Says She's Scared...

[Neomic]

I have been seeing this girl for over a year now, and things have never really been "official." I'm 21, she's 19. Both of us have fallen head over heels for each other. We care about each other... A lot. Every time we see each other, sparks fly, the butterflies go crazy, the works. She's even admitted she loves me, and that I am her first true love. I feel the exact same way as she is truly mine also.

Her and I have become best friends. I'm usually the first one she calls when she's having problems or feeling down. Likewise, she's usually the one I turn to in my times of need. We've kissed a few times, but because she's a Christian, we haven't been too far past that. Just me looking into her eyes makes her blush like crazy, and just getting a phone call or a text from her can completely turn my day around.

She's told me about some things that have happened in her past, about how guys have used her, abused her, etc. On top of that, she's somewhat insecure. The times that we have talked about taking the next step, and making things official, she usually starts going off on all the things that scare her; Things like college coming up for her, and she's scared she won't have time for me. How if we do begin dating, it could ruin our friendship. Then she throws the "we should just be friends" line... Problem is, she doesn't treat me as just a friend. Even after so, she continues to act as if she's in love with me. Still sends me cute pictures, tells me songs to look up that remind her of me or us. We call each other every night, and she falls asleep on the phone with me (she says my voice relaxes her). Still wants to hold my hand when we're together. Last time I seen her, I was texting her saying things I didn't wanna say out loud, and I noticed she even had a heart next to my name in her contacts.

So at this point, I'm kind of lost on what to do. I'm trying to be as patient as possible. She even asks from time to time if I'm talking to other girls, which of course I am not. Is this something that maybe she will get over with time? Should I just be patient, and just continue what I've been doing all along? Is there anything I can do to help her? I'm truly in love with this girl, and I feel like I'm stuck. I know if I push too hard I'll only push her away. Can anyone please offer some advice?

[WICKED THOUGHTS]

Well, id wait if im in love with the person. I mean.. u cant do nothing but wait ya? Shes givin u all d signs that u and her belong together.. so, let her be and let her find what she wants. gluck

[Only-virgins]

"How if we do begin dating, it could ruin our friendship"

This again from others? really? If she wants to be just friends then show her the side of friendship. No more hand holding, no more cute texts, phone calls, or kissing. Let her miss the things she is taking from you that you should give only to someone who is your relationship partner. Why would she want to move things to the next level? She is getting all the things women want anyway. you are are giving way to much emotional support to a friend. Don't fall for this. The fact that she already told you that she loves you put the friendship at jeopardy. really weird if you ask me.

"She's told me about some things that have happened in her past, about how guys have used her, abused her"

Yea sure, that's her Christian side right? Allowing guys to do whatever they want with her EXCEPT for the guy she claims really matters.

[Neomic]

"How if we do begin dating, it could ruin our friendship"

This again from others? really? If she wants to be just friends then show her the side of friendship. No more hand holding, no more cute texts, phone calls, or kissing. Let her miss the things she is taking from you that you should give only to someone who is your relationship partner. Why would she want to move things to the next level? She is getting all the things women want anyway. you are are giving way to much emotional support to a friend. Don't fall for this. The fact that she already told you that she loves you put the friendship at jeopardy. really weird if you ask me.

"She's told me about some things that have happened in her past, about how guys have used her, abused her"

Yea sure, that's her Christian side right? Allowing guys to do whatever they want with her EXCEPT for the guy she claims really matters.

It was physical abuse (slapped, punched), and she's never given me any reason to doubt her. As for her sexual past, she's admitted to having sex with one guy when she was 17 (which from what a few of her friends have told me is the truth). As for me, I've never asked to go further than we have out of respect. We've talked about having sex a few times, but it's never really lead anywhere. I'm okay with that.

[Only-virgins]

Then what is the "next" level? You pretty much are as far as you can get sex excluded. You want her to vocally confirm it to you? Give you reason to doubt what? I never said anything about doubting anything. Just that you are giving to much emotional effort and support to someone who refuses to admit that they are in a relationship with you...even though she is doing everything that a person who is in one should be doing (minus the sex as you said). Think about it.

[Neomic]

I think at 17, it was more of her being naive than anything. It's not a big deal to me anyways; She could have been with 5 or even a virgin and it really wouldn't have mattered to me. Might've changed the dynamics we have a little bit, but I'm not in love with her for what's between her legs.

Then what is the "next" level? You pretty much are as far as you can get sex excluded. You want her to vocally confirm it to you? Give you reason to doubt what? I never said anything about doubting anything. Just that you are giving to much emotional effort and support to someone who refuses to admit that they are in a relationship with you...even though she is doing everything that a person who is in one should be doing (minus the sex as you said). Think about it.

And yes, I do agree with you in a way. That's exactly why I'm here though asking; To hear some insight on what I could do to help the situation, and I appreciate your input. I wanna hear what others think as well too, if they agree with what you're saying or if they have other advice.

[Only-virgins]

I'm not really speaking about the sex. The comment I got rid of was in haste and a general statement. Take everything else I said into consideration and maybe as you say others here can be more of help to you. To me it seems like she likes how you make her feel emotionally but doesn't want to call it a relationship for whatever reason. Good luck but imo just don't be a boyfriend to someone who wants a friend.

[Agape]

She's told me about some things that have happened in her past, about how guys have used her, abused her, etc. On top of that, she's somewhat insecure. The times that we have talked about taking the next step, and making things official, she usually starts going off on all the things that scare her; 1) Things like college coming up for her, and she's scared she won't have time for me. 2) How if we do begin dating, it could ruin our friendship. Then she throws the "we should just be friends" line... 3) Problem is, she doesn't treat me as just a friend. Even after so, she continues to act as if she's in love with me. Still sends me cute pictures, tells me songs to look up that remind her of me or us. We call each other every night, and she falls asleep on the phone with me (she says my voice relaxes her). Still wants to hold my hand when we're together. Last time I seen her, I was texting her saying things I didn't wanna say out loud, and I noticed she even had a heart next to my name in her contacts.

1) talking about how things won't work in college might be her being realistic
2) If she wanted a relationship then she wouldn't throw this "let's be friends" line
3) So she says 'wants to be friends' but she acts 'like more than friends' . . . it's just confusing if you ask me and she doesn't know what she wants.

Judging by her actions then I'd say she wants to continue on the with the 'relationship' so I'd just continue what you're doing now but don't limit yourself to this one girl who isn't sure about you. . . .remember you're not even "official"