cant control this paranoia

[deadair]

i found out my wife was having an affair 2 months ago (this is her 2nd affair that i know of). we are trying to make our marriage work and desperately want to have a happy family life (we have 2 young kids); but i cannot get rid of the feeling of hurt - i am now in the position where i'm paranoid all the time and feel like i am pushing her away and making her life unhappy (i'm not much fun to be with at the moment thats for sure)
...i dont know why i'm even on a forum sharing this but i guess i'm at a loss as to what to do and hoped there might be people out there with some helpful advice based on their own experience
Thanks

[WaiKru]

You should get some marriage counceling if you're both really serious about trying to make things work. Regaining your trust will be a long process for her, but if she's willing to work for it and get through this issue she seems to have then it can get better. Talk to her about it. Make it very clear that you want to fix the relationship, but only if she's willing to commit and be serious about it.

[sherylinfenn]

Deadair,

once you figure out what to do please let me know (I mean it!!) I have been in the same situation - loving with a layer, forgiving and trying to make it work.. so far it did not work.. my guess is it will never will... lost trust is the worst that can happen...If you both are willing to go for it then you have to let go of the distrust ( For yourself!) just forget it and pretend the affair never happened otherwise you will sabotage every attempt she makes to change..and sooner or later she will stop.. just forgive her for your sake and pray to god she does not do it again.. You owe this to your kids! at least one day you can face them and say I have tried everything in my power to make it work with your mom!!!

Best of luck to you both

[LuvGuru]

DeadAir, sorry to hear of your issues. You have every right to be paranoid, even though is not helpfull you. I do agree that counseling is seriously needed. You said that you paranoia is pushing her away and making her unhappy...In my opinion shes deserving of it. Shes cheated twice (that you know of). You obviously love your wife. I think the work and effort to make things work should be coming from her end. If its not...and this is the second time shes had a affair...maybe shes not trying to be married.

[Teddy057]

Two affairs? Come on now, wake up and smell the napalm. Of course you can't be happy, your wife banged 2 other men (that you know of). She's obviously not dedicated to the relationship like you are, and it's disgusting. She has two kids for Christ sakes. You making her life unhappy? Hah, screw what how she feels, she's cheated on you twice now. That shit ends marriages and happy families. I honestly don't think you can ever move past such a hurt and slap to the face.

Remember, ""Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.""

[LuvGuru]

Remember, ""Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.""

Amen...Brotha!