Discussing Problems

[Gribble]

When a woman tells me about her problems I naturally want to fix them for her. Sometimes this is impossible. Oftentimes she doesn't want me to fix them.

What am I supposed to do? I know this is a common issue between men and women. So ladies, I implore you, how should I respond when a woman shares her troubles with me? I'm afraid that in my efforts to help out I belittle her issues. If it can't be fixed easily I point out all the reasons it isn't so bad as she thinks. Which isn't what she's looking for, I'm sure. I try to find the silver lining or I give examples of people who have it worse. Not good.

So say you hate your job, and you come to your guyfriend and tell him about it. There's nothing he can do. You can't up and leave the job. It's a hopeless situation, but you feel the need to voice your frustrations. How's he supposed to respond? What do you want from him? I feel like I should do more than nod and say mmmhmmm a lot, but when I open my fat mouth I usually just piss her off...

[vashti]

You are supposed to say "wow, that's too bad. What are you going to do?"

Or, you could just ask if they are merely venting, or do they want advice.

[Nimrod44]

Many women like to vent and are looking for agreement, validation of what they feel. That's what we often give to one another. It's not about fixing a problem but offering support in most cases. They want someone to listen to them.

Men do like to fix things. Yes, some women will take offense to that if they feel that you are trying to fix them or the way they approach a problem. Women (or men) who are pessimists especially won't want to hear about the "silver lining" to any issue. They can thrive on the issues and attention they get from them (negative feedback).

In this case I like Vashti's answer to say "wow, that's too bad. What are you going to do?" That can prompt the woman to find their own solution to the problem by venting.

[Ariadne]

Most of the time when I'm complaining about stuff I just want someone to get angry with me. Say I'm complaining about that annoying bitch I work with. Most of the time I'm looking for a response like "**** that crazy bitch! You're way hotter anyway" or something along those lines. =P

[misombra]

What I usually say is. "That sucks. I'm sorry you're going through this." If I've gone through something similar I say "yeah, I've been there I know how you feel."

I have found that saying something like that to someone who is stressed actually has done something significant and helpful. It' helped them to calm down and not feel so alone.

[Lovable]

Well it would depend on the conversation.

If 1 of your lady friends sounds like she wants actual help from you, then you would know to try to help her out of her jam.

If she wants to vent, then let her yell, scream, bitch, moan away.

Have you been able to tell the difference when your lady friends want actual help or they want to vent?

[xxazurexx]

We don't normally tell you our problems and because we want help...we just like to talk and whinge about stuff and someone, anyone to listen ... I can fix my own shit, thanks. Lol

If I want advice, I ask for it.

[Charlie Boy II]

I learned to just say "I know, I know" "yeah, I known".

Listening to women venting is the worst, worst boyfriend duty. I HATE it. Thankfully my lady friend almost never vents, but some women it seems to make up about 50-70% of their conversation.

[Applesauce]

let them vent and then agree at the end (srs). I've given up trying to help girls with their problems

[doppelgaenger]

Girl: [rant][rant][rant]
[raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant]
Guy: [not paying attention] "uh huh"
Girl: [rant]
Guy: [through one ear, out the other] "I totally know what you're sayin'."
Girl: [rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant]
Guy: [focusing on video game more and less on girl] "I'm so sorry, do you need a hug? How 'bout a hug?"
*hug*