Hi all,

My boyfriend and I have been dating almost five years. Basically, we're married. We live together, share funds, and deal with things together. The reason we're not married is because we both recently started graduate school and moved across the country together and couldn't find the time or the money for a wedding at this time (a wedding ceremony is an awful thing to be practical about, but sometimes you just have to abstain). Up until now it's been great. We just started our much harder classes. I am able to deal with the extra stress of working in a lab seven days a week plus teaching and taking my own classes, but he is not. He becoming very distant (a trait that I respect, but it's getting out of control). I realize we all need time to ourselves every once in a while, but his version is avoiding work and going to a bar alone after his day is over (this has happened roughly once a week for the past two weeks). I know this is not an uncommon occurrence for people in general, but it's something that bothers me nonetheless. Tonight was especially bad. He was pretty drunk and jokingly saying things that were hurtful to me. I got emotional and all of the stress from his daily life was throttled at me quite angrily. He told me he wants to just be alone. He said if he fails he quits everything (school and our relationship) and is moving home. The he proceeded to blame me for him not being able to do his work. He said all he wants is to be completely alone and away from people (which only made me more emotional).

This is uncharacteristic of him. Usually when I am upset by something he has done, he is very supportive and quickly changes the behavior. I have only had this happen with him once before while I was living in Georgia for a summer program and he was still in Kentucky.

What is the worst is that he will not talk with me about his issues. He is keeping them to himself and leaving me blind. I fear that after moving from Kentucky to Arizona everything will fall apart. I mostly feel like this, like most other things, will resolve with time and patience, but do any of you have advice for the meantime? Anything would be greatly appreciated.