I met my best friend my freshmen year of highschool. From the beginning he liked me & was *Not afraid to show it. I met him one day wen he was following me out of nowhere on my way to my school bus. I didnt kno him & had never seen him in my life! He told me he was my current boyfriend's friend (an excuse to talk to me, I feel). He walkd w/ me more than once & I didnt mind. 3 months later my bf & I broke up bcuz it was friendship more than anything. He was nice & I liked him, but that was as far as it would go. I was still stuck on my ex boyfriend bfore him- a prideful jerk that I dated in middle school, my 1st "puppy love". Thats wen my best friend began going to my bus (I wonder if on purpose) & thats where it all began. He was open with me on his emotions, but I saw him only as a friend. Honestly, I was broken up by the memory of my exboyfriend who had pride issues & would treat me like crap.. Like he thought he was better than me. I didnt want to kno anything about guys *romantically. I was relieved to hav ____ as my friend. We were close. As close as I would & hav ever gotten w/ a guy.. We would tell each other almost everything. All that was missing was talking on the phone & visiting each other. During the coarse of that year, he askd me out 4 times. I turnd him down..
Sophmore year, I changed bus therefore I didnt see him. *1* day in September I got askd out by a new guy @ school. I kinda liked him. Barely. But I kept saying "No" after "No" to him, but he was soo persistent that I told myself "Wat's the worst?.." Besides,.. he said that if it didnt work out we could always just break up- The*Only reason I said "ok". (Anything to get him to stop asking over & over). Fast forward 2 1/2 yrs later. He was the worst relationship I could Ever hav. From cursing insults, to sex pressure, to physical abuse 2-3 instances, to guilt trips, I could not take it!! But I couldnt break it off bcuz wen I would try he would cry & I would feel bad. It would break my heart to break his, but he would Promise me to change & never would. I didnt love him, but felt a strong attachment. I was so use to him. (Yes,.. lol I really had issues). I broke it off near the end of Senior year. & Finally!
I Soon fell in love w/ my bff- wen I had, at last, nothing distracting me. I was ready to get rid of the poison in my life, & I loved myself. I had a class w/ him in the morning. I sat next to him & I observed & I saw him in a different light. He had also matured in many ways. Now looking back, I think that I always had a thing fr him- But I was in denial. At the least, after freshmen year bcuz -> For example, Junior year he purposely switched over to my Italian class (I believe), in the middle of the year. He never had Italian, but he kne I was the star student, as I would tell him. He sat next to me in that class & one time he & I were talking & he was crouching near my desk. The teacher called our attention. Having known my life & knowing that I had a bf (the abusive 1), he said, "You two stop talking.. & sit in your seat (to him).. And dont you hav a bf?" (to me). He didnt wait fr my answer & walkd away.. I was so pissed off. I was botherd. My relationship was a joke & I just wantd my best friend near/close to me. I didnt understand/know why it made me feel just good, why I liked him being near/close, or why it made me happy. I questioned my reaction, but shook it off as an "off" moment. Many things like that happened.
One Main reason why I Didnt go out w/ him,.. I thought he was crazy. I believed he just liked "The Chase" & not Me. I doubted myself.. But, I told him the truth the last day of school. I had been meaning to tell him frm bfore, but something would always get in the way. Besides my fear of losing him. He had something going on w/ a girl 5 yrs. younger than him @ school. He never talked about her to me, Only mentioned her twice & seemed reluctant to. He got down to the point, no details; that there was something there, but they werent official. I already kne frm Fb. (He would leave her comments w/ pet names). What I wondered was why he didnt tell me? & no offense intended, but I also wondered what he was thinking.. I kne he had never had a gf, but she wasnt exactly.. uh, the beauty.. I kno, beauty isnt everything, but you should hav mayb *some kind of standard. Her personality wasnt amazing. She was kinda average. But she was the"1st girl" to "go fr him". Well, she lookd like a chubby squirrel, but kinda.. square. A chubbier, darker version of Snookie w/, unfortunately, not a bit of a figure. No exaggerations, my jealousy aside. Bcuz I don�t like being blunt (& God forgiv me, lol). But you get the picture..lol.
So, I told him the truth, it was after school the last day & I was feeling down bcuz I "kne" I had run out of time & wouldnt b able to tell him in person. But that same afternoon as I was going to the *Public bus stop this time* he caught up to me unexpectedly. He was all flustered & breathing like he had been running and told me, "Hey, I was calling you!, Didnt you hear me?" I really hadnt. I was relieved he found me. He askd me where I was going. I told him the bus stop. He said he would follow. He talked about the weather and "warm feelings in his stomach" (?) I told him mayb it was the weather.. He said "no". It was a couple of blocks away, so I askd him why he was walking w/ me. He said it was bcuz he had nothing better to do. I told him he should go home, then. He said no. So, we kept walking/talking & on the way I confessed (sorta). I told him I wantd to giv him a chance. That was all I said, but I think it was enough. He paused (probably surprised, but idk) & looking down said that he was leaving to boot camp (training) fr the Marines. Something I already kne.., but didnt matter to me. He said he didnt want to risk a relationship by having one, now. I just listened. So we kept walking. When we arrived @ the bus stop bench we sat down. I must�ve asked him 3-4 times, if he was sure he didn�t wanted to go home, (especially when it started to rain down hard). But he kept saying no. Lol, so I said �Wont your mom ask?� He said she wouldn�t bcuz he would run on the track field after school sometimes. So, I askd him, �But, lol, its raining.. Wont she ask why you decided to get wet?�.. He said no, (wat a surprise!..) bcuz he runs in the rain, too. It was normal for him. So there we were getting soaked under the rain w/ our book bags over our heads fr cover.
Eventually, we had to move under a roof top and there we kept talking Suddenly he grabed me by the waist and picked me up. Lifting me off the ground, he kissed me on the forehead. As he put me bak down, I was silent. And he continued to talk, telling me the time he would return. When the bus came,( I gotta say we were there fr an hr @ least). I got in 1st sat down & chekd my book bag fr my wallet & money. I wasn�t fast enough bcuz bfore I could find it he already paid fr me. On the bus, he jus randomly talks about how he thinks a guy should b stable (house, career, money) so that he has something to offer the women. I just kept thinking I didn�t giv a crap about money, a house, ect. I could do that for *Myself! I loved Him.. but I stayed quiet. The bus arrived in front of my building & I got off w/ him. We said goodbye & I told him this was my last day. He askd me why I wouldn�t go tmorrow. I told him bcuz I didn�t kno if any other Senior was going & (I was honest) I didn�t kno if *He was going. He didn�t look me in the eyes. He was too busy squinting @ the non-existent sun. He said �You never kno�.
He came the next day. But we didn�t get to talk. About a month later I Imed him on Fb asking him wat his feeling fr me were. He paused fr so long I thought he was typing a paragraph, but had only written that he loved me as a friend, ect. I askd him, �And that�s it, right?� He paused again & wrote how I was his best friend and he loved me & trusted me. He never said "no" this time. He changed the subject quick, as if he was afraid the silence would hurt me. While I was typing trying to do the same thing (trying to tell him we would always stay friends). He told me he wantd to keep in contact w/ me. He told me we would hav to go bak the old fashioned way & write letters so he askd me fr my exact address. We said goodbye. He hasn�t written yet, (he left Aug 9 exactly), but Ive also been afraid to chek so I go days w/ out. I regret nnot having said bye to him on his last day. He was on fb & SoO many ppl did & I didn�t bcuz I was dreading it..Wen I decide I Just Had to I was 2hrs late, he left fr his flight. I would�ve felt stupid to b the Very Last 1 to comment saying bye wen he was already gone & Noone was commenting anymore. Idk wat to think. Plz, guys, your opinions? Should I Hold on? Let go? Move on? Try harder? Srry this was so looong..lol. Just couldn�t get myself to leave anything out & I had Alot to get off my chest. But If you really like to read,.. This is fr *You!!

*P.S; I hav another guy who likes me. We've gone on a couple of dates in the past 2 months. I like him, but thats it. Thats wat I meant by "Move on". If it was fr me i would cut it off w/ him & try it out w/ my best friend, but Im not sure he has feelings fr me. I think he does & hes a liar, (hes lied to me bfore, btw) But my feelings could b clouding my judgement.