Stuck in a rut...seeking the help of others to get me out

[ilosegitarpicks]

Hey everyone! Allow me to first introduce myself. My name is PJ, I'm a 20 year old male from New Jersey and im a college student. I've been struggling for the past couple of years in the dating world, and so I'm here to help seek the advice of others. Allow me to first give you a brief background...
All throughout my high school career, I was what I'd call successful with women. Being not the most popular kid in school, and being very shy to new faces, I managed to have various girlfriends all throughout high school. Over the summer before my first year of college, I had broken up with my girlfriend (not because of college I should add) and was looking forward to seeing what school had in store for me.
Now, unfortunately, my results were less than expected. I should add that I am not "in" with the social norms, I don't drink alcohol or do any type of drugs. Ive never had a desire to do so, and as good as it makes me feel that I know I don't cave in, at the same time it also screws me over in the sense that I never had that strong desire to go out and party. Now don't get me wrong, it never stopped me from going to parties, but at the same time I dont exactly call hanging around with a bunch of trashed kids a good time either.
Anyways, lets just say that I've been unsuccessful with relationships since the end of high school. I've been with a few girls here and there, but things just went wrong and unfortunately didn't work out (due to distance, loss of interest etc.). Now, here's where I get to my most recent timeline. As of 2010, I've had 4 potential relationships that in all cases the girl ended up changing her mind. Now, the situations were all slightly different, but to go into them is pointless because well yeah it still ended up in the same result.
At this point I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. Im not the best looking guy out there, but I know that I'm not hideous or anything. And yes, I have a shy personality at first, but I am a fun person and am very easy to talk to once I get to know someone. Is it my personality that does it? I am a very caring, nice person, sort of old fashioned if you will. Im not like most people my age, I'm very respectful and have a hard time "treating girls like shit to get their attention". I think its wrong so I just don't do it. Do I need to be more aggressive? Do I need to push myself past that point and just take authority?

For all of you who read the whole thing, I thank you and look forward to getting some help from all of you. Thank you!

[reeba]

a lot of kids experience this when they hit college. they went to highschool with some of the same kids they knew all of their lives and all of a sudden they are thrown into a whole new element where they have to start over from scratch.

drop the party scene and join an organization on campus that does something else besides binge drinking. volunteer organizaitons are good. usually more girls in those organizations. take a class that is predominantly women - tennis, equistrian, art, music, etc.

but if you want to know if it is your personality, not aggressive enough, etc. Don't you have a friend who actually knows you to truthly answer that?

[ilosegitarpicks]

a lot of kids experience this when they hit college. they went to highschool with some of the same kids they knew all of their lives and all of a sudden they are thrown into a whole new element where they have to start over from scratch.

drop the party scene and join an organization on campus that does something else besides binge drinking. volunteer organizaitons are good. usually more girls in those organizations. take a class that is predominantly women - tennis, equistrian, art, music, etc.

but if you want to know if it is your personality, not aggressive enough, etc. Don't you have a friend who actually knows you to truthly answer that?

Thanks for your reply. I will look into joining a new organization, Im sure my school has plenty of them. As for friends, I do have some who know me well enough to answer that, It's just hard for me to admit that I am having this problem and ask them what they think. I couldnt put a finger on why I feel that way, but I do

[Lake]

Lol i wish I could give you advice but I'm in the same boat as you .

[IncognitoSir]

First, remember that college is nothing like hig hschool for the most part. You're dealing with adult women mostly and the approach is a little different. I think a organization on campus would be great for you to meet new girls and expand your social capabilities. Give that a try and work on the self esteem and confidence too!

[ilosegitarpicks]

Im going to give the college organization thing a try. Thank you for your help! Im open to any other suggestions as well

[YouAreBeautiful]

Are you religious? If so I would try to find a religious organization and look for a girl their. Or perhaps some other conservative organization...a dry group. In college you may not like drinking and partying and that atmosphere, but you may will miss out a lot if you avoid this. Unfortunately this is what the majority of the culture does to socialize and if you don't spend nights at bars and the like you will miss out on a lot of college. Unless there is some type of supportive community or culture in or around your school that feels the same as you, go to bars, go to parties, just don't drink alcohol. I know it can be hard at first and seem pointless when everyone around you is drinking. However, people mature and after freshman year instead of getting drunk and wasted people will simply sit at bard, drink a few beers or non at all and talk and socialize less crazily. But you don't want to isolate yourself from enjoying this prospect later on by avoiding the situation now.

[ilosegitarpicks]

Are you religious? If so I would try to find a religious organization and look for a girl their. Or perhaps some other conservative organization...a dry group. In college you may not like drinking and partying and that atmosphere, but you may will miss out a lot if you avoid this. Unfortunately this is what the majority of the culture does to socialize and if you don't spend nights at bars and the like you will miss out on a lot of college. Unless there is some type of supportive community or culture in or around your school that feels the same as you, go to bars, go to parties, just don't drink alcohol. I know it can be hard at first and seem pointless when everyone around you is drinking. However, people mature and after freshman year instead of getting drunk and wasted people will simply sit at bard, drink a few beers or non at all and talk and socialize less crazily. But you don't want to isolate yourself from enjoying this prospect later on by avoiding the situation now.

Yes, my point exactly. It is hard to find groups of people who arent all about this. And Im ok with going to parties and drinking, thats not necessarily the issue. I just don't want to do that every weekend like most people my age do. Im not very religious, but I guess I could look into these groups!