Male or Female advice would be great :/

[Krispies]

My girlfriend just broke up with me a couple days ago. We've been together for 4 years, and it seemed really random. I know she has been scared about going to school in another state next year, but we had been discussing it, and both willing to work through it.

When we broke up, she kept saying how sorry she was, and that she was confused, and she didn't have an identity outside of our relationship. I went numb, and she left to go back home after breaking up with me.

That night she wrote me an email saying how sorry she was, and there's no way she could ever explain how much she loves me. I don't reply. Then the next day she writes me another email asking if I want to take our dog this weekend. (Losing the dog we raised together, but she paid for, has been equally as painful) I don't respond.

I'm at school the next day when she texts me and says that every time our dog does something cute, she wants to text me. I then say "What do you think that's doing to me"? to which she responded "Do you not want me to talk to you"? Then I said "If you don't want to be with me, then don't talk to me".

Later that night, I sent her text asking her if this is REALLY what she wants, or if she's just confused. She says that it's not what she wants, but she feels its the right thing, and she's hurting very badly. I told her I was scared that she was going to realize that this was a mistake and that she would come back when I was trying to get over her, and she said "If I realize this is a mistake, then I'll leave you alone forever".

Whether that would be healthy for me or not, it's left me feeling horrified. I do of course want her back because we've been together for 4 years, and she's my best friend. Now I have to imagine that she's not contacting me even if she wants me back.

I read a lot about the "no contact rule" where by having no contact whatsoever with her, it helps me to heal and move on, while building mystery with her on what I could be doing, and why I'm not contacting her, making her think about me, and really question her decision.

This is the second time we broke up. First time was for a similar reason, but she ended up coming back. When she said this time that she had to be alone for a while, she didn't do it properly the first time, and that she couldn't be more sorry for hurting me.

Does anyone have any advice about the no contact rule? I feel like it has to be bothering her that I'm not contacting her, but I also fear that I could be pushing her away. Everything in me wants to call or text her and try to convince her to come back, but I know that would probably push her away further.

Any advice you have on the topic would be great. Thank you

[flo_22]

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. of course it's bothering her, probably just as much as it is for you. She ended things with you so maybe she's had a little time to think about the idea of you not being around, but it sounds like she's realised that it will be harder than she first thought. She's the one initating contact, and she seems to make more effort to contact you when you don't reply, so I think that tells you everything.

From what you have said, I do think she is confused. It seems like the whole grass is greener syndrome, where she is wondering what else is out there for her, not necessarily romantically-speaking but maybe career-wise etc. Does she have single friends? I know people who are desperate to be in a relationship when they are single, yet crave singledom when in a relationship. I think it's more want what you can't have/don't have. She's spent 4 years with you, so there is no doubt in that she does love you, but maybe she has got too comfortable with you, to the point where she thinks she should be out having fun and being single. All the things that college life offers.

I think she seems torn between what she has and what she thinks she should be doing. Usually it would be the person who ended the relationship ignoring the calls and texts, not the other way round, so I think this is what you should continue doing. Let her realise what life is like without you. don't be her safety net or be so available to her; you can see how worried she gets when you don't reply already, as she contacts you more.

I agree though that you do need time apart after ending a relationship. It isn't fair that she is contacting you when you never wanted it to end. I think you are in a good position though because her contacting you sounds like she doesn't want you to leave her life. Tell her you need some time to get to grips with everything. That time apart might help you both discover what you really want, maybe suggest a date in the near future for you both to talk and come to some better agreement about what should happen.

it's not a nice situation to be in and to me, you are handling things well. I hope things work out the way you want, good luck.

[WICKED THOUGHTS]

I hate when a girl gets confused and dont really know what she wants And in the meantime.. she wants u to wait for her. Urghh ! Nway, u just hang on till u cant hang on no more. Then u go on ya.