Already been intimate/sexual, now she wants to “wait”. Not sure what to think.

[MikeBarrow9]

I started dating this girl about a month & half ago, we’ve slept together three times, first time was a month after we started dating.

Even after the first time she joked about how she couldn’t believe how she gave it up like that, making it seem like she rushed it.

She was over last week and I was trying to be intimate with her again. We were touchy and in the bedroom but she said she wasn’t up for having sex. She further went on to say how she has a lot of things on her mind with family, friends and work and that she wasn’t in the mood, which I acknowledged and left as is.

After we started talking she said how she felt like she rushed into have sex with me and that we should wait a bit before being intimate again, in that she needed to feel comfortable (in a mindful/sober state I assume). It also came up that she thought part of her wants a relationship now but another part doesn’t think she’s ready for a relationship now (she kept the tone neutral, mentioning a relationship in general, not a relationship with me).

I’m left a little puzzled, part of me certainly understands her logic behind saying that in that she wants to take it slow because she likes me, and where this is going and doesn’t want to rush it for the chance on what it could turn into (or is my thinking wrong here?). The other part of me doesn’t understand because if there was a strong bond/connection and since the ice is already broken she should feel the desire to want to be intimate again (as I do).

We have tentative plans to spend the next weekend at a B&B, so one thing that she may have mentioned was that she wanted to save things for that weekend, but again looking to have the rationale explained to me here.

[VincenzoG91]

Sounds like she has an unhealthy attitude towards sex. Maybe she feels like she will lose control over the relationship if you two just have sex whenever the mood is right. Or maybe she has internalized that old-fashioned madonna/whore complex that lingers on in certain segments of our society.

Either way, I expect that you will continue to be disappointed by the quantity of sex in this relationship, for as long as you two are together.

[Agape]

is she socially conservative? . . . it's been a 1 1/2 months? as she said, it's too early for her - how often do you date?

[MikeBarrow9]

I think everyone raises some good points.

Events have changed to where we are not going to spend the few days away in wine country next weekend because she feels as though it is too soon. I understand where she is coming from and I relayed that to her. But that leads me to think about what's going on now?

I do like her, but definitely do not think it's safe to rush things, though my actions MAY have spoken differently at times. Yes we were both drunk-ish when we had sex the first two times, and to me I think her telling me she wants to wait and get to know me more is a good sign (?), in that she enjoys our time together and doesn't want to rush into things (be it too late or not)... I don't think she pegs to keep me around and play the "friend' card, but who knows stranger things have happened.

My plan is to play it out like I have been without attacking it as clingly or boyfriendish and simply as a friend who is a girl, that I share common interests with and enjoy hanging out with. If something happens it happens but definitely not going to try to push for it or get my head clouded with emotions.

[MikeBarrow9]

"My plan is to play it out like I have been without attacking it as clingly or boyfriendish and simply as a friend who is a girl, that I share common interests with and enjoy hanging out with. If something happens it happens but definitely not going to try to push for it or get my head clouded with emotions."

What I mean is to treat her as a friend who is a girl, that is.

[Bella82]

What I mean is to treat her as a friend who is a girl, that is.

It may be a little difficult to treat her only as a friend, especially since you would like there to be more. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that Yes, you would like more, but are willing to wait because you care for her -- try as hard as you can not to place expectations on any part of the relationship. It's only when we set expectations that we get disappointed.

I also wouldn't assume the the "ice is broken" already. After 1.5 months, how much can you say you reallyyyyy know someone? Some people take a long time before they are truly comfortable with a partner, and being intimate can take even longer to feel completely at ease with.

[Agape]

"My plan is to play it out like I have been without attacking it as clingly or boyfriendish and simply as a friend who is a girl, that I share common interests with and enjoy hanging out with. If something happens it happens but definitely not going to try to push for it or get my head clouded with emotions."

What I mean is to treat her as a friend who is a girl, that is.

that's okay . . .but remember you still need to be the dating-potential - not just another guy friend.