Long Relationship Question ):

[jessmist]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two months. We met online and talked for about a month before we met in person. He lives three hours away, but we both go to college right here where I live. He had already been attending the college and is graduating in December, whereas I am a freshman. Two months may be a short time, but I feel very much in love with him.

About a month ago when we first started getting physical is when I first felt that I was falling in love with him, but I did not tell him because I thought it was too soon and he probably did not feel the same for me yet, but one night we were being very close and it slipped out in the heat of the moment, “Do you love me?”

He went on a lengthy speech and basically said, “No, love means something very special to me, I care about you very deeply, but I cannot say that I love you.” This was fine, I mostly expected this and felt stupid more than anything else so this passed and there were no awkward feelings.

About a week ago though, I brought it up again. My feelings had only been getting stronger and I was getting scared of December. When he graduates, he will apply for jobs here, where he lives, and in another state where he has a few family members, which is ten hours away. It hurts me to think that he could accept a job in this ten-hour-away state where he realizes that he will never see me. Even if he accepted a job in his hometown that is three hours away, we would rarely see each other. So about a week ago, I told him how I felt. I told him I loved him and all of my fears.

This was not taken well and he basically said to my face that if he was only offered a job in the ten-hour-away state, he would take it even though he knows he would never see me. I was hurt and fled the scene in tears.

We talked about it the day after and he apologized for harsh words and admitted that he loved me in return. We have not spoken of December again, and he has not told me he loves me a second time, though neither have I told him. I feel like a child’s abused toy. Even if the owner may love the toy, he is unknowingly rough with it. I feel like he doesn’t care that I’m scared of him leaving. It would break my heart. Does he expect us to go on being together while I am here for another 3 years at the university and he is ten hours away?

[MerryH]

I don't know the answers to your questions, but you should try being supportive of his choices. Do you really think it would be best for HIM to not accept a job just to stay with you?

[damselindistres]

even I am a woman, i would choose my career before a love relationship, look, he is young and ambitious, which is what makes him attractive. I don't see anythong wrong if he chose to accept the job especially if this is the only job he can landed, look, face it, no job means no financial means, love definitely cannot survive without financial security.

[teel]

...I would say to the above posters that he's a college grad, I doubt he would have so much trouble finding a job closer. We're not talking about an once in a lifetime opportunity in the 10 hour distance town, we're talking about him taking basically any job, one that he could find soon in the girl's town too. Even that I am a man, if a woman would put her carrier in such way above me, my love for her would start to cool down.