How To Proceed?-long post

[lovebird72]

Hello Menfolk: I have been dating my guy for a few months & we dated many years ago as well. We've had an intense few months as a couple, this month in particular, b/c...well, he's in rehab for PTSD (military service). It's an open rehab and we're able to text, talk on the phone and visit...which I have done the last few weekends. I could go into all the anxities I have over txt messaging & how much I miss him, but I want to address a specific problem. On Fri night I visited him & we had an amazing conversation where he poured his heart out to me. He's never had a problem doing so before, he's very open/honest and forthcoming, but Fri was more intense & he finally said out loud that he is really into me, wants to keep dating me, and is curious to see where we are headed as a couple. (We also snuck off and had sex...our chemistry is off the charts). However, Sat, he came down w/a terrible sinus/upper resp infection...and he's been down w/it ever since.( He's not faking, I heard his voice). Over the wknd our contact was limited b/c he was sleeping round the clock, still he managed to txt me a few times every day, but no phone calls (unusual). The last day or 2 he's been a little better, & he's attending his groups/meetings in rehab (they schedule him 7am-9pm)...so again, very slow on the txting (normal). I always txt him 1-2x a day...first thing in the a.m. to encourage him for the day..& later if I have something to tell him. I usually let him take the lead b/c of his crazy schedule. NOW, I'm trying to be rational about everything, but b/c of the intense convo...and then 4 days of very limited comm...I'm starting to worry that he's pulling away just a bit. Am I crazy? If he is pulling away does it for sure mean, "It's over"? How do I proceed? I cannot stand to play games, but I don't want to come outta nowhere and ask him. Esp if that thought hasn't even crossed his mind. Could he truly just have been SO sick (or babyish) that the effort to call was too much? It's a touchy situation b/c he's in rehab & trying to focus. I don't want to ruin our potential by being the crazy lady. But I'm suddenly in fear. Help! (BTW-All his txts have been as sweet as always-no change there).

[Agape]

Is his military service going to be a constant thing? . . . that is to say, is his PTSD going to be a constant thing?

I wouldn't say it's "over" but he's probably got some emotional things to deal with. . . does everyone have to do rehab?

[lovebird72]

Hi Agape...no his military service is over...but PTSD can be a lifelong disorder to deal with. Not everyone has to do rehab...but his was affecting him to a great extent. We've talked a lot about our relationship proceeding slowly (I'm all for this)...and how his recovery comes first. I just can't read his mind...and in any other scenario, I would be assertive and just ask what was up. In this case though, I'm being sensitive to his needs...but it's costing me a little of my peace of mind.

[Agape]

Then it's rather serious if no everyone has to do it and it's actually affecting the relationship. . . .how long have you been together? This sitaution might only get worse? . . . anyways, this is some sort of internal problem he has to deal with - only time will tell.

[YouAreBeautiful]

This is a common power with couples with a spouse in the military. I think it is hard for a lot of guy=s in the military to really focus on their relationship on a regular basis. There are a few exceptions based on the guys personality, but for a typical guy it seems very hard. If he is feeling comfortable with you he may think he has done enough to keep you hanging on. Unfortunately this could be a problem if he is the type to be hot and cold..give you enough attention in a short moment and leave you wanting more. You need to figure out which type he is. Just a stressed out military guy having trouble managing his time, or a hot and cold type. I'm keeping my fingers crossed it's the former and you have true love on your hands. Good luck!

[lovebird72]

Thank you so much youarebeautiful...I actually think it might be that he's comfortable with me...and he imagines that I'm doing just fine out here. Also, I think since he's sick with resp/sinus infection...that I should just understand why he's been communicating less. I appreciate your feedback, it was encouraging to me.