I apologize in advance for the length of my post...
She had recently come out of a year-long, abusive relationship when we first began talking. Her previous boyfriend was emotionally and mentally abusive for several months, and she finally had the courage to end it the first time he laid a hand on her. I knew going into this that she would have a lot of issues to deal with, but I was determined to take things very slowly, be patient with her, and make sure she was physically and mentally healthy before I attempted a relationship with her.
We were set up by a mutual friend, so before we ever met, we had lots and lots of conversations. I knew early on that she was someone I could relate to and would really enjoy getting to know because we share a lot of the same morals, values, interests, family structure (our relationships with our families are very, very important to both of us), and we had a similar sense of humor; basically, we clicked right away.
The first time we met we spent the whole evening talking - about her situation with her ex, about her family, about the things which were important to her, and the same about me. We really opened up to each other, and she told me right away that she trusted me. This meant a lot to me, but I was hesitant to get too close to her knowing that she had just come out of such a horrible relationship, so I told her right away that we should just take things slow and work on being friends; her response was that we should be friends but that she could really see this going somewhere.
Since that first evening, she would call me 3-5 times a day and text me when we weren't on the phone, and we would see each other a couple of times a week. The majority of our conversations started off about her talking about her situation with her ex - it was clearly a traumatic experience for her and she really needed someone to talk to about it. Early on, the effect he had on her was evident - it affected her physically because she had lost a lot of weight and would get headaches and anxiety over the stress, mentally and emotionally because she would be lost in thought a lot and would cry; however, over time, she began to mention him less and less and then not at all. Physically she began to feel better and mentally and emotionally she seemed much, much happier. I was proud that I could help her work through this situation, even though I knew it would take a lot more time for her to fully recover.
Through our conversations and our time together, we obviously began to get closer. We would almost act like a couple - holding hands or her holding my arm while we walked together, cuddling and getting close while we watched TV or a movie - and our conversations became more deep. In addition to her amazing sense of humor - we spent a lot of time joking around and making each other laugh - she really challenged me intellectually. We would have in-depth conversations about world events, religion, etc. and we would get into healthy debates about our thoughts and feelings. Never had I met someone who challenged me in this way, and I felt myself developing strong feelings for her.
She would say a lot of things that made me think she felt the same way - she really wanted me to meet her family, she wanted to take trips with me, she saw me as someone who would make a wonderful husband and father, she wants to marry at a young age (she's 23, I'm 25), and she said I had all of the qualities she wanted and needed.
A part of me was still hesitant because of her situation, so one day I asked her about where I stood with her. She told me that she wanted to take things slow, but that she wouldn't lead me on or hurt me. She definitely wasn't interested in any other guys, and she complimented me on the person I am - I'm sympathetic, empathetic, I understand people really well, and I have a good heart (which was the most important quality she looks for in a guy) - and repeated things she had said about me being the kind of guy she wants to be with. I came out of the conversation feeling like we were eventually headed toward a relationship.
However, just a week later, even though nothing had really changed between us, she told me she just wants to be friends and doesn't want anything more than a friendship with me, even though she likes me and has feelings for me. Now she wants to see what else is out there, and just have as much fun as she can. The night she told me this, she called me five times during the day and texted me throughout and didn't give any indication that something was wrong. She basically dropped it on me out of the blue.
Given her situation, I completely understand her not wanting to jump into another relationship so quickly. I told her this several times and was completely honest with her about my feelings, but I don't feel she returned that favor. I feel like I was a crutch to help her get over her ex-boyfriend, and now that she has moved on, she wants to explore. I feel betrayed in a way because I was so honest and I expected her to be completely honest with me, which I don't feel she was.
I know she isn't a manipulative or devious person, but I do feel like my kindness, my company, my understanding, and my help were taken advantage of. My response to her was that I had developed strong feelings for her and I don't think I could just be friends with her at the moment. I need my time and space to process everything and I need to be left alone until I figure my own thoughts and feelings out; basically I told her to stop calling and texting me.
A part of me feels bad because we were so close and I hate to lose this friendship/relationship, but I'm also not a doormat and I deserve to look out for myself first and be happy. It's not fair to me to maintain a friendship with her for her own benefit, and I'm sure a friendship at this time would also give me false hope that it would lead to something more.
So I have two questions that I desperately hope anyone can help me with:
1. Am I right for feeling the way I currently do?
2. Is it best for me to take my time and space so that I can move on from my feelings?
Thank you for taking the time to read my plight, and I sincerely appreciate any and all responses.