Im going insane..

[fosters21]

Here it goes.... Im 23/M and my partner is 29/F weve been living together for about a year now although weve been together for 2 years, she has a 4 year old son and we all get along just fine.

The first year of our relationship was very rocky. I had come out of a relationship of 5 years a year before we met and she was currently in a 5 year relationship when we met....She is from London and has no family except a cousin who lives abroad a dad in Ireland and a grandma in London. She met her Ex while on holiday to get over her mums death, she eventually moved in with him and had a child....

We started dating in february and i understood that the process of her moving out of her ex's was a nightmare, they did not love each other no more but as soon as he knew i was interested in her he would make her have sex with him. In july she managed to move out into her own house, it took so long as she had no money what so ever!...

My ex left me for another guy that she worked with but i eventually got over it and i was happy with my new woman in my life. My ex realised the grass wasnt greener and she was devastated when i moved on. She started causing problems, little things like ringing my phone at 2am on a Sat Night and emailing me....My partner is very insecure and we had arguements and we split for a week in October last year....She gave the "I cant be doing with this in my life its not good for me or the child line"...

I felt hard done by and i hated my Ex for stopping me from moving on and being happy!... during that week my ex texted me saying i had a bit of stuff still at her house could i come and collect it... stupid me!... i met her outside and we started talking for a good hour or two.. she was telling me how she wished things were different bla bla bla...i wished her well and i felt i had drawn a line! i didnt want anything to do with her although while i was hurting i gave her a chance to speak......

Anyway i managed to get back with my partner and we have never looked back.. we have been happy until a month ago my former friend texted me saying "your ex came round mine the other day, is it true that when you met her last year you both kissed etc..".... i convinced my partner that it never happened but she felt betrayed that i went behind her back and met my ex girlfriend to collect my stuff...

During our relationship trust and insecurity as occasionally come into mind, my partner made me email my ex and ask her why she is telling my friend a bunch of lies about kissing etc..she emailed back saying we met that night and we both know what happened that night, that she wouldnt lie and she has emails and texts from last year to back it up......

Ok we both were talking during that week about our relationship but it was more me listening to her as i did not want her back! and i thought talking would draw a line...the kissing never happened but i feel like these emails would crush my partners heart, she has kicked me out, she has gone to Ireland for the weekend to see her dad she hardly see's which was already planned but i feel like my Ex has made my bed last year and now im being made to lie in it...

This past year ive deleted her off facebook ive changed my number and i washed my hands off her a year ago completely, i feel as though because i have nothing to do with her nowadays..she is trying to stop me from being happy and this is the only thing she can come up with... im hurt, it hurts me to see my partner hurt, i love her to bits and i just want to be happy like we have been, what can i do??????? ive told my partner that the past is the past and that if she wanted to make a meal of it then while she was in that house with her ex she was sleepin with him when we were dating... it feels like one rule for one, one for another, i just want to look forward not backwards and its killing me!

[Agape]

Is the relationships based on mutual respect and trust? If there is no proof of anything and she can't take your word on things then you need to work on those 2 things.

As for the ex's . . . if they are toxic and not beneficial then cut them from your life and block them out. . . take it as a learning experience, don't recoil and don't go back to them - if you need something get a 3rd party to do it.

[fosters21]

Thanks for your reply, we do have mutual respect for each other but i agree trust needs to be worked on, shes always got that thought in her head that with me being 23 and her 30 that one day im going to get fed up and leave her. Ive not spoken to my ex for about a year, its like she cannot let go. I understand my partner is upset but she has to realise that this was a year ago, we were all set for going on a last minute holiday together next month, going to my mums for christmas. things were going really well. why cant she just look forward and not back! grrr!...she gets back from Ireland tomorrow and she wants me to get my stuff. I guess i should get my stuff and give her time..