How do I look at this breakup in a healthy way this time

[nerdlover82]

I've been with my ex through a lot. He has always had fear of intimacy and commitment issues, and we worked on that together. This work and struggle is part of what makes it hard for me to move on. Let me explain:

We started dating about 7 years ago in college, and did an on and off thing for a while. Then we eventually became friends over e-mail, and eventually started dating for about another year...then we broke up for three months and have been together for about two years. (Yeah, I know, crazy).

Well, last night, he declared he did not want to continue the relationship because he couldn't see himself marrying me and we're going in circles with the same issues. The problem is that I know that he does this whenever he feels backed into a corner (we recently talked about moving in/getting married). He freaks, gets over it and comes back and then our relationship improves from where it was. Because I know this pattern, and because I know he loves me, I have a hard time truly letting go (in the past I have held on, living in almost a fantasy that he would return—the only thing is, he did always return). I feel like we have gone through this too many times now, but I'm scared if and when he comes back I will cave. On one level, I'm scared of caving and being with someone who might freak on me, but on another I am scared to lose him. I'm a rather sensitive person, I love him as deeply as I could imagine loving someone and I also feel like I've invested so much time and so much work into this relationship that a part of me doesn't want to let it go. He was also my first love, and I have only dated two other people for short times in my life. I watched him go from someone who couldn't even say I love you or say I was his girlfriend to someone who was having a solid relationship with me, often telling me he loved me and bragging to others about his girlfriend.

Obviously, I am confused and hurt and I don't know where to go from here. I desperately need advice from someone who can understand my feelings right now.

[hsmit31]

sounds like a nightmare.. i say if you really want the relationship to work sit down and be completely open with him, and if he still sticks to his story then let him go because you cant force someone to want to be with you , and most important you deserve to be happy.