Large age difference.

**Edward19** · 13-10-10, 03:58 AM

Hello everyone.

I'm a guy, and I've been seeing someone for 15 months now. Shes everything I've ever wanted, perfect in just about every way. However, she recently revealed to me that shes 13 years older then me. I'm 22, she is 35. She said that she never told me because she never thought we would end up having a serious relationship, and she continued to keep it from me because she didn't know how to tell me. I have decided that her age doesnt matter to me and I love her and I still want to be with her. However, she insists it cannot go on longer, because our age difference is too great and it can not work, due to family/friends/society not approving of us and treating us with heavy criticism. I responded that I really dont care what others think, our families will eventually approve, but she insists it can not and will not work. She says she still loves me and its very hard for her, but better for us to suffer lesser hurt now then later. How do I make her see what I'm saying? I love her and dont want to lose her. She says her mind his made up, and she's tried for the past 10 months to think of a way she'd make it work, but she hasn't come up with one. Am I wrong in thinking that a 13 year age difference is not that huge of a deal?

PS- Yes, before I knew her age I thought she might be the one id spend my life with, and after I know her age I still think the same.

Thanks in advance.

**sparkle_jello** · 13-10-10, 04:07 AM

This is just a bad situation. I mean, she kept this for you from 15 months? Holy crap, I can barely keep anything from my husband for 15 seconds.
I don't think she's malicious to hide this, but you do have to realize that eventually the age difference will come into play. When you are 30, she will be 43, when you are 40 she will be 53. Are you going to be okay with the whole aging process? Do you realize she may not be able to have children at 35, and risks for pregnancy goes up.
It can work, but you can't think about the now, you must think about the future. What do you want in life?

**Edward19** · 13-10-10, 04:13 AM

I know what I want in life, and its her. Her mind and heart fit mine perfectly, and she will be beautiful to me well into her 100s.
I've told her this. She is still skeptical.

**sparkle_jello** · 13-10-10, 04:16 AM

I have no doubt of your intentions, but I can completely understand why she feels skeptical. Just look at what is going on with Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Oh, and Courtney Cox and David Arquette. These are beautiful women and their marriages are in crisis, possibly due to the age difference (we really don't know but it's on a lot of people's mind).

**all alone** · 13-10-10, 04:55 AM

Originally Posted by sparkle_jello

Do you realize she may not be able to have children at 35, and risks for pregnancy goes up.
It can work, but you can't think about the now, you must think about the future. What do you want in life?

I got to stress this as well.. I mean there is NO room for error here.. if act selfishly and stay with her, and she wants a kid, her clock is ticking.. you would just be robbing her of time she could be out finding someone more appropriate who is ready to settle down as well. This isn't just one of those 'love conquers all' time moments, this is a big time DEAL BREAKER..

**MerryH** · 13-10-10, 05:04 AM

How old did you think she was before?

**Edward19** · 13-10-10, 05:06 AM

if I had to guess, i would have thought around 27-30.

**sparkle_jello** · 13-10-10, 05:08 AM

You never asked? Really?

**Edward19** · 13-10-10, 05:13 AM

i did, but she didnt tell me.

**MerryH** · 13-10-10, 05:22 AM

Originally Posted by Edward19

i did, but she didnt tell me.

Hm. Well, how does this effect your trust in her? She kept something from you that SHE felt was really important all this time. She knew from the beginning that a relationship with you wouldn't last, but she still chose to let it go on. That doesn't bother you at all?

**Edward19** · 13-10-10, 05:42 AM

It doesn't much. I understand why she withheld the information from me at first.

**Agape** · 13-10-10, 07:19 AM

15 months and the age never came up? . . . I can understand waiting but that's OVER A YEAR!

So you want to continue and she doesn't. . . I don't know, you seem to think it's going well so that's probably good

Expand on this "She says her mind his made up, and she's tried for the past 10 months to think of a way she'd make it work, but she hasn't come up with one." . . . does she want to end it?

**xxazurexx** · 13-10-10, 07:45 AM

Yikes. When you are 47, she will be 60.

**doppelgaenger** · 13-10-10, 07:53 AM

Originally Posted by MerryH

Hm. Well, how does this effect your trust in her? She kept something from you that SHE felt was really important all this time. She knew from the beginning that a relationship with you wouldn't last, but she still chose to let it go on. That doesn't bother you at all?

Originally Posted by Edward19

It doesn't much. I understand why she withheld the information from me at first.

I think you need to give this another thought, because your trust in her SHOULD be affected by that. Okay, when you first start dating someone, if there is an age difference or something that might have a strong effect on a first impression, it's understandable to conceal those facts temporarily. Don't you think she should have told you when you asked? It wouldn't concern me if a person thought that age didn't matter, but clearly this is something that really bothers her, and she knowingly manipulated you into thinking she was younger for her own personal gain. It sounds to me like she lied to you in order to have a nostalgic, youthful boyfriend, while she denied the age difference to fulfill her own desires. Now she's come to terms with herself and decided to reveal the truth to you for whatever reason. Her behavior is an indefinite red flag that signifies her dishonesty. It's likely that she is hiding other information from you or that she would continue to be deceitful to you any time she feels that sharing something with you could jeopardize her happiness or well being, which is pretty irresponsible, in my opinion.

On a second thought, you're my age, man! What are you doing dating an old bag like that?! Yeah, you're going to get a lot of criticism from your peers for dating grandma. You know that in the back of your mind you're totally not cool with this age difference and you'll deny that through and through. I've dated older women, but never 13 years older than me! I was in a relationship for two years, where there was an age difference of 6 years. Lemme tell you, I got so sick of her attitude a year into things - she turned out to be very condescending, thinking that she was always right since she was older than me. I got fed up with some of her habits (I changed some of my habits for her) and she always gave me the crappy excuse, "I'm too old to change, this behavior is a part of me." I swear, the same things will start happening to you.

I think you should take your gf's doubtful thoughts into consideration. It's likely it won't work out for either of you. In fact, that's inevitable.

**xxazurexx** · 13-10-10, 08:08 AM

On a second thought, you're my age, man! What are you doing dating an old bag like that?! Yeah, you're going to get a lot of criticism from your peers for dating grandma.

Bit harsh wasn't it, lol. Women can still look decent at that age and youth doesn't equal beauty. Some women in their 30's, put women in their 20's to shame. People are either born and blessed with good looks, or they are not. Age has nothing to do with it.

I'm wondering why a woman of her age would want him. He's a 'boy' IMO and I prefer MEN....and I'm early 30's.

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