Should I be worried?

[Concerned]

I hope this is the right place for this, if not please direct me.
My girlfriend and I are in a very serious relationship, I am 20 and she is 21, we have been together 3 years and most likely will marry after my college career is complete in another 2 or so years. We knew each other a year before that. It's also a long distance relationship but we have done very well so far.
Anyways my gf doesn't have many friends sadly to to her shyness, she has one male friend she met online 3 years ago around the time we became a couple. I didn't mind really but about a year ago after my gf visited and she left her email open and in it she had saved some IM logs. This guy was flirting heavily with her. Very suggestive very obvious comments. He wasn't subtle AT ALL. She did nothing back or anything and I got over it.
Well we spent the summer together and I got curious and checked her chat logs. Now now I know this isn't right, I violated her trust and I should not have done it. But anyways these logs date way back and much of the same. All through the relationship he had been like that except for a brief period when he got married and later divorced.
Well again she hasn't returned any flirting or anything but she doesn't really stop it either. She claims she just ignores it. I have been concerned however as I find they have had like 400 + texts between each other a month. She also told me that he is coming down on vacation with his family and wants to meet her at a local tourist attraction there (don't want to give away location for privacy reasons) and spend the day together. Lunch, a movie that kind of thing.
And tonight I find he even called her and they talked on the phone for a few minutes.
Part of what really bothers me is this guy for one reason or another openly hates me, and has even told her if he saw me he would try and kill me. What bothers me more then that comment is she doesn't even bother to defend me. I saw the chat logs and basically she just ignores it or barely says much to it. She claims she doesn't want to start a fight. This hurts me because if anyone said that about her I would probably stop being friends with them. Why be friends with someone who has no respect for your SO? At the very least I would defend her. I told her how uncomfortable I am about all and it just upsets her.
I fully admit I have my own insecurity issues and have made many mistakes, but am I wrong to be concerned about this? She claims he has no interest in her whatsoever, I honestly think that it is so obvious he wants her. Why else would he do all that?
I trust her but I am very worried about what this relationship is becoming. So again I ask, am I being completely unreasonable as she thinks, or do I have a right to feel concerned and that the boundaries of our relationship are being violated?

Thanks for any help...

[JoeyJR]

wtf man, discovering those type of texts would be enough for me, i would confront her, and let her know how i feel about all of this, etc, c mon man wat are you waiting for? i wouldnt let that type of stuff fly around, geez, man up and talk to her, and if she gets defensive about it, defending him or something or something around those lines, etc i would give her the BOOT and GTFO..

[Lake]

I don''t know what you should do but I do know I'd be worried if I were you .

[ochriso]

I have been in a very similar situation myself.

I had a girlfriend who i met online, when i met her she was already talking to some guy online and using webcams and stuff. This wasn't a problem though because he lived a 4 hour drive away. Also when we got together she said he was not interested in dating her and she wasn't interested in him either. Well anyway we got together and were in love for a long time. through our relationship i got worried because they were texting and stuff, sometimes talking on the phone just like your situation. I asked her if he was her friend could she stop speaking to him all the time and just leave it for online. I also told her i knew he was attracted to her and that i didn't like him. She always said no he doesn't though and basicly texted him and stuff behind my back. Once he even asked her to come down and see her, she asked me and i told her to tell him to **** off. She probably didnt tell him this but he didn't come down.

Our relationship ended just before new year, after being together for almost 2 years. She told me she was going to visit her brother for new year who lived near london, and told me she wanted a break from me. I was upset but said thats fine and i'll see her when she gets back. When she got back i found out she had gone to visit this guy, stayed in a hotel for a couple nights etc, she told me this.

To cut a long story short i havent seen her for over 18 months now, she is living with this guy and they are together.

This proves my worries at the time were correct, and yours could be too. I would suggest doing something as soon as possible, this guy wants your girl. Why else would you chat to a girl for so long who has a boyfriend and even ask to meet her? although its hard to stop your girlfriend talking to this guy, she can do what she wants.

[xxazurexx]

I don't think you have anything to worry about. he obviously has the hots for her, but she obviously doesn't for him.

Kinda reminds of the guy I have known for over 3 years and I got to know him online too. He likes me a lot, has mentioned meeting many times, we've talked on the phone and when he tries to flirt or talk sexual, I make some excuse and say I have to go out someplace. I just don't see him in that way, but as a friend only and I'm thinking that is all your gf sees this guy as. Someone she has known a while and she will still chat to him now and again.

I guess if you are unhappy with it you will have to discuss this with her.

Just bear in mind that not all females are attracted too or want to bed their men friends and just because our male friends may be feeling it for us, doesn't mean we are for them.

[WICKED THOUGHTS]

Ya, thats a red flag already. its only a matter of time before they hook up. Imo. Good luck

[xxazurexx]

Ya, thats a red flag already. its only a matter of time before they hook up. Imo. Good luck

Don't you think that if she wanted to hook up with him, she'd have done so before now. She's known the guy for 3 years FFS!!! lol

If anything was gonna happen, it would have happened before now.

[girl68]

She's in risky territory. She's allowing an older man married with children to openly flirt with her, and openly disrespect her lover and you're suggesting it's harmless? I think not. She needs to discover why this man means so much to her? Daddy issues? Attention seeking issues? What the deal- why can't she make normal age appropriate friends? I think there's a deeply rooted issue on why she allows this efriendship to continue.