I am a big joke to my old friends.

[sparkle_jello]

Don't feel like you have to read this, I don't need advice, I'm just bitching and moaning because I need a place to vent.
I used to have a circle of friends about a year ago I was pretty tight with. Our friendships soured over the fact that all the females in the group had really good for nothing husbands, would constantly tell me how horrible they are, and I told them how I felt. My husband doesn't hide his feelings, he didn't respect the men in the group, and we were basically exiled. The funny thing is, I didn't expect these guys to be super successful, but one of them had 13 jobs in the course of one year because he couldn't keep a job, and the other refused to work more than 20 hours minimum wage because he was waiting to be 'discovered' for other talents. The wives were also expected to clean, and support their husband's various hobbies financially, it was a sick situation.

It was two other couples, and because of choices they've made in life they were really struggling. The one I was closest to didn't finish high school, and we worked at the same place. While working there, despite the fact I came in two years after her, I excelled because I took classes and achieved my degree. I could tell she was a little bitter about it, so I actively pursued trying to get her to take college classes and do the same. The fact is with healthcare reform going on she may not always have that job available so she needs to make herself marketable, and work will pay for school... she chose not to go because she has to work two jobs already to support her and her deadbeat husband.

Well, I was doing really well where I worked but decided it wasn't what I wanted to do with my life. I quit my job where I was making good money to follow my dream of becoming a police officer. There was like 130 applications, and due to my test scores I was #5. I rocked everything. The run, push ups, sit ups, background check, polygraph, psych evaluation, and then it came up to the oral review board. I had to get a 70, and I got a 69. They said that I needed a greater command presence, and they didn't think I was committed because my degree was unrelated. I got my degree because it was paid for by my work, I thought it was being smart to do so. I am glad I didn't get the job because of affirmative action, but I have to wait a whole year to try out again, and I still have no command presence. I'm 5'5, 110 lbs, I have braces, and there isn't much I can do about it.

Come to find out, I am a big ongoing joke for following your dream. They mock me because of where I was then and where I am now. It shouldn't bother me, but I can't believe how much I failed. Oh, the women love my husband though, and talk about how good he is to be so supportive of me, and how they feel bad he has to take care of me... I'm his WIFE... mother of his child. I work my ass off to try to do something good with my life that I like and could have a future in, what do their husbands do? Sit around playing video games!

If I wait a whole year, I still may not make it next time, in fact, my hearing is so bad I may not pass that portion of the application process (it was the last step after the oral review board). So I sit at home with no idea what to do.

[Sonrisa]

what to do? take care of your child. it's a full time job.

do the rest of your so called friends have kids?

[sparkle_jello]

what to do? take care of your child. it's a full time job.

do the rest of your so called friends have kids?

My child is six so she goes to school. I do chores, but I'm not good at being a stay at home. My husband only wants me to go back to work if I can make what I made before. I live in Waco, TX, but haven't for long. To get a job out here it's usually who you know and I don't know many people. I can get a job, but it wouldn't be making near what I was. When my daughter is home I'm a super good mom. We read together, go over spelling words, she is on the basketball team so we work on that, but I really have no excuse to stay at home like this... I should be out pursuing active employment. The worse thing about it is if I try to become a police officer next year and pass the oral review board, I may not pass the hearing portion of the physical and they refuse to allow me to go there and do it without making it past the board.
Those friends did not have kids, they were both trying though, which I found ironic. I really think they mock me to feel better about their own situation, because it sucks.

[Sonrisa]

what did you do before and why can't you go back to that?

you sound very young, are you?

[sparkle_jello]

what did you do before and why can't you go back to that?

you sound very young, are you?

I'm not young, I'm 28, making my position all the more pathetic.

I used to be in the AF, it was a great place to be but got out because of my daughter when my contract was up. I've done a few things, but got a degree in health care admin because I worked for an insurance company. I cannot go back there, I left on great terms but it would be almost humiliating at this point. I also hated it. I am a very sane person, but the job was affecting me in a bad way. I need a job I can move around and be active and get up and do what I want, I couldn't do that there.

[Sonrisa]

i think that by this age you should know exactly what you would like to do. what is it now?

[sparkle_jello]

i think that by this age you should know exactly what you would like to do. what is it now?

Be a police officer. Sometimes dreams just don't come true.

[WICKED THOUGHTS]

Well, why not boarder agent or chp? And wtf u miss it by 1 point! geeez, dat blows Nway, the dream aint over till u call it quits. imo

[Sonrisa]

Be a police officer. Sometimes dreams just don't come true.

and WHY exactly do you want to be that?

[sparkle_jello]

and WHY exactly do you want to be that?

I feel like I was made to do this. The pinnacle of my career would come when I got to tackle someone....

[Sonrisa]

do you have anger issues?

[doppelgaenger]

Lol jeeze, Ю, cut her some slack!

I wouldn't let 'old friends' bother me, because they aren't friends anymore. Are they? So their opinions and jokes aren't valid. Unlike you, I tend to cut all ties with people who are deadbeats or burnouts. They do nothing but bring me down, and I have a lot of goals in my life to achieve. If only I learned to do this when I was younger, I would be even more successful than I already am; I've had best friends and gfs who made fun of me for doing what I love - I've been called impulsive, foolish, irrational, weird, jack of trades, all kinds of things. I don't let it bother me, though, because I've achieve every short term goal I've made for myself so far.

[Sonrisa]

but i was serious. i've never heard of a woman wanting to tackle someone.

[Only-virgins]

You seem to care to much honestly. You seem to be involved in the drama of their lives as much as they are making you care about yours. Their opinion of yours more precisely. When I cut contact with my friends, I f*cking cut contact with my friends. I don't know where they are, what they are doing, who they are with, and what they think of me ...and that is the way I like it because they betrayed me.

[Lipp]

Social competition is kinda silly, if your old friends were good friends it wouldn't impact it, but people love the drama and the gossip.

Good luck on your dream, will they allow you to retry in a year or so?