New predicament with my ex girlfriend

[spiritofjosh]

After being broken up for 2 months now when we dated for 5 years things were going up and down. Her view on it was she was patiently waiting for me amongst other thing and to find a job so she can believe I actually want to make something of my life and so we can start saving for our future. She wasn't talking to other guys, hooking up with other guys etc, she said she only wanted me and was waiting for me but wanted me to get myself back together first, and she thinks I don't want to do that when I'm with her. Well it would be good between us then bad and last week I admitted that the summer of 2009 we went through another break up (I broke up with her that time) and I was briefly talking to another girl that I didn't tell her about until last week. She got really upset that I never told her and now I'm wondering if this is why things are weird. That night we talked and she still said she knows we'll be back together and she would tell me if there was someone else, but a week later I haven't talked to her since and she won't answer me. Last Sunday she changed her facebook status to "in a relationship" but she won't say who it is. She told my friend Natalie not to worry about it and people she sees all the time commented on it stuff like "what?" and "who?" If she does have a boyfriend I don't know where he came from out of nowhere and I don't know why she won't answer me and just tell me to help me move on. And now she put it so her relationship status is private so non friends can't see it, including me. I just want to know if she is just saying that so she's left alone or if she really has a boyfriend or if shes being so weird because she found out I dated somebody briefly? This all sounds immature but with relationships she is immature and gets upset very easily.

[MerryH]

I just want to know if she is just saying that so she's left alone or if she really has a boyfriend or if shes being so weird because she found out I dated somebody briefly? This all sounds immature but with relationships she is immature and gets upset very easily.

I don't know, it could be any of those, I guess. In any case, it sounds like you should move on because she either has a boyfriend or is just messing with your head. Actually, it sounds like she really enjoys messing with your head and jerking you around.

[spiritofjosh]

I agree it does seem like she's messing with my head. And I'm not waiting for it but it's one of those things that I need to have cleared before I can move on. If I found somebody else I'd still have the nagging question "Did she really have a boyfriend or not?" From the past though, she also dated somebody while we were broken up for 6 months and when I asked she had no problem telling me who her new boyfriend was so I don't know why now she's keeping it a secret. I even texted her and said "as adults, I'm not going to get mad or yell at you or anything, I just want to know who you're new boyfriend is so I can let myself move on," and she didn't reply.

[MerryH]

I even texted her and said "as adults, I'm not going to get mad or yell at you or anything, I just want to know who you're new boyfriend is so I can let myself move on," and she didn't reply.

Of course she didn't reply. She doesn't want you to move on, she wants you to be left in the dark to wonder if she really is or isn't. Don't play her game. Take her word for it that she has a boyfriend, wish her the best with him and then stop contacting her. I'd love to see her face. Delicious.

[spiritofjosh]

Shes a stubborn one, I told her just that I said "well whatever your reasoning for ignoring me then fine, best of luck with the new boyfriend and good luck with everything else." No response to that either. I guess we'll see where this goes.

[MerryH]

No, don't "see where this goes." You don't say "best of luck, goodbye" to get a reaction. You say it to end communication, to stop allowing someone else to brainf*ck you. Good job.

[spiritofjosh]

This is where it works opposite in most cases with me and her. I know her more than she'd like to admit, and she knows me and knows that if I say good luck see ya around then that sends her on a "what do I do?" type of deal. In a way this can be put into me playing the games now and if that's how it is, so be it. All in all, whatever she's doing I've done to her, so I'd be a hypocrite saying it isn't right. And moving on isn't really what I want because I spent 5 years with a girl I love. The way we've recently been describing each other is "two puzzle pieces that are meant to fit into each other" and I still feel the same, hopefully you see my point of it. All advice I take in respect, whether I agree or not. What she's doing is childish, no doubt about that. Whatever her reason, may it be that I recently told her I've been "talking" to another girl and this is her being immature and bitter, I don't see it enough of a reason to just move on like I'm just finding a new barber. She's never cheated on me and she's been there more than any of my closest friends and family members. Excluding whatever our current situation, we always have seen eye to eye and no matter what came we always got through with it.

It's just right now I don't know why she's being so immature all of a sudden because this is very unlike her and most people agree. And something I should mention and that I'm not really proud of...I know her email address used for facebook, so I can log in and see who has wrote her messages etc. I don't read them, I don't mind looking and seeing who has written her, but I won't actually read them. Anyway she hasn't had any messages from other men and she doesn't know I know her email so she didn't go on and delete them. This is significant to who her supposed "relationship" is with when no guys talk to her on there. She doesn't have myspace and she doesn't really go out much. This in a rather large nutshell is why I'm confused and having a hard time agreeing to just "move on."