I could really use a female perspective with this...

[mystery_man]

I will make this short and sweet, or do my best not to confuse anyone.
Here is my story:

The school year started about a month ago. I am in a computing program, Engineering to be exact, and there is but one attractive lady in my class. We started hitting it off really well. She would laugh at nearly everything I said, shoot occasional looks my way (by the way, we almost always sit close, if not next to each other), she would let me listen to the music on her iPod (without me asking for it first), and just flirt...that is until recently.
My buddy suggested that the two of us would look cute together, so I started thinking about it, but my problem is that I took my sweet *** time to muster up the courage to finally ask her out. I did it last monday, asked her out to lunch, but a couple of other guys in my class decided to stick around with us and didn't let us have any time to ourselves. Now, I should have just lead the way and took her off school property for lunch as I had intended to, but I didn't want to be rude, so I just stayed with everyone. Ever since then things kind of changed...I'm starting to think she lost respect for me because I did not escalate, or attempt to swoop her out of there.
Well, anyway...just 2 days ago, I decided to ask her out again, but this time for a movie. I was shooting for Thursday night, but she said she has to work, and then I asked her if she would be available next weekend. She said maybe, and that she is pretty busy, at which I teased her, saying "come on, you can't be busy 24/7" and she laughed and said "you're right, I am not". She said she will know by the end of this weekend if she will be available sometime next week, to which I told her that I will call her on Sunday, or Monday to confirm.

Now, my question is:

What does this "maybe" of her's really mean?

To be honest I think I am kind of starting to fall for this girl, but I am fighting very hard to keep my feelings at bay, just in case she denies me. Also, she is coming off a pretty nasty break-up (her ex basically played with her feelings) from a 3 year relationship. I am contemplating on just waiting till our class on Tuesday to talk to her about it, but since I promised I would call, I probably should do it. How should I go about this? I would also like her to know that I am willing to wait for her to come around, and if she needs time and space to adjust that I would be MORE THAN WILLING to oblige with her request.
Also, I just want to get to know her as a person a little better for now. I have commitment issues myself, and I can see that she does too, based on this nasty experience of hers. From what I see there right now, I can safely say that I already like quite a few things about her. Last thing I want is to lose this chance right now, so I need advice.

Thanks, Ladies!

[mystery_man]

Any thoughts? I texted her earlier tonight wishing her a happy Thanksgiving, and she txted me back about 20 minutes later thanking me for being the only one to do so today. I don't think that means much, but she does forget to txt me back more than 50% of the time.

[misombra]

she's not into you anymore. you waited too long i think. you drifted off into the friend zone.

my advise would be to act like you are no longer interested in her and put a halt on pursuing her for now.

[mystery_man]

Ok...if that is the case, is there any way I can win her affection back? I was thinking of giving it one more shot, if she says no tomorrow, but before I do I will kind of start to cut her off, and when she starts missing my company, then I can try to do it again. What about that? Is there actually a way out of the Friend Zone?

[misombra]

yes. you can leave her alone for a while. act like you're no longer interested.

[mystery_man]

How about just laying it all on the line? After all I barely know this girl, the only thing that I could fear is awkwardness for the next two years in school, since I will have to see her every day. I know she was interested in me, so would it be a good thing if I told her where I stand? That way I have absolutely nothing to hide, and I can even tell her I will leave her alone and give her space to think about it if she needs to. If she decides not to go for it, whatever, there's more fish in the sea. My only mistake was getting kind of attached a little too soon. But I'm at that point where I really don't care anymore. I will talk to her over the phone tomorrow (since it is a holiday, there will be no class), and find out if she wants to go out or not. The fact that she said maybe...well, like Jack Johnson put it ever so delicately, a maybe almost always means "no".
So, I could either take the high road and tell her, or I could just ignore her and make her chase me instead. Which is better?

[MerryH]

I was shooting for Thursday night, but she said she has to work, and then I asked her if she would be available next weekend. She said maybe, and that she is pretty busy,

Eh, this is as good as "no." If she really wanted to go out, she would have named a day that she could do it. Call her up on Monday, since you said you would, but if she says she can't, then leave it alone. Don't tell her you're MORE THAN WILLING to wait for her, don't lay it all on the line. This won't gain you any respect, and you shouldn't wait for someone who isn't into you, anyway.

[mystery_man]

I just feel like a jackass because I let her lead me on, and string me for along for the past couple of weeks. I've never felt sillier in my whole entire life.

[MerryH]

Don't beat yourself up over it. You liked a girl and you asked her out. How does that make you a jackass?

And don't get mad at HER for leading you on, as if she's some kind of manipulative bitch. She flirted with you for a while, and even tried going on a date with you. She may or may not agree to go on a second one. She didn't do anything wrong.

[mystery_man]

I'm not mad at her. I won't hold anything against her, that's just not how my mind works. I do not hold grudges. I'm going to call her in a couple of hours to find out if she wants to go or not. I'll tone it down though. I made myself too eager to help her when she needed it (with schoolwork), and I also made myself a little too available to her, so I'm just going to take a few steps back and become a little less available. We'll see what happens then. My best friend said that if she shoots me down, I should go out with one of his old college friends, so I will give that a shot. Keeping myself busy with other ladies might work in my favor with this girl, and at this point I am willing to try anything.

[misombra]

I think there's still hope as long as you leave her alone and quit pursuing her and putting it all on the line.

[Agape]

I think you know what your problem was . . .you waited too long

Maybe try again in a little while . . . if it doesn't work, move on

[mystery_man]

Exactly...I did wait too long! I'm very shy by nature though, but it's time for a change. I can't stand being this way anymore.

[Poetic_Partner]

IMHO, neither of you really screwede up here. She vwas likely a bit interested, but you were more cautious with your heart. Sure, you can ask "what if she had been more interested and waited" or "what if I had been more bold", but both of you behaved perfectly normally and rationally.

As for her response, that's a polite "no". From here, just be polite and friendly with her - you know, treat her like a friend. There are sometimes second chances in matters of the heart, and there are always second chances for friends.

-PP

[mystery_man]

I just called her, and just as one of my friends predicted, she did not pick up. Now, I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt, since she might be doing her volunteer job right now, so I will call back again around 8:30-9:00 tonight. If there's no answer then, it's time to move on. I am talking to my friend right now, and he is setting up a date for me with the other girl as we speak.