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Thread: An odd problem in a relationship.Girlfriend's sex drive is higher than she wants.

  1. #1
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    Aug 2010
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    An odd problem in a relationship.Girlfriend's sex drive is higher than she wants.

    I have been dating my girlfriend for 6 months. and I love her but there is one problem that feels as if there is no solution to.

    I have no reservations with having sex or sexual activities with someone I am dating if I feel the time is good and I am comfortable. I, however, live in a very religious community so I often meet and date people who do not want to engage in sex before marriage and I will respect that, my family is that way and I don't need sex to love someone.
    The girl I am dating now is very special and I am in love with her but our struggle is this.

    After a few months of dating we did some sexual stuff and she initiated it. No actual intercourse, she has never had sex, but other very sexual activities.

    She felt very guilty about it and said we cannot do it anymore. Despite that she still would try to get me to do stuff. I would always ask her if she was sure, knowing her point of view and she always assured me she wanted to. And being a prett sexual guy myself, I was happy to do these things.

    It came to a point where she said, we cannot do this anymore, She said she feels bad about it spiritually and she doesn't think we should do things like this outside of marriage. I respect her and love her so I tell her no problem. (I have alot of self control and it's really no issue for me)

    The problem now is every now and again we will be kissing and she wants to make out and gets turned on and tries touching me and getting me to touch her and being all sexy. Which causes this problem.

    If I give in and we mess around she gets really upset and starts feeling guilty and as with many religious people, thinks if she cannot control herself, she is bad.
    On the other hand, if I stop her and remind her that she doesn't want to, she gets all bent out of shape, says she feels rejected and feels like I don't want her or don't think she is sexy anymore. Which is absolutely not true.

    I am not sure how to handle the situation I feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.

    Any advice?

  2. #2
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    She's trying to get you to wife her up. She feels so "guilty" because you guys aren't married. *eye roll*

    Marry her, or break it off. It doesn't sound like this is going to stop any other way.

  3. #3
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    Talk to her about it, say you want to set clear boundaries because you care about her and can see it's beginning to worry her. Assure her that you are interested in her sexually, but you don't want to be a temptation for her, even though you do want to be a temptation for her.
    Maybe suggest talking to your religious leader together, for suggestions of how to cope (if it's someone who you feel would be understanding and mostly nonjudgmental). Emphasis that this is something you want to work through together, because even if you're cool with whatever your girl decides, you should have some opinions of your own whether you think it would be better to wait or to go ahead or what limits would be best.

  4. #4
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    vashti is offline Hot love muffin guru
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    Buy her a vibrator, and tell her to use it until she has made a decision she can live with.
    Relax... I'll need some information first. Just the basic facts - can you show me where it hurts?

  5. #5
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    Well if you can live without the sex and you get along with her then I guess you could hold out . . . but "she doesn't think we should do things like this outside of marriage", well, does that mean you need to be married? are willing for such commitment, how old are you two?
    You post, you ask questions, you give facts --> I reply, I give quotations, I have opinions

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