3 years, out the window.

[Specialized]

My (ex)girlfriend and I have been dating for almost three years now. We began dating in high school, and decided to go to school together.

Everything was perfect. All those corny love songs began to make sense (as said somewhere). I had never felt this way about a girl before. I was truly in love with her. We talked about everything, from our past, to the future. We made plans about what kind of house we were going to have, where we would live, and what color our garage door would be. We fought on very rare occasions.

The one thing we did fight about, was a recurring event. She has always had a bunch of guy friends, never any girl friends. I never wanted to be the "jealous" boyfriend, but it happened. I started to feel uneasy about her staying out with 10 guys till 3 in the morning. She would always come home, reeking of liquor. I began to get jealous, and we fought. One day, she told me that she had "liked" someone else, a particular guy who she was spending an enormous amount of time with. She said that she liked him, but that she loved me and that she didn't want us to end.

However, despite that one particular issue, we never fought about anything else.

A month ago, she came home from a party at school (over summer break, she went to visit), and told me that we needed to talk. She sat me down, told me that we weren't independent enough, and that we needed to spend time apart to work on it. I was absolutely floored. She never mentioned this to me, not once. We never talked about it. She went straight to the gun, and pulled the trigger.

She broke up a three year long relationship over something that was never brought up in our relationship. And she was not upset about it, not for a single second.

Since we've been back to school, she's been constantly going out with one guy. They spend 99% of their time with each other, and I really don't get to see her anymore. What sucks is, she lives right next to me. We chose to live together this year (in a co-ed dorm).

As you can imagine, this is making getting over her very hard. I have to see her every morning, and every night. I get to see her taking this guy into her room at night. And I also get to hear them.

At this point, I am beyond heartbroken. I have spiraled into what I think is depression. I just can't understand where those feelings went. Everything was great one day, and then things went south the next. What's worse, is that I've put this girl on a pedestal that is so high, that no girl can compare. She was absolutely perfect.

What do I do? I've been carrying out my days in absolute agony. My school performance is begin to suffer, as I got a C on an exam for the first time in my life. I didn't even seem to care.

I'm so lost.

[Teddy057]

What do you do? You wait till next semester and get out of that coed shit next to her. She's made her decision, and it's this new guy. It's time for you to think rationally and move on, don't get caught up in this feeling sorry for yourself battle. If she can move on to someone new and feel nothing, why bother sitting around depressed and missing her? Fuc* her man, you deserve better, and it's out there. She sounds like a total bitch, anyone who kicks you to the curb with some bullshit excuse gets no respect in my book. She lied to you, it wasn't that you two weren't independent enough, it was because she wanted to start banging someone new.

Girls in college can be very dumb and irrational. They want to experiment, with lots of men and god knows what else. Not all of them that is, but it definitely sounds like your ex fits in to this category. You're young and living at college, there's tons of chicks around you. Take advantage of that while you can, go out and do what your ex is doing. Experiment and date around. Focus on your grades as well, it's very important to not get sidetracked on some dumb emotional shit. College is all about learning how people are and can be, you're learning the hard way of how badly relationships can suck. Sorry about that, but it's just life. Keep your head up and don't get too down in the dumps, everything will be just fine.

[Specialized]

Thanks Teddy, for that valuable advice.

Unfortunately, my school doesn't allow moving once the year has started. I will have to wait till next year.

This whole thing couldn't have happened at a worse time. Although I am a student, I'm also a professional cyclist. As you can imagine, this means I am extremely busy 95% of the year. Over these past few years, I spent a majority of my free time (that 5%) with my girlfriend. I never really made any friends because of this.

What's worse? I've been cycling for 9 years now. Almost my entire life was spent traveling, training and doing homework. This meant that I never got a chance to be a very social person. I just never had time for friends.

My professional cycling career has come to an end now. This was my last season with Colavita, and I have stopped in order to focus on school. Now, I'm just sitting in my room, with nothing to do on a Friday night. I don't have a single person on my phone's contact list that I can call. I really want to get out there, but I feel like my current state of mind isn't going to be too attractive to anyone.

[Teddy057]

Well yeah, no one likes or wants to be around a depressed dude. So, take some time to cheer yourself up and slowly start to meet new people. Get involved on campus, and I'm sure there's stuff always going on around campus and the dorms (I know my campus has shit going on all the time, but I commute so I don't participate in that shit ;p). Meet people in classes, ask hot chicks to study, there's really tons of possibilities out there.

I'm also very athletic and love to lift weights and workout. Perhaps you should try and get involved at your college's gym? See if there's any cycling classes or whatever you could teach or be a part of. I've met tons of people through the gym, it's great to find people with the same interest(s) as you.

[Specialized]

Well, I went out to a party tonight...and found out that she was having sex with multiple guys while we were dating. Apparently she has built up a reputation around our school as "the girl that does it all with them all."

Talk about a bullet to the heart.

[kitkitkitty]

i think she never said anything because that wasn't the real reason for breaking up and she may have been seeing this 'guy she liked' while you were together. they may not have done anything but the feelings were there and she could've been emotionally cheating on you. and when you weren't together they then started doing whatever so she 'wouldn't feel bad'. she wasn't apparently upset cos she got what she wanted and has casted you aside for this other guy who coincidently, she now spends all her time with. i'd say that's enough to knock her off that pedestal.
edit: sorry, i'd only read the 1st post and not the one about multiple guys. i can imagine it being ridiculously hard but she sounds like a tool.

[Specialized]

I'll have to get over her. That's the only way.

However, as we all know, it's easier said than done. I still look at her with endless affection, and wish that she would say that she made a horrible mistake.

That's just not going to happen.

[Gribble]

You find a new girl, hombre. You forget this one. There's near seven billion people on this Earth. I'm pretty goddamn sure the one you had sucking your little prick at night wasn't the best of the bunch. Not by a long shot. Find yourself another honey and don't get so hung up.

[lahnnabell]

I think you made a really stupid decision to go to school together and live together. College is not a decision that should be made based on other people's plans. It is about YOU.

And she was right. You two shouldn't be planning for marriage when you're not even out of college yet. One thing at a time. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you need to hear it before you start shacking up with the next girl and get your heart blown to bits again.

The fact that she was cheating makes her a total bitch. Her breaking up with you and wanting a different life (outside of her cheating) is totally understandable. Nevertheless, I'm sorry. But you need to work on moving on. And you know, if you really want to move rooms, I bet you could push it through. You just have to talk to the right administrative person. Hell, that's how I weaseled my way into college in the first place

[Specialized]

Thank you guys. I know all of you are saying the right things here.

I just can't help but be depressed right now. I'm always sad, and even getting out of bed in the morning is rough.

[Teddy057]

Thank you guys. I know all of you are saying the right things here.

I just can't help but be depressed right now. I'm always sad, and even getting out of bed in the morning is rough.

That's completely normal, It took me a couple months to move on from my ex. Everyone heals in different ways, and everyone takes a different amount of time to truly heal. The feelings will slowly fade into what seems like lifetimes ago, and you will be able to start dating again.

This quote helped me a lot, "When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anybody who leaves you, and it doesn't mean that they are bad people. It just means that their part in your story is over." Keep your head up, man. Everything will work out just fine.

[Mish]

Look on the bright side, better 3 years later than 10