My long-distance boyfriend's father died...

[ladeeda80]

We've been together for 2 1/2 years and my bf has never really gotten along with his father. Yesterday he suddenly died and I don't know whether to go home for the funeral. He lives four hours away and I'm at college. I don't have a car and if I went home I'd miss my classes.

My bf doesn't seem to really want to talk about it but I feel like if I went I'd be a crying mess and make things worse. Initially I didn't even want to go because I'd feel out of place... I wouldn't be supporting him.. I'd need the support because I'd be the one crying. My mom is telling me that I should go home and this is the only reason I feel any need to now.

My bf said that I could stay here.. but I feel guilty. I've offered a few times and each time he says that I should stay.

I don't know what to do... and also how do I help him deal with his loss??

[vashti]

If you and your boyfriend have a strong, serious relationship, then you should go. If it's very casual, then don't bother.

[ladeeda80]

Well I don't really wanna go because I don't feel like I can be strong for him, I'll feel weird there.. I feel like it's more of a family thing for him... I don't think I could emotionally deal with it.... I feel like it'd be awkward.

I dunno, I almost want someone to just tell me not to go.

Idk... I need a lot of advice. He's not even pushing me to be there. Last night, after his dad died, he texted me after I offered to come home, he said, "thank you I would love that but I can't ask you to do that not just one day and I won't let you miss school"

[all alone]

Well I don't really wanna go because I don't feel like I can be strong for him, I'll feel weird there.. I feel like it's more of a family thing for him... I don't think I could emotionally deal with it.... I feel like it'd be awkward.

I dunno, I almost want someone to just tell me not to go.

Idk... I need a lot of advice. He's not even pushing me to be there. Last night, after his dad died, he texted me after I offered to come home, he said, "thank you I would love that but I can't ask you to do that not just one day and I won't let you miss school"

I would say go.. just from experience recently, one of my best friend's grand father passed away (had been sick for a bit and was really close to my friend). He was was really thankful we (me and few other friends) all showed up, and mentioned so on a few different occasions afterwards as well. When something like that happens, you just want those your closest too around, so in this case, that should mean you.

[MerryH]

Go. Put aside your personal issues and just be there for your boyfriend. Nobody likes going to funerals, but there's no reason to feel awkward and like you don't belong there. It's not a social event. All you have to do is show up, be respectful and sit next to your boyfriend and hold his hand. This is what you do when you're in a relationship. Wouldn't your boyfriend be there for you if the roles were reversed?

I think not going would send a very strong message, like that you maybe don't care and are not supportive. Also, you will probably always regret not going.

[Agape]

I personally wouldn't go to funerals . . .but 2 1/2 years is probably long enough so you should go.

[Raven_Skye]

Well I don't really wanna go because I don't feel like I can be strong for him, I'll feel weird there.. I feel like it's more of a family thing for him... I don't think I could emotionally deal with it.... I feel like it'd be awkward.

I dunno, I almost want someone to just tell me not to go.

Idk... I need a lot of advice. He's not even pushing me to be there. Last night, after his dad died, he texted me after I offered to come home, he said, "thank you I would love that but I can't ask you to do that not just one day and I won't let you miss school"

You don't think YOU could emotionally deal with it? Wait, he's never been close with his dad and you have trouble with it? Why? How well did you know the man? My dad died last year and my first urge is just to tell you to stop being a wuss, suck it up and go. If you care for this guy, you go. At the time dad died I was in a long distance relationship (the guy living in the UK and me in Holland) meaning it would have taken him 8 hours at least to get here and spend an insane amount of money on booking a flight that last minute. Plus, we weren't that serious. He didn't come over but he was incredibly supportive through it all.

But if you're really serious with him, I say go. Call in sick from school or something, you're telling me you can't miss one day? I know I always could, especially for such occasions. You don't even have to be very present, just be quiet and observe, hold your guy's hand or just stand at his side, even if he's not been on good terms with his dad these things tend to rack up more emotion than you think.
You should put your own feelings aside for this time, no matter how hard.