in need of some advice

[RdHrshyKss]

hello all. it's been awhile since i've been on here. partially because i've been pretty depressed and didn't feel comfortable coming on here and giving advice about relationships and also because i've been pretty busy.

a couple of months ago i went to poland with my boyfriend and his family. it was an amazing experience. my boyfriend and i have been in a rut for awhile as many of you know, and i was sort of hoping that getting away for a little bit, experiencing a new country, meeting his family and where he comes from, etc. would freshen things up a bit. i really enjoyed myself and his family was extremely welcoming. i got along with everyone, except for one person...my boyfriend. things between us weren't absolutely horrible, but when i have more of a good time hanging out with the girls (his mom, sister and cousin) than with him, i began to realize that things were pretty bad.

i love him. we've been together for 4 years and i wouldn't take any of those years back if i could. we've both done a lot of growing, but i've realized that we've probably reached the end. we've talked about it, and i think we've both come to conclusion that neither of us see each other getting married, neither of us are really happy, and that even though we care for each other very much, we'd probably both be better off breaking up. honestly, it's going to suck horribly when it finally happens, just because i've come to realize that i'm extremely codependent and hate being alone. i'm scared, sad, but also excited at the same time. it's the WEIRDEST feeling. i'm scared to be on my own, to not have my boyfriend there to talk to whenever i need to vent. i'm sad because i've always wanted/hoped that things would work themselves out, but am coming to grips with the fact that it won't happen. but i'm excited because i'm 25 and since i was 16, i've never really been single for that long. i'm excited because there are things i want to do that i haven't been able to get the motivation to do, mostly because i'm always depressed and stressed out (not just from my relationship, but it's a big part of it). i'm excited because when we do break up, i'm hoping i'll be able to be independent and take charge of my life in a way.

now the issue is that we currently live together. our lease runs out in april. pretty much all of the money i earn goes towards rent, loans, and bills. our apartment complex has a pretty extravagant cancellation fee. it's like 2 months rent or something like that. i don't have the money to cough up right now, and i also don't have anywhere to really go. i've already told my parents that i will be moving back home once our lease is up. i don't feel comfortable moving home right away because both my brother and sister still live at home and i don't really have a bedroom to move into. my parents said that they are going to renovate the loft upstairs and turn it into a bedroom for me (something that they've been wanting to do for awhile anyways). i don't want to make them feel rushed or put them out. there's also the issue with my allergies. my parents have carpet all throughout the upstairs (where the loft is) and i get ridiculously sick whenever i go home. my parents, said that they are going to rip out the carpet and put in wood floors. but this obviously takes time and money, so again, i don't want to rush them. i discussed this with my boyfriend, and he is in a similar situation. he has a room back at his parents place, but he isn't in a rush to move back home either for his own reasons. we talked about it and we both decided that we will continue living with each other until the lease is up. once the lease is up, we will go our separate ways.

now i know a lot of people might say that this is a bad idea, but i'm hoping that my boyfriend and i can defeat the odds and come out of this in a positive way. my boyfriend said that he will try to be as supportive as he can be for me while we're living together, and i said i would try to do the same for him. we're hoping that we can figure out some way of preparing for the inevitable breakup, so that when it does happen it will be completely amiable and easier on both of us.

does anyone have advice for me on how to go about this? i know some of you might not agree with this, but if you were in my situation, what would you do? what would you suggest i do over the next 6 months so that i can move on in the healthiest way?

much appreciation in advance to all your responses

[RdHrshyKss]

a little bump.... anyone? anyone? bueller?

[Agape]

"we've both done a lot of growing, but i've realized that we've probably reached the end."
"we've both come to conclusion that neither of us see each other getting married, neither of us are really happy, and that even though we care for each other very much, we'd probably both be better off breaking up."

--> I don't know, but it seems you two are pretty keen on breaking up in the near future. . . about you two moving home, although it's not the 'best' option it seems to be the only option? Are you sure you can't do anything more? Can't you find another place and rent that?

[RdHrshyKss]

it is a possibility but very slim. i could potentially find some slum house in my town to rent but the chances of me finding something i could afford is very limited. i work for rutgers and although im sure there are tons of people looking for roommates, im already making off like a bandit cause my boyfriends puts way more than i do towards rent. something he was nice enough to do since my school loan payments are really high. plus the amount of time it would take to find a place, move in, etc. id be moving right back out before i knew it and i dont think i want to deal with the stress.

my bf and i have come to terms with everything and are both content with our decision so there isnt any hostility at all. were both willing to stick it out till the end of the lease as to avoid all the last minute stress and to build up that friendship structure we will need to move on smoothly.

what im really looking for is some advice on how to go about handling the living situation. should i spend a decent amount of time out of the apartment doing my own thing, to start the path towards independence? should i create a strict no physical contact rule? i know this is something i need to discuss with my bf, but i was hoping that i could get some outside perspectives first before we have the real talk.

our power was out for a couple hours after we got home from work so we went to the movies and saw "red". probably one of the most fun and entertaining movies ive seen in awhile. i highly recommend it ;-)