Opening up to the girl I really like... :(

[Senbonzakura]

Opening up to the girl I like... ?
So I became friends with this girl at college who is doing the same course as me. She's funny, flirtatious, and quite wild (likes going out, partying, getting drunk and high) but she's kind and elegant at the same time. A very interesting mix.

But I have feelings for her, and have done from the moment I met her. She calls and texts often, sometimes asking me out for drinks and coffee, even at midnight on two occassions! She touches a lot and plays with my hair at times, and opens up about her previous relationships and according to our mutual friends I'm her 'go to guy' (I guess in the sense of if she needs comforting, advice, or just wants someone to be with and spend time with).

But a very close aunt passed away on saturday and I had no time to prepare, it was such a shock and I am devastated and heartbroken. But I'm the type to hold my pride and feelings inside. She sensed I was 'sad' about something during drinks but I kept brushing it off saying I was fine. She kept trying to make me feel better and saying "I don't want you to be sad " , if you want to tell me whatever it is, you can call me anytime.

I've known her less than a month but are quite close already, but I don't want to come across as a needy child or vulnerable little boy.. because she found it really surprising to see me not in my usual happy, easygoing and confident mood.

So first question:
1. Does she possibly have any interest in me at all

2. Should I be honest with her and tell her about my aunt's passing? I want to be honest but I don't want to cement myself inside the friends zone as a vulnerable brother.

Any advice would be appreciated

Thanks

[Agape]

You could just say it's a personal family thing and say you don't want to talk about it . . . either way, she does care.

[Senbonzakura]

Thanks

I am curious if she is interested in me too, when we were with a friend she jokingly said she added me on facebook and that ' i should feel privileged because she doesn't usually add people'.

[Spoonandfork]

1. Does she possibly have any interest in me at all

what do you think? I could give you all the answers but you will never learn how to read girls on your own

2. Should I be honest with her and tell her about my aunt's passing? I want to be honest but I don't want to cement myself inside the friends zone as a vulnerable brother.

honesty/trust is integral to any relationship. You shouldn't have to lie or hide something from your partner for fear that they will judge you. This girl was perceptive enough to sense something was wrong with you and offered to help which shows she cares. I don't know about you but she sounds like the kind of person I want to surround myself with. You don't have to apologize but definitely let her know the reason why you weren't in your usual mood. Even if she's not interested in you romantically, she could become a really good friend

[Senbonzakura]

So she always seems to want to spend more time with me. I was just chilling by myself outside reading and she suddenly comes up to me and we end up chatting/giggling/hitting eachother for an hour or so. I end up getting invited to a 'grocery shopping date' to which she insists I come in the evening.

Well, come meeting time, I decide to test her reaction and pretend I have to flake out at the last minute saying sorry I can't. She instantly goes into mini-defense mode and says: "heeey uh-ah noo you ain't ditching out! " Kinda giggling and going on convincing/defensive mode. Of course, I say was joking and we proceed.

Before she's invited me out to get a drink with her on two occasions at midnight, maybe just as friends getting to know eachother better (for the time being, as it's still less than month since we've known eachother).

At the same time, she said she added me on facebook and that I should feel 'priviliged' as she almost never adds people whilst we were in the presence of another younger friend. So she brings her FB adding up again during inviting me to go grocery shopping. Saying "hey you still havent confirmed me... .. you're doing this on purpose aren't you?" .. to which I respond "hmm... i dont know! maybe?" Of course we're always laughing and giggling at whatever eachother has to say. She isn't afraid to make little jokes like saying she's already been Facebook stalking me since I apparently had an open profile; and she's not shy to hold arms whilst drunk or make any other physical contact.

The only thing I personally see as a negative is that she's opened up about her ex boyfriends who were a bit insane, such as alcoholism, lying about taking drugs, and general bad boy irresponsibility. She's a free spirit who says being single is still happy times for her.


So I guess sooner or later the ball isn't going to keep bouncing out of my court automatically. I've got to be less subtle and a little more obvious about my true feelings as we get more and more comfortable with eachother. Because getting stuck in the friends zone would be awful.

So any advice guys? I don't want to be putting in the effort and putting my feelings on the line every time we meet if she's not interested. If she is, then I'll be all the happier and hope things work out! I just would like some advice and opinions from others

Thanks!

[Senbonzakura]

Anyone?

[VincenzoG91]

This is what alcohol is for. She is giving you all kinds of encouraging signals, so now you just need to do something bold, like kiss her. So next time you're drinking with her, go for it. Ideally, after your first drink or two, when your inhibitions are dropping but you're still in control of yourself.

[lalarose]

Hii cute story haha well i think that girl is interested because i wouldnt do this to a guy i wasnt interested and she is pretty confident also to really go to you and text you but yea i think the best thing is to be often together and you invite her sometimes and something will probably happen

[Senbonzakura]

I agree that stepping up and doing some bold like kissing her would be the best way. I think the idea of having the 'I like you' talk puts her less on the spot and can lead to awkwardness.

The thing is, she outwardly appears as the fun out-going and confident (almost tomboyish) type so I am so so confused if she actually has any romantic feelings or if she already sees me as a pet or a brother. I agree that with 'most' girls, these are very encouraging signs though, but with her... I'm just not sure. Maybe if I stood back and looked at it as a third party it'd be clearer.

Her lips are incredibly soft though. We both smoke (sorry, I do know it's a horrible thing) so when she once took a 'drag' off my cigarette in my hand when we were sitting down she bent down and sucked on the cig whilst it was still in my fingers, but I felt a rush at how soft her lips were. Hmm.. We were even with a group of friends at the time.

I am curious....

[Agape]

She seems like a nice friendly girl . . . all the indicators are good, it's up to you to open up to her

Mind you, "She's a free spirit who says being single is still happy times for her.", so a relationship might be a bit difficult but hey, at least you can have fun and spend time with her and hope for the best

[Senbonzakura]

Some small updates, here's some of the things she's been texting me:

"Haha how sweet of you to remember my dear! Back on campus? Wanna go for a drink?" - (NB: we kinda have a little injoke where I always call her 'dear' and stuff, because we joke about my accent and stuff-- this is after I text her reminding her that she needs to send an email to her teacher)

"Hey!wheres the lecture? I'm lost!!!"

"Haha yes thank you I found it!"

"What you up to? Wanna keep me company while i cook?"

"Maybee...a give me a ring when ur back" -- (I invite her out for a drink because I couldn't hang out with her cooking earlier)


I still haven't confirmed her on FB yet, so she occasionally brings it up once in a while as a little joke. Funnily enough I saw on a post I made on a mutual friend's wall she commented on my post: "pffffff, you're so not my friend anymore btw!" (the post I made on that friend's wall was kinda detailing plans for a small dinner we were having with the other flatmates and talking about our assignment)


So girls, and guys, what's this girl really thinking? It's nearing a month since I met her, so the biggest question on my mind is if I'm stuck in the dreaded FRIENDS ZONE without realising. Is this kinda stuff leaning more to brotherly/pet-like affection? or is it more romantic interest maybe?

THANKS!

[Spoonandfork]

The real question is: what's going through your head? This girl's intentions are obvious but your thought process while all this is going on seems like a complex, internal struggle between romantic feelings and self-doubt

[MerryH]

Why haven't you added her on Facebook, dork? Are you trying to make her think you have no interest in her?

[Senbonzakura]

The real question is: what's going through your head? This girl's intentions are obvious but your thought process while all this is going on seems like a complex, internal struggle between romantic feelings and self-doubt

I've just never really had such a pretty girl ever show interest in me before. None of my previous girlfriends were nearly as attractive and she gives off the 'gorgeous queen bee' type of vibe. So naturally I'm a little 'intimidated'. But I guess I shouldn't be.

I do have feelings for her, but I'm trying to figure out if she's just treating me like another 'pet'/'brother' or as a standout and someone potentially for a relationship. With most girls I guess these signs are good, but with her... I'm not totally sure to be honest since she is the very very confident outgoing type that would socialise with almost anyone who's nice or interesting.

Sure we probably hang out together most and know eachother best on campus so far but that's about it... I'm trying to work out how/when a good moment to just go in for a kiss is. At least then I'll know for sure whichever way!


I'm a bit blind right now, so I wanted to ask you guys as totally neutral third parties who'll have a clearer and less clouded view of the scenario.

Thanks!

[Spoonandfork]

Invite her over for a movie and order out of your choice (eg. pizza, Chinese, etc). If she agrees, then go for a kiss during the movie. If you need help picking out a movie, let me know