New and need advice!!

[collegeguy14]

Hi, I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 3 yrs and counting. We've had our ups and downs but maintained an healthy relationship. The trouble started brewing this summer that just passed, when we started college. By the way, this isn't happening because of college and meeting new people because so far, we both didn't meet anyone from the opposite sex. I think one of our main problems is that I'm still clingy and luvy duby (and yes I am a guy) and she is not at all clingy anymore. She gets sick when I say I love you, and I only say it before we go to bed.. and no we're not living together. She is leaving to go to the army in April which hit us hard, because we're both uncertain if it'll workout. We broke up about a week ago, but I wanted to at least try the long distance thing (I don't like "what if's"). We also broke up at the beginning of September about twice, on and off. Anyways other then that, our relationship has always been great, and I love her to death but all our friends say we don't know how to properly break up... Every time we break up, we end up back together, and I miss her so much, but we've both been having issues recently, and I feel weird.. But I don't wanna loose her. Wtf is going on and what should we do...?

[GuitarmanMCS]

Hey collegeguy,

I am in your age group and I feel your pain. My ex-fiancee recently called off our engagement and broke up with me after nearly 7 years. I can honestly say that you both should probably consider seeing other people. If you are meant to get back together, it will happen. I know this is not the answer you will want to hear. And I will not lie; you will miss the hell out of her for quite some time. The good news is that you are at college. You are going to be surrounded by single women day-in and day-out. With her going into the army, that is also going to be a complex issue. You need to consider she's going to be very far from you; you'll probably end up wondering if she is seeing anyone behind your back and she will wonder the same.

I would sit her down and see if you can work this out once and for all. Maybe establish some ground rules (e.g. staying in touch on a regular basis). However, if she finds saying "I love you" to be "clingy" after 3 years...the problem is on her end, not yours. If she still does not want to cooperate and things feel weird, pull the plug. There is no sense dragging something out if you're only going to get hurt.

Good luck! Remember, despite what you choose to do, this will make your stronger and you'll be a better person for it. It sounds cliche but it is sooooo true.

[Agape]

That's right, you don't know how to break up . . . because you end up together.

Anyways, is the main problem you're "cling and luvy duby"? . . .perhaps you need to make the relationship more mature. After 3 years, infantile affection does get a bit old.

[collegeguy14]

Thank you, both of you. The reason isn't really that I'm clingy, but also because I'm ready to settle down after college and she doesn't want to, she finds the apartment life boring. We both agreed she's cold (doesn't communicate when far, but does think of her loved ones) and I'm the exact opposite, I need to talk to my loved one every night aha.