Time Limit on a Break???

[AA11390]

Two days ago, I proposed the idea of a break to my girlfriend because she mentioned that she hasn't been happy with our relationship, and the way things were going. I asked her what about it was wrong, and she didn't have a straight answer, so I told her that if she's not happy that she needs time to think and reflect about what she really wants in a relationship, and what it is that makes her happy. She agreed, and we went on with a "break". Later that day she called me and told me that 1, it wasn't my fault that shes been upset, and that shes just been depressed with things, and 2, she stated that there is a very good chance we will be back together, but for the time being she just needs time to think about things, and, we should both be open to other people for the duration of the break. Now here is what confused me. The break up occurred on Sept 7th, and she said that we should have a no contact policy until the day before her birthday of September 24th. She even went further and discussed a time that would be good on that day to call so that we will both be around for the phone call. So what I got from this was she doesn't want to be contacted any earlier than Sept 24th at 3pm, but I can contact her later if I need more time. Personally, I don't need any time to think bc ik I want her back, but Im wondering, why is she setting such a random time frame for this? And I feel like I have to have almost absolutely no self-dignity to give into her ways and wait until she is ready for me to call. What is she thinking?? And what do I do?

P.S Sorry if what I just typed above seems confusing, just let me know if anything needs to be explained clearer, and I will be glad to do so. Thank you

[vashti]

She wants a birthday present from you.

Are you really okay with her dating other people during this "break"? Because that's what it sounds like she intends to do.

[AA11390]

I mean I really don't like the idea, but I feel like if our relationship was really meant to be, then any other guy she meets is just a bump in the road, does that make sense? Im sure she doesn't like the idea of me dating other people either, but I feel like even though I know what I want in a relationship, maybe I can use this time to explore what else is out there as well...

You don't think it gives her too much power if I call her on the time that she specified? She doesn't even want me calling on the day of her birthday, but the day before...

[AA11390]

Two days ago, I proposed the idea of a break to my girlfriend because she mentioned that she hasn't been happy with our relationship, and the way things were going. I asked her what about it was wrong, and she didn't have a straight answer, so I told her that if she's not happy that she needs time to think and reflect about what she really wants in a relationship, and what it is that makes her happy. She agreed, and we went on with a "break". Later that day she called me and told me that 1, it wasn't my fault that shes been upset, and that shes just been depressed with things, and 2, she stated that there is a very good chance we will be back together, but for the time being she just needs time to think about things, and, we should both be open to other people for the duration of the break. Now here is what confused me. The break up occurred on Sept 7th, and she said that we should have a no contact policy until the day before her birthday of September 24th. She even went further and discussed a time that would be good on that day to call so that we will both be around for the phone call. So what I got from this was she doesn't want to be contacted any earlier than Sept 24th at 3pm, but I can contact her later if I need more time. Personally, I don't need any time to think bc ik I want her back, but Im wondering, why is she setting such a random time frame for this? And I feel like I have to have almost absolutely no self-dignity to give into her ways and wait until she is ready for me to call. What is she thinking?? And what do I do?

P.S Sorry if what I just typed above seems confusing, just let me know if anything needs to be explained clearer, and I will be glad to do so. Thank you

[Mish]

She agreed, and we went on with a "break". Later that day she called me and told me that 1, it wasn't my fault that shes been upset, and that shes just been depressed with things, and 2, she stated that there is a very good chance we will be back together, but for the time being she just needs time to think about things, and, we should both be open to other people for the duration of the break.

I would disagree with her "conditions" if I were you. If she wants to see other people during the break then it's best to break up permanently.

[ginastar]

yea give her the space she wants. if she loves u any guy she meets will just make her want u more.
let her miss you also

[VincenzoG91]

Sounds like some other dude is going to be having sex with her before September 24.

Don't think of a break as just a break. Think of it as more like the beginning of the end of the relationship.

[VincenzoG91]

She met somebody else and now wants a chance to try him out. You should just move on before you get hurt.

[misombra]

Leave her alone. She wants to drag you around. You will look like such a sucker if you agree to her bullshit terms.

[Mish]

Double thread merged, please don't double post

[Charisma]

I don't think *breaks* work. You're either dating/exclusive or you're not.

It doesn't matter if she *thinks* you'll get back together by such and such a date. Make her decide now, not after a little period of her doing what she likes while you wait for her to tell you what's going on with you two.

Or better yet just dump her and find someone else.

[kitkitkitty]

i don't think breaks are for relationships- if you love someone and you want to be with them, you generalyy know it. if you're having doubts then you can't be 100% committed.
so she's saying she wants a break but will most probably get back together? sounds like she has some unsatiable desire to sleep with/ kiss another guy but doesn't want it to be 'cheating' so she says you shouldn't be together for a while. 'breaks' are supposedly to sort your head out about your relationship, not about having a possible fling with someone. i think she already has someone lined up.

[VincenzoG91]

Breaks are phony. The theory is that you will take time out from seeing each other to get a fresh perspective and new start on the existing relationship at a later date.

The reality is that the people who suggest breaks tend to be lame cheaters. They want to try out somebody else, but they don't want to cheat. And they don't want to break up, in case the new person doesn't work out. So they suggest a "break", to give them a loophole for cheating without cheating. If the new person works out, then the break turns into a break-up. If the new person doesn't work out, then the break ends and the relationship resumes, though weakened by shenanigans that happened during the break.

Think about it. If it's just about getting some space, then all a couple needs to do is hang out with friends instead of each other for a while, or just do stuff alone for a time. And there wouldn't even need to be a special term for it like "break", they could substitute the word "busy." But no, we have this phony break concept invented by lame cheaters, and it's ridiculous that so many people fall for it.

[Profligacy]

She is obviously going to/has already cheated on you. This happened to my friend, his gf said something similar to him (minus the birthday time interval) and it was discovered she was sleeping with another boy who she had met a couple months before at work. He never got back with her. I would go get on some girls and help you get over her. Her thing of saying "i think its likely we will get back together" is basically a conditional that if she is not happy with this new fella, then she can come back to you where you will have open arms. OR. Alternatively, wait until the phone call on her birthday, act nice and calm, talk about it, then if she still says "i dont think it is going to work", then you know that she is an uppity better-than-everyone super skank.