Parents accepting the significant other

[Superfantastich]

A few months ago I started dating a guy who is 8 years older than myself, and being 18 my mother did not approve. We separated for a short time, But soon we got back together as we both get on very well and he has been very patient and understanding. Her fear of him using me for sex then throwing me away couldn't be further from the truth, four months and still going strong. He has said in the past he doesn't even want to consider it until much later as he doesn't want our relationship to be based on it. Unfortunately at the time dating in secret seemed like the best option just so we could get to know each other better without all the negative external forces, Doe's anyone have any tips on how I should go about telling her that we are still together?

[xxazurexx]

I'd tell my mum straight up that I was seeing him, remain adamant he is a decent guy and I'd introduce them to prove to her he was decent.

Your mum is likely fearing that this guy will take advantage of you and hurt you and because he's older. Personally I don't see it as being that huge of an age gap, you are 18, he is only 26. If you had said you were 18 and he was 32, then I'd more understand where your mum was coming from. When you are 22, he'd be 28 - 32, he'd be 38....I don't see it as a problem

[Boisdevie]

You are an adult. You do not need the approval of your parents. Live your life.

[Poetic_Partner]

Never date in secret.

For you and your lover, it's just disrespectful to each other. For those who disaprove, it gives them all the more power next time.

Don't make excuses either - the last thing you need is to be drawn into a discussion on the matter with your mother. Just keep her up to date on your life and if she wants to talk you out of it, say "sorry - I'm not discussing it, I'm just letting you know."

-PP

[Superfantastich]

Thanks , I know pretty soon I have to bite the bullet and just go for it, it's getting to a point where it's only making things harder

[vashti]

Four months, and he isn't trying to have sex with you?

Are you sure he is interested in sex? I mean, that's a long time to date one girl without any physical intimacy. Unless he is religious, I would worry about his sex drive.

[Superfantastich]

not sure if I didn't write clearly but we are pretty intimate and im fairly sure his sex drive is fine, Im just going on intercourse

[MerryH]

I agree with everyone, you're an adult, you don't need permission to date anyone, etc.

But...

You can understand why your mom is apprehensive, right? Unless she's kind of crazy about this stuff and a controlling harpy, I hope you'll be gentle about breaking it to her instead of like "**** YOU MOM, I LOVE HIMMMM!" It's sweet that she cares, so be nice. Also, do this:

if she wants to talk you out of it, say "sorry - I'm not discussing it, I'm just letting you know."

[Superfantastich]

I agree with everyone, you're an adult, you don't need permission to date anyone, etc.

But...

You can understand why your mom is apprehensive, right? Unless she's kind of crazy about this stuff and a controlling harpy, I hope you'll be gentle about breaking it to her instead of like "**** YOU MOM, I LOVE HIMMMM!" It's sweet that she cares, so be nice. Also, do this:

I do, that's why I think I need to get his intentions out there to put her at ease somewhat, Won't be easy at first but hopefully she'll soon understand, thanks

[eonbar]

shes you mum. she just wants whats best for you. you gotta understand that shes worried, so what you need to do is try and show her that everything fine, hes a decent bloke and that he cares for you. it may take your mum a bit to get over ... but eventually it'll be fine.

at the end of the day if you act like an adult she'll treat you like one

[Superfantastich]

Well I think Monday is going to be the day, we were spotted by the sisters close friend and i'd rather it come from me, although im feeling the waiting was only making it worse I at least wanted to wait until xmas was over though to minimise the awkwardness

[Jman39]

Im 25, and im dating my gf who is 18... so i Know what ur talking about... well we still have to keep it a secret, not cus of hte age thign, but cus shes muslim... so i KNOW how tough it is... but i say this: keep it fun, dont take it too seriously...over time if u guys are still together, it may get more serious, which is fine, cus ull be that much older

[Liam_680]

its not really easy to tell your parents the truth but if you are confident that he is not the guy they think he is, just tell it to your parents, they will ask questions and you can be confident to answer them to prove them wrong.

[Superfantastich]

yeah right now I think im in a situation where I have to, I was really wanting to wait until Christmas was over and all the chaos had settled down