday but I suggested the cinema as I knew it'd be cheaper, it was thursday and I wasnt being paid until the next day. But I was annoyed that it was just show uo, buy her a ticket and food and then... good night, bye!
Today she asked if I'd meet her for lunch. I did and I paid for lunch and again, right after, she had to get back to do her paper. It was just lunch, it wasn't a lot but I'm used to people paying half and half... If its something big I'll pay but something like movie or some food I'm used to girls paying half or taking every 2nd turn or something.

Her dad said something when I met him about "treating her right". I'd never heard the phrase before and was taken aback and very insulted but I let it go. Why would I not treat her right? If I#m seeing her I think it goes without saying she's been treated correctly but maybe it's that attitude that "treating her right" that I pay for everything and do everything. I'm really not a cheapskate but it's hard to pay for her meals constantly when she asks me to dinner or vise versa, I probably make more than her but I'm not loaded. I like to treat a girl but I can't buy her every day stuff ALL the time... is this wrong in America?

What do people think of these things? Am I in the wrong?

[lahnnabell]

How long have you been dating?

Sounds like grad school and work are taking its toll on her, hence why she's so tired all the time. My senior year of college my boyfriend and I did nothing but eat, sleep, internship, school work, and the occasional movie outing. But that was it for 4 months straight (even Fridays and Saturdays). The thing that helped us was we were on the same page lifestyle wise. We were both seniors, completing internships and thesis papers. We helped keep each other sane during that crazy stressful time.

You and your girlfriend are not like this. Sounds like you work and use your free time to chill. When she's done with work, she has homework. And grad school isn't fluff work. Neither of you are in the wrong here, you're just at different stages right now. She wants to focus and be done with grad school while you want to spend your free time relaxing. There's nothing wrong with either. How much longer does she have with grad school? Do you think you can stick this out until things in her life calm down?