Confused with this girl...

[MVP]

So I'm dating this girl I met 3 weeks ago. We've been on two dates, the first date was great, the only negative was that I didn't kiss her when I had such an obvious and easy chance. The second date went even better, lots of laughs, and we had two different short make-out sessions (one time on my couch where I just went for it, and the second time right before I drove her home). Well, our last (second) date was Sunday, and I waited until today to text her. Here is where I get confused. I text her first, she texts back quickly, I text her again at 1:30PM but don't receive a response until 7PM (she's probably working in this time frame so it's cool), I responded at around 9PM when I got out of the gym and also asked her out in that message, now it's once again been hours and I haven't gotten a response. She did something like this before the second date, where she took a full day to actually confirm the date. Usually this would strike me as low interest, but I could give several reasons why she doesn't, seem to have at least, low interest, including our two different make-outs on the second date. I'm gonna be honest and say I'm kinda mindf*cked right now. Thoughts?

[LailaK]

It sounds like you usually wait hours (or longer) to text her.

I usually take my cues from the guy when responding back to texts, emails, and phone calls. If he takes days to reply, I will take days to reply. If he responds right away, I will respond right away.

"Why do that?" you say. "Why 'play games' that way?"

I've been dating for many, many years and research has proven to me two things: a) If you respond right away to a guy who responds to you moderately he will assume you're a crazy clinger and run away; b) If you respond moderately to a guy who clearly likes you and puts forth the effort to respond immediately he'll assume you don't like him and run away. Therefore the most efficient way of communicating with a guy is to take your cues from him.

What does that mean for you? If you want her to respond right away to your texts perhaps you shouldn't wait 4 days before you contact her. That looks like low interest on your part. Why should she respond right away to a guy who waits 4 days to contact her after a date?

Better yet, when asking her out, why not give her a call. Trust me. Only one guy I've dated in the last 4 years actually called me to ask me out. It won him so many points and I totally thought he was "The Man" because of it. To this day he stands out in my mind as extremely confident considering every other guy has been a passive texter.

[MVP]

It was actually Sunday night when we went out on the second date, and Wednesday early afternoon when I contacted her, so it wasn't even three full days that I waited before contacting her. Anyways, the reason for waiting at least two days after the date to contact her is to not act/look like a needy desperate guy and scare HER away. And sh*t, I'm busy too, sometimes I can't respond to a message right away either. But I sure don't wait a full day to respond to a text...

I also just realized that none of these "wait however long before texting" games were played when I was asking her out on the first date.

[LailaK]

I stand by what I said. She's most likely just following your lead.

If a guy waited 2 or 3 days to contact me after a great date I'd assume that he's either not that into me, or he's playing games. Either way I would respond in kind.

[MVP]

Well, I truly could not believe the text I got. This came out of absolutely nowhere. She writes me:

"Haha I had fun too. And I wouldn't mind hanging out again, just as friends though."

I was so shocked my mind melted. I couldn't have guessed this outcome in a million years. After thinking about it and talking to a few people I have a pretty good reason why this happened. I think she was super attracted to me before and on the first date, and we ended up going back to her place, just the two of us and watching a movie on her couch and cuddling. The second date was the same thing, except we went to my place. The best reason I can think of is that she wanted to have sex both times when we were alone together, and the furthest I went was make out with her and cuddle. So while I thought I was progressing at a good and steady rate (lots of touching and we made out a couple different times on the second date), she wanted sex and I didn't deliver quick enough (and also didn't realize I had this opportunity). That's why before our first date she would text me back at the speed of light, and they got progressively slower, she was less interested when I didn't make the moves she wanted me to make. Well, I'm hurt right now, not going to lie. And I know why guys get friend-zoned, because they act needy, desperate, clingy, too nice, they don't project/act sexual around/with the girl, they go on boring dates, try to "buy her heart,"never make a move, ect... Stuff like that. I didn't act like that. I really did like this girl though..

[LailaK]

I'm sorry you had to deal with that level of crappiness.

If she wanted to jump in the sack with you right off that bat she was probably a ho anyway. You sound like a nice enough guy. Plenty of girls would love for a guy to take it slow and get to know them before trying to have sex. It shows that you're sincere and really into her. Don't change the way you act just because she was stupid.

[MVP]

I'm sorry you had to deal with that level of crappiness.

If she wanted to jump in the sack with you right off that bat she was probably a ho anyway. You sound like a nice enough guy. Plenty of girls would love for a guy to take it slow and get to know them before trying to have sex. It shows that you're sincere and really into her. Don't change the way you act just because she was stupid.

Well, what really confuses me is that she went for my friend, the guy who introduced us in the first place. I'll tell you why this is confusing. He did EVERYTHING that would get you friend-zoned. He works with her multiple times a week, has been hanging out with her just about every day since he met her (a little over a month) and didn't even kiss her until a few days ago, told me himself that he talked about her past relationships the first week he knew her (who knows what else), took her out for an expensive dinner on a date (first date) they went out on, ect... He told me this sh*t.

I'm going to tell you something that will probably make you think I'm not such a nice guy. On our first date she bought herself something to eat, I didn't pay for it. Second date I forgot to restock my wallet and she had to pay for minigolf (that didn't stop her from making out with me later, though). I still think that she wanted me for quick sex and I didn't deliver so she lost interest because of that. I mean, would you have a guy who you've only seen twice in person (don't know well) over to your place at 12-2 in the morning, just you two, if you didn't want to do something sexual with him? But at the same time I think that since she went for my friend, she could be a more conservative girl who thought I didn't really care about her and lost interest that way. Who knows.

The part that is sooooo confusing to me is that it really seems like I didn't escalate enough (move quick enough) on the first date when we were at her place, but then she goes for my friend who has been treating her like a buddy for over a month.

[kats86]

Texting is stupid and sends the wrong message...if you are still in the early stages of dating talk on the phone so no messages get misunderstood. And don't worry about all the stupid 'rules', if you like them don't wait around to call...do it!

If she went for your friend she's just playing games