Some insight on my attitude towards love?

[chosenhobo]

Hi all, I apologize for my long post beforehand - I had a lot on my mind and it was difficult to sort out. I've been lingering on these forums for the past few weeks, contemplating as to whether or not I should post here, and I guess it doesn't hurt to do so, whether I recieve replies or not, because getting my thoughts out is probably for the best.

First and foremost, if I have to voice my opinion about myself, I like to think of myself as one who is quite different from most other guys my age (18). I rarely fall for anyone; in cases where all other guys will be turning heads and talking about how "hot" a girl is or whatnot, they don't really catch my attention. I pretty much fall for a girl just once every few years, and I become infatuated with her, but always end up being friend zoned.

It has never really bothered me all that much, up until recently. This is the hardest I've fallen for a girl, and I think it's because it's the closest I've gotten to getting a girl to like me. On top of that, I am going to college soon, and I have never had a girlfriend, and it's not that I'm sad that I don't have a girlfriend to tell others about, per se, it's more personal - I feel so lonely. I want to be able to have someone who I am able to share my feelings with, who I can share my life with, who I can live with. I yearn for someone I can hold close, for someone who I can talk to about anything, for someone who I can just be myself with.

I've talked to a few of my closest friends about this, and they have told me that it seems that I have quite a mature attitude for my age, and maybe I should wait for college because high school girls are not mature enough yet. But I feel like agreeing with what they say is just taking the short way out - I don't believe in it at all; in fact, I feel it would be immature to think that way, to see myself as someone who is more "mature" than those my age and therefore "deserving" more.

Yet there does seem to be some sort of border, I'm not sure what it is. Most people who meet me, male of female, are all suprised that I have not ever been in a relationship yet. Although I don't have the best body (I am overweight, but not grossly; football player here, I'd say half muscle, half fat), I have a personality that most seem to take a liking to, and many people have said that it should be easy for me to get a girlfriend, though I do not understand how so many people can say this yet I have not had that opportunity arise to me yet.

I have been really intrigued lately as literally 3 people who don't know each other have asked me today - "Why don't you have a girl yet?". I find it really ironic, because I have just been able to recently get over this girl I have been crazy about, yet all this inquiry has pretty much resparked my insecurities and straight-up gloomy mood.

Am I being unrealistic in hoping for that "right girl", especially in high school? And is it wrong of me to have high standards when my own physical appearance is not of greatest appeal? I know dating at my age is pretty much "practice" and it's not like I'm going to end up marrying and living with the girl I date at this age, but I find it shallow and insulting to just pick up any girl for the sake of "experience" and to check off my "sex checklist" - although I don't show it to those around me, I am a really deep person, and am looking for something more than that - I want a soulmate. Is this approach foolish for a highschooler? Because (no offense to ladies out here) although everyone has been saying that girls are "less shallow" than guys, it seems that all the girls I have fallen the hardest for are just the opposite, they always talk about how hot other guys are, and I'm left feeling awkward/used; this is probably the reason why I am now doubting my standards - am I stupid to set such a high standard for my SO?

[VincenzoG91]

I was an idealist when I was a teenager. I had this whole checklist of qualities that I was looking for in a woman, though I was very aware of my own flaws, like my acne and my awkwardness around women. About once a year, I would develop a hopeless crush on some pretty girl and project all of my hopes onto her. By the time I was 16, I finally worked up the nerve to talk to one of my crushes, only to discover that she wasn't even interested in white guys (though she was white). And when I was 17, I got the chance to finally get to know the girl I was crushing on at age 14, and found out that even though we got along well, she wasn't really my type.

Anyway, I wish I could go back in time and talk some sense into that teenage fool that I was, to avoid wasting those years.

Life is short, though it may not seem like it at first. The best time in the world to experiment and make mistakes is when you are young, because people tend to be more lenient, and you will learn a lot that way. Toss your standards to the side and try to date a lot. Even if you met The One right away, it would be too soon and just wouldn't work out. So date and interact with a wide variety of females. It will be great practice for when you meet someone special, and you will get a more realistic idea of what women are like and what qualities really matter to you.

[M08well]

Theres nothing wrong with casual dating to see what qualities you may actually like in a person. I think many people have an ideal checklist to follow, but try interacting with people you find interesting because that may change what you thought you wanted in a relationship/person. Once you start meeting people, you may find that a person you find interesting does not meet all of your checklist, but they make you happy by complementing your personality. That is what makes us human, our differences and our ability to have our own thoughts and emotions. I'm not trying to start a philosophical debate, but thats what helps drive relationships-complements and differences. Life would be boring! That being said, maybe a bit off topic, I think you should stay true to yourself in finding what you want because your experiences in life may change your opinions. Don't bring yourself down on appearances and don't forget, college is a whole new world. You will find people who feel the same way you do-trust me! I think you should try to be open-minded while staying true to yourself. Good luck!

[Agape]

"Am I being unrealistic in hoping for that "right girl", especially in high school?"

Although relationships shouldn't be tonnes of work and should happen somewhat naturally - love is what you make it . . . you never know what some girls have to offer and you never know what kind of girls you'll meet, so, at least for me, high expectations and unrealistic standards are made to be broken

[chosenhobo]

So it seems like there is a general agreement that I should not be so adamant/picky about my standards? But the problem is that I simply don't get my attention caught by many girls, it's not just standards, it's sort of just natural attraction...

[princedant]

It means by comparison with your love for God, which love is demonstrated in God becoming a man in the Person of Jesus Christ and dying for the sins of the world, and every individual's sins in particular.

[chosenhobo]

It means by comparison with your love for God, which love is demonstrated in God becoming a man in the Person of Jesus Christ and dying for the sins of the world, and every individual's sins in particular.

Sorry, what?

[JELEF]

It's a spammer. Ignore it.