Need advice regarding breakup plz.

[poppdoctor]

Hi,
This is kind of weird because I have never used these types of forums before and I do not know others do either.
But I have recently broke up with my ex-girlfriend and I can't get her off my mind.
If you guys could please give me advice, I need other people's opinions and advice or I think I am going to go crazy.

This past weekend, I couldnt get my mind off of her at all. I thought of her every second and here I am at work... still thinking about her..
I just saw several youtube videos of "how to get back with your ex" and have done many of the things that they said not to do. For instance, I have already been in the "panic stage"--- text messaging often, questioning her actions and even accused her of sleeping with another guy.
Let me try to explain this as short as possible.

Prior to breaking up, we've had lot of arguments because we are in a long distance relationship (about 400miles apart). It was hard to recover from those fights because we only saw each other once or twice a month. However, everytime we had an argument, I admit that I was overly aggressive--- saying things like "w/e let's just break up" "I don't even feel I like you anymore".
Eventually, we both came to an agreement recently that we should break up but to remain as friends. At first, I was totally content with this decision, but for the past week it has been really bothering me and I think I may have gone a bit overboard. Ever since the breakup, she has been going out alot more (to the bars, out with guy friends, etc) , which she has never done in her life. She is very physically attractive girl (she used to model) but she has a very shy personality. Because of her physical appearance, I know that it would not be difficult for her to get any guy she wants, and since she has been hanging out with different guy friends lately, I have been REALLY insecure. A few days ago, I called her and she was being very sketchy about hanging out with a guy. She said she would call me back in an hour, but I called her back immediately and accused her of sleeping with this random guy. Also, I'm not sure if she is lying to me or not, but alot of her statements don't seem to add up (giving me an instinctive feeling that she is lying or hiding things from me)
I know that I should not care about what she does,etc since we aren't together anymore, but I can't help it. I discovered that I truly love her and I regret the mistakes I made during our relationship. I miss her so much that I can't even concentrate lately at work.
I have NEVER EVER felt this way about any other girl in my life. Please help me and provide me with tips on how to cope with this situation and methods on getting her back.
I am wondering if it is too late? Did I permanently screw up my chances?
Please let me know. Any advice and opinions will definitely help.

For the time being I am going to pick up my old hobbies of art (painting and drawing), music (playing guitar and drums) and focusing on sports again.
I really want her back and want to know the best way to do it without going overboard or being annoying.
Once again, thank you guys so much. It would really help me if you contributed to my situation.
THANKS AGAIN!!!

[gollom555]

just tell her how you feel. thats what i would do. just be honest with her

[poppdoctor]

just tell her how you feel. thats what i would do. just be honest with her

I already tried tell her a few days ago. But she seems like she has moved on already?
If I do it again there are 2 things that could happen.
1. She accepts
2. She says 'no', which will leave me in a even worse situation.
I am wondering if I should devise a plan/strategy that will be most efficient (or give me the best chance) of getting back with her. Even if it involves me not talking to her for a few weeks or so.
What would be the best way to get her back?

[gollom555]

i would say leave it for a bit for things to settle then try talking to her, maybe not inicially about how you feel but maybe try get back in her good books then see if u could have a second chance. this prob aint the best of advice but it is something i would do. good luck

[Judie]

Well, you broke up with her. You have been threatening to break up with her. I don't think she is enjoying the relationship with you as much as the life she's having at the moment. Plus, you have no rights over who she's seeing or even sleeping with anymore, so I think you'll be better off just move on yourself. Admit that you've screw up this relationship and look for something new. Don't try to play with her mind or manipulate the situation... I don't think she would appreciate that and who knows, it might all go south again down the line...

[poppdoctor]

Well, you broke up with her. You have been threatening to break up with her. I don't think she is enjoying the relationship with you as much as the life she's having at the moment. Plus, you have no rights over who she's seeing or even sleeping with anymore, so I think you'll be better off just move on yourself. Admit that you've screw up this relationship and look for something new. Don't try to play with her mind or manipulate the situation... I don't think she would appreciate that and who knows, it might all go south again down the line...

I did break up with her and I did say that I wanted to break up with her before. However, that was all out of anger and the only downfall of this relationship. I admit my mistakes and I am willing to change for that.
I am not trying to manipulate or play any mind games, as I am not in my teenage years anymore. However, I realized how much I truly love her and would do anything to make things okay again.
One mistake I made over this 1 year relationship and I didnt intend it to go like this. I hope there is a way to get her back and I will never make this mistake again

[poppdoctor]

I also forgot to mention that we were best friends prior to the relationship for 3 years

[MerryH]

Even if it involves me not talking to her for a few weeks or so.

Yes, this is the best plan, since you can't seem to help not being an asshole to her. Accusing her of sleeping with other guys? Really? None of your business. YOU broke up with HER and now you're jealous because her life got better. So yes, completely stop talking to her for a while. She deserves a break from you, and you're really going to screw it up if you keep acting like this toward her. Hopefully, after a few weeks of no contact you won't even want to get back with her.

[Agape]

"I did say that I wanted to break up with her before. However, that was all out of anger and the only downfall of this relationship. I admit my mistakes and I am willing to change for that."

Perhaps, but then it just shows you can't follow up on what you say . . .do you want some sort of on/off relationship?

The fact of the matter remains that You broke up with Her, not the other way around . . .and btw, "I have been REALLY insecure.", that's not good at all

[poppdoctor]

I know I messed up and this is a bad situation to be in.
I wouldnt go as far as making it sound like I was always an 'asshole'. Yes, I did say what I shouldn't have said and it was bad towards the end of our relationship, but I've treated her well and she told me that everyday.
In addition, I only posted my side of the story and not hers. So calling me an "asshole" from that one incident isn't really a justifying statement.
I know that still does not make up for my mistake---which is a big one. I understand how much that statement must've hurt to her. And she is not only another girlfriend to me but is also my bestfriend.
I really hope everything turns out okay and that I can truly make it upto her no matter what it takes.
If there is any further advice you can give me, that would be awesome. Thank you guys.

[MerryH]

This:

She said she would call me back in an hour, but I called her back immediately and accused her of sleeping with this random guy.

Is asshole behavior. And since you know it's wrong to act this way yet can't help yourself, you should stop subjecting her to it and leave her alone for a while. It's really unfair to her.

[poppdoctor]

This:



Is asshole behavior. And since you know it's wrong to act this way yet can't help yourself, you should stop subjecting her to it and leave her alone for a while. It's really unfair to her.

I agree with you but you took it out of context. You said "since you can't seem to help not being an asshole to her" implying that I was always an asshole to her and that I always do asshole things.
Thanks for your advice.

[MerryH]

No, I don't think I took it out of context. I took it in the context of you being weird and imposing after a breakup. I didn't mean to imply you were always an asshole to her.

Anyway, I'll duck out. Good luck with everything.

[Agape]

"In addition, I only posted my side of the story and not hers. "

How about doing that? . . . either way, it still doesn't excuse what you did

[poppdoctor]

"In addition, I only posted my side of the story and not hers. "

How about doing that? . . . either way, it still doesn't excuse what you did

well one of our big fights prior to breaking up was that she when out with one of her guy friends without telling me.
All she said was "I am going out with 'a friend' " and never specified. Even when I asked who it was she just said "a friend". I later found out she went to Orlando beach with this friend (who I found out was a guy) and she went to the bars and karaoke with him as well.
Later on, I found out because she ran into one of my best friends, who later told me about it. Also, (I think) because she knew that my friend would probably tell me, she confessed everything the next day, apologizing for not telling me..
This was our 2nd or 3rd to last argument before our breakup.
And because of this occurrence and the other things she did lately is what mostly led me to accuse her of sleeping with another guy.

Again, I know what I said to her was wrong and I did apologize to her earlier this evening. She accepted.
However, there is one thing that she said that caught my mind's attention for the past few hours.
We were talking about how we would still remain best/good friends and she said "I'm not gonna completely cut you out of my life.."
I'm still trying to interpret exactly what she meant by that.
I am thinking it could mean
1) I'm not gonna COMPLETELY cut you out of my life, but I will cut you somewhat out of my life
2) I'm not gonna cut you out of my life
3) Everything says the same

My conclusions are leaving me with option 1.... but I could be overthinking it? What do you guys think?
And thanks again for following up with my situation. =)