3 years gone for good?

[Robby5692]

Hello all,

Just some background information to begin. I'm a recently graduated high school student and is currently attending college now for a bachelor's degree. Throughout the relationship, until it was brought to my attention, I was fond of the silent treatment when we'd get into arguments(and now I really do REGRET it). So, here's my dilemma (you might want to grab a cup of java at this point).

After taking interest in a girl from my geography class in late grade 9, I finally gathered up the courage to ask her out before the end of that year. This whole time I was sorta depressed about my brother in law's death (who had just recently been married to my sister the summer previous to grade 9), he was an English and drama teacher at my school and had been such a great guy towards everyone. This whole event kinda took an effect on me during first semester of grade 10. I started to get really depressed and felt like killing myself. My girlfriend knew about the problem and contacted my mom who eventually called the police, worried about my state. I took this negatively and got really antisocial for a week or so. After this whole phase I sorta pretended like it didn't happen and tried to move on. During grade 11 I really stopped caring about my grades in school (more than I normally did) and started play video games quite a lot. Of course, my girlfriend didn't like this at all (and lets be honest, who would?) and she only contacted my mom through email to try to get me to stop playing so much video games. On very few occasions did she tell me personally that I was addicted and needed to stop or I'd be threatening our relationship. During this year we also started, how should I put it... "exploring sexuality to it's fullest extent".

During grade 12 I started to straighten up with my marks and the amount of time I'd spend playing video games but I was very irritable at this time as well. The courses my girlfriend took that year were also giving her trouble because she had terrible teachers for most of the courses. Throughout this year we got into more fights mainly about stupid school related things. This was also when I'd get very depressed and told her how I just wanted to "blow my brains out" or kill myself somehow which sparked more arguments. Later on during the year we had one really bad argument which left her hurt and me feeling like a total asshole (which I was). A simple apology was not enough. I bought her flowers and a card and put it in her locker then signed out that day feeling like crap for what I'd done. After school that day she came over and we talked about things and things went back to the way they were. Anyways, the year ended and summer started...

She lives with a very dysfunctional family so she was never really praised for what she did or congratulated for any accomplishments. Her father is sort of anti-social, her mother has a disability which (I think) is why my girlfriend feels obliged to take care of her and drive her places. And her sister, well, doesn't act the nicest towards her (kicking, punching, etc). The week before she broke up with me, I had been picking her up almost every day at 2 in the morning because she had been fighting with her family. Every time I'd pick her up she'd be really stressed out and she stayed over a couple of nights. Then after a week of minimal contact (msn), she came over and said "I think we need a break". Well, at this point I pretty much broke down and cried (as well as herself) and she said she thinks it'd be best for the both of us. After trying to get her to reconsider, she left and I fell into deep depression. I used this heartbreak to better myself to make myself more appealing. I started to get into a workout routine, I picked up photography and started playing the piano which I stopped playing before high school and just tried to maintain myself. After agreeing that we shouldn't really be talking to each other (because it made it harder for us) we stopped talking for about a month. After this month I started getting worried and anxious because I didn't know if she wanted a breakup or a "break". So she went out with me one day near the lake and we talked about it and I told her how I have been trying to be a better person and easier to get along with. At the end of the night, I met with disappointment...it was a breakup. Although I was still left attached because she said something to the effect of "we'll see how things go in December". (After first the first term). Also, she said the reason for the breakup was because she wouldn't be able to manage school, a job, and a relationship without going "insane".

After this, we've still kept in contact. And just recently I've gone with her to help her choose a laptop for university (I'm kind of a tech geek, I WAS a gamer after all) and she really appreciated me going with her. The day right after that, which was the day before everybody went back to school, she made it clear that she wanted me to come with her and a friend to hang out because we wouldn't see that person for another year. That's two "outings" on two days, one after the other. I feel like we're still close but now that school has started, that we might grow distant and things might not workout. Both times I've seen her she hasn't been awkward or anything. And she's not the kind of person to go out and find someone else that quickly. She is more introverted and is a very intelligent girl and cares for others. She lives very close to me and she hasn't moved out for school. What should I do? Do I have a chance?