the mistake

[eljusticiero67]

i am in total distress right now... i love my girlfriend so incredibly much, for over 3.5 years.. so much so that i never thought it would have come to this....

we are currently in a period where she needs some space to see if she wants to be in the relationship any longer. its so damned painful right now. especially since there is another guy involved....

for about a year or so I was feeling depressed because i had a job that i didnt like and i let it affect my relationship. it sapped the energy from me. the whole time she was very supportive but i did not put a ton of effort into the relationship, and it left me desiring sex less. though i loved her, and I let her know it all the time since I am an exceptionally affectionate person. what also made me lazy was that i always felt that there would be no way she would ever leave me and (i felt that) I knew that she wanted to marry me, and if she ever felt like something was wrong she would bring her concerns to me cause she's an honest and sweet girl.

in fact she did bring up her concerns saying that we were lacking passion, but she brought it up in a very subdued way and I always told her that i didnt think it was a problem because we knew we loved each other-- i guess i always had the idea we had love and "what more do you need."

so I totally admit that I messed things up terribly for a year. and i wish i could take things back. i really do.

because recently, after I moved to baltimore to start a grad program and she moved to philly for a grad program, she told me we needed to break it off. i was completely taken aback and asked her why, and she said that we had "mismatched energies." the thing is, because my job was affecting me so much, once i moved to baltimore things started picking up for me a lot. and i wanted to prove it to her, by bringing her out and meeting all my friends and showing her my life. but it never got to that. she told me she wanted to break things off only 4 weeks after we started attending our programs. She eventually stated that she wanted to take time off instead�

she says that she didnt feel like she missed me much when we were apart and that, when she met this guy (who she didnt hook up with yet) that she felt a strong connection and that it must have meant that there was something wrong with our relationship.

first i dont think being interested in another person meant anything. i told her in my program its a big ****ing joke that everyone flirts w each other even though everyone is taken. even i do that. second we lived with each other for over 2 years and after a couple months, even i felt kind of nice to be on my own after so long. i also dont think there was really so much of a problem of passion, as we had a beautiful weekend together shortly after we moved to our respective cities. and everyone i have spoken to has told me that everytime they saw us we looked like a new couple because we were always so into each other.

my take on it is that, aside from the mistake i made of that one year where i was depressed and did not put so much energy into the relationship (ie taking her out, writing her notes etc), our expression of love had become unremarkable and she didnt notice when these forms of expression occurred. for example, she said we never complemented each other anymore, but that is not true at all. I have a very peculiar way of complementing her and I know it was there, but she just doesn�t remember it because its from the same old guy that had been complementing her for 3.5 years. She didn�t remember that weekend we had together only three weeks ago where at one point she cried as we held each other in an emotional peak of love, and she didn�t remember all these very recent times that I specifically pointed out that we had together that were amazing.

she keeps on telling me that she is still in love with me. but its so confusing to think that shes in love with me but doesnt want to be with me.

everything tells me that this is such a terrible mistake. i acknowledge that i made the mistake at the beginning by having such a lack of energy, but i think she is throwing this relationship away. it can be fixed, but shes using superficial means of measurement to tell if were right for each other (ie "mismatch of energies" when my lack of energy was a fluke, "not complementing each other", "being interested in someone else means there is something wrong with our relationship", "doesn't miss me")

any help would be appreciated......

[Only-virgins]

That's not good. Sounds like it might be over. You really can't do much of anything other then give her that space.

"shes in love with me but doesnt want to be with me"

That doesn't make much sense does it?