My boyfriend is a bully

[Konart]

Hey guys. I need your help. My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost a year now, and I'm not happy. He and I are from opposite sides of the country and grew up completely different. I was more of the "had a curfew until I was 21" kind of girl and very sheltered, whereas he was the non-curfew, hangout with friends, party, popular kind of guy. He's seen a lot more in this world than I ever have... that's for sure. I'm extremely patient, easy-going and very positive. It's very hard for me to feel frustrated and I don't let little things bother me. He's extremely inpatient, let's every little thing bother him, and he has to have an opinion about EVERYTHING. He's a little controlling as well, and he doesn't see it. 5 days ago we almost broke up because he was pissed that I turn on the bathroom vent while I shower (which takes 7 minutes) and says it uses up electricity so I'm wasting it. Whereas he plays call of duty almost 7 hours a day (sometimes even more) and has the nerve to tell me "That's different. That's entertainment for me, so I'm not wasting electricity." What the hell?

I can't speak to the boy about my feelings because whenever I do, he gets mad. I've tried every approach from talking calmly and rationally (which is what I did the first 3 months of our relationship because that's all I'm used to), to sternly, and to blowing up at him. He has no problems blowing up at me every time we get into an argument. He has one of the shortest fuses I've ever seen in a man. Everything has to be his way. He's very selfish, too. Even in bed. A month ago, my grandpa died and I told him while he was playing a game of MW2. He said sorry, that's awful, but didn't stop playing his game. So I just went back in my room to cry and call my best friend. Man, there are good things in our relationship but I always go to bed feeling like shit because I try so hard with this guy, but he truly reminds me of an asshole. Nothings good enough for him, so I'm constantly walking on eggshells.

So... guys. How would you talk to someone who is very smart and knows how to defend himself and has an extremely short fuse? Please realize, I'm one of the types that freezes up when I don't feel comfortable in a situation or fight, so it's hard for me to say the right things and let out my thoughts because I'm filled with anger or overwhelmed. I need all the help I can get because if this gets nowhere after I talk to him, I'm done. And that's hard for me to say, but I will not stand for it.

[Spoonandfork]

meh, you're still with him so it can't be too bad

[Only-virgins]

You are an idiot.

He sounds perfect for you. If you put up with this kind of behavior you deserve everything you get. Enjoy. I'm sure it won't be long before he punches you in the face cause you touched his xbox controller but that is ok because you love him right? I can't believe you have been with him for a year, you must have no self-esteem at all.

He is not smart at all. He is just smarter compared to you. Which in my opinion honestly isn't saying much.

He also should remind you of an asshole because he is one.

[vashti]

Damn, you guys are jackasses.

Konart - your guy is very controlling, which often leads to flat-out abuse. Can't you imagine yourself in a relationship with someone who isn't this way? You aren't going to be able to change him. You will need to ultimately accept his boorish behavior, or move on.

[Only-virgins]

Damn, you guys are jackasses.

No, what we are is right.

[vashti]

Yeah, but you have no finesse.

[Only-virgins]

Yeah, but you have no finesse.

I'm supposed to use some kind of refinement and craftsmanship behind telling her the truth? She doesn't deserve the effort. I'm chucking this idiot under the "Idiot bitches date idiot douche bags for no reason" category and splitting out of this thread for good. Maybe her father had this behavior and it is normal, who cares really. This isn't pityforums.net. This is love forums and that guy doesn't love his girl and the girl is to stupid to realize it, that guy wants to f*ck his xbox. So what kind of advice do you want me to give?

[Agape]

Firstly the title is an a mistake . . . A boyfriend IS NOT a bully . . . A bully IS NOT a boyfriend.

End of story. . . leave him and move on.

[VincenzoG91]

Opposites attract, like hammer and anvil.

[Nimrod44]

GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's all the advice I have for you unless you want a life of abuse.

[WICKED THOUGHTS]

Listen, no matter what u wanna say in your head? Your not gnna do it cuz u said u freeze up. Your ass needs to write him a letter and tell him everybit on how u feel. Then take off if nothing chang

[doppelgaenger]

Why wasn't I invited to the pity party?

[girl68]

You said it all with "I am not happy". So, leave.

[Roymax]

Okay, let me break this down analytically. Here's what I see based on what you've described earlier.




What I look for in a guy...he must be the following:

- I'm not happy,


- He's extremely inpatient,


- let's every little thing bother him


- he has to have an opinion about EVERYTHING.


- He's a little controlling as well, and he doesn't see it.


- I can't speak to the boy about my feelings


- he gets mad.


- Everything has to be his way


- He's very selfish, too. Even in bed.


- Nothings good enough for him, so I'm constantly walking on eggshells.

^^ Now here's the obvious question. Are those the kind of qualities you want to continue to hang on to??

So... guys. How would you talk to someone who is very smart and knows how to defend himself and has an extremely short fuse? Please realize, I'm one of the types that freezes up when I don't feel comfortable in a situation or fight, so it's hard for me to say the right things and let out my thoughts because I'm filled with anger or overwhelmed. I need all the help I can get because if this gets nowhere after I talk to him, I'm done. And that's hard for me to say, but I will not stand for it.

So how would you talk to him you ask? You can't if he won't listen. Don't fool yourself for the idea of trying to change someone who doesn't want to change his behavior. If he doesn't and you continue to put up with it you're only hurting yourself.

[Konart]

Thanks to everyone, including the ones who sounded like jerks. My bf was my good friend before we started dating. He was a different person. Kind, calm, listened, funny, and respectable. Then... when we started going out, things drastically changed. I'm used to dating the nice guys (the only ones I used to date until now) so I knew he was an asshole once I started to see his behavior. I'm only human and had to learn that you can't change anyone for the better, they have to be willing to for themselves. And you shouldn't have to change someone you're in love with.