really need your help, dont know what to do

[sarah24]

i really dont know what to do.

i just, i dont trust him.

a few months back i went onto his facebook account to chat to his nephew as him as a joke, and just had a sneaky peak at his emails on there, he'd sent a message to a lady at the local bank saying "sexy sexy sexy.." another message went to a girl who fancied him when they used to work together saying " there's one thing i'd like to do with you..." this got me really upset so i looked at his proper emails to put my mind at rest, that this was all he had done. turns out he'd joined a dating website last november and this january, the month of my birthday.

I confronted him, we had a big row and i nearly left, but stayed.

thing is i just dont trust him at all now. he also had a password on his phone, which he took off. but has since changed his facebook password (but not his email password).

if he's late home i'm thinking where is he, who is he with. I want to trust him but i just cant.

he says stuff to me that hurts, lies to me, but i love him.

i dont know what to do. maybe the trust will come back, there is no evidence that he has cheated on me, and there are so many more reasons for me to want to go. but i just. i love him

[WICKED THOUGHTS]

Well, either u look away and just let him have his fun as long he duznt do it for real. Or u tell him ur peace and tell him to end all his bs. To me? As long his not crossing dat line. its kk

[sparkle_jello]

I wouldn't stay in this relationship. His actions show that he wasn't content in his relationship, the fact that he may have stopped the behavior doesn't make the underlying problem go away.
To me, anything suggestive over the computer would be over the line. We're married, and have a child, there is no room for this behavior. I just don't see how people can find it acceptable to talk like that to others over the internet. If the couple has a 'deal' that's one thing, but if you have to keep secrets, that is a problem.
Oh, and a dating site takes it beyond flirting.

[ammi00]

*says it again* "Facebook is the devil".
Anyway... there's no point in continuing a relationship, if there's no trust... and I don't believe trust "can come back". Even if, let's say, you'll forgive him, and try to forget about what happened, you'll always remember it... you'll always have "trust" problems, and this will affect you in long term.
What he did is very shady. My 2 cents... putting and end to a torment is waaaay much better than an endless torment.

[sarah24]

thanks guys. turns out he emailed that girl again last month. said "lets meet up for a coffee......" he then gave her his number. and sent that lady at bank another message saying "lovely profile pic"

thing is sometimes we have such a lovely time together.

i dont want to hurt him.

am i being silly about all this?

[LoveYou]

"Facebook is the devil".

So true!!!


Yeah you are being silly Sarah24 about this. You shouldnt be with him at all, once a cheater always a cheater.
Leave him and get over the relationship, you will find someone who is much better and who will treat you right =)

[sparkle_jello]

thanks guys. turns out he emailed that girl again last month. said "lets meet up for a coffee......" he then gave her his number. and sent that lady at bank another message saying "lovely profile pic"

thing is sometimes we have such a lovely time together.

i dont want to hurt him.

am i being silly about all this?

YOU don't want to hurt HIM? He obviously doesn't care about hurting you. You are being silly by thinking that you owe him anything.

[sarah24]

he lies about money and smoking too.

thing is when he acts like my boyfriend he's lovely!! do you really think he'd hurt me like that?

[Boisdevie]

With my ex GF I also had some lovely times. But you can't ignore the shit stuff. Dump him and move on - he sounds like an arse

[sarah24]

so do you think if the opportunity arose he would cheat?

he might just be a big flirt

[VincenzoG91]

Asking someone out for coffee isn't just flirting. Stop making excuses for this guy. He is either a cheater or somebody who wants to cheat but hasn't had a willing partner yet.

[sparkle_jello]

so do you think if the opportunity arose he would cheat?

he might just be a big flirt

I would be surprised if he hasn't already cheated. He joined dating sites on more than one occasion.

[sarah24]

i dont know how to leave. i dont know if i can. when i think about it i think about our good times and how lovely it is

[sparkle_jello]

From your post I'm making some assumptions. First is that this is one of the only relationships you have. I assume this because you talk about all the good times. If you had been in other relationships you would realize that he isn't the only guy that is capable of giving you a good time. Are you afraid you wont find anyone else if you leave him? Second is that (and don't get offended) you are either young, or have low self esteem. I think this because young people like teenagers get flooded with hormones and emotions that sometimes they've never experienced before and a mate can almost be like and addiction, the later low self esteem because you are clearly unhappy right now, but are willing to put up with it because you obviously think without him you will be even more unhappy... possibly going back to number 1 you don't feel like you can do any better.
It is possible for guys to cheat once and reform, but this man is clearly a repeat offender. If his feelings for you were that strong he wouldn't be so careless with you.

[sarah24]

sparkle_jello I am 24 so yes i am young. i have very little confidence. I have been in other relationships.

I worry about upsetting him. i worry how he will cope. i know it sounds stupid but i cant help it.