when is a lie a lie?

[confused101]

Ok, so if someone doesn't tell you something is it a lie, or is a lie only not saying the truth of a situation?
My bf has repeatedly omitted some important things about his life - and it all hit the fan recently. He thinks not telling me certain things are ok, I think they are lies.
Any opinions?

[sleepy]

what kind of things does he omit?


here's a rough scale:
+not telling you too much about an ex: meh. not a big deal. 0-1
+not telling you he was married before: not good. 7-10
+not telling you he was in prison: 10

[squirrley]

Theyre not lies. He's just not ready to tell you everything yet, and or he feels that its not relevant to your relationship. People tend to keep certain aspects of their lives to themselves, thats not a lie, theyre just not comfortable with it and or ready to tell all kinda thing. Dont take it personally. A lie=he cheats on you.

[Steve2004]

if you didn't ask him. then it's not a lie. it's different if you ask him something and he doesn't tell the truth. But if he just..doesn't say something because the opportunity never presented itself...then it's not a lie...like i didn't tell my boyfriend that i chewed a mint today in class...definitely not a lie.

[confused101]

Well this is where it gets complicated. It all started with an accident he was in...he was picking up some woman (supposedly the gf of a friend) in order to take her to the bar where they were meeting the friend. He did not tell me this, but called me after his accident. So that's when everything went a little nuts, because one lie leads to another etc....

So I did the worst thing anyone can do - and looked through his email. ANd of course I found stuff - emails to other women, personal adds, some really disturbing attempts at trying to arrange threesomes and homosexual encounters. When I asked him about all of this he explained it as he was just really lonely (our sex life has been basically non-existent for too long) and needed to feel attractive because he thought something was wrong with him. So we've been trying to work on that. But the problem is, I have some serious trust issues now.

He thinks that he did nothing wrong, because it was his private life. I have a problem with it. He says he never cheated on me, couldn't cheat on me even though he really wanted to have sex.....but if he's lied about one thing, why not this?

[sleepy]

o dear....if you are already at the point of snooping the communication and trust in the relationship is awful, almost past repair.

it sounds like there are a lot of other problems besides his slight omissions - lack of sex, privacy, openness. is there a way you can start talking about those things instead?

[confused101]

we're trying to, but I keep getting hung up on the lies/omissions.

[Jenrick285]

It all starts with a little white lie
Hell yeah I want to girl to lie through her death and tell me I'm like Don Juan and I'm the best she's ever had in her life... Muhahahaa... which I know would be a lie =p

But there's real lies... the ones that strike at the heart of the relationship that will move you in ways of how you trust him or her. I think someone else had a similar issue, and to boils down to trust. Are you ready to put aside all the things that pop up in your head when they come home later than you expect, or they seem distant and they tell you that it's because of a long day.
It's not impossible, but its extremely hard... but for now, actions speak louder than any words. And even after you two sit down and put everything on the table and start clean, there's more lies.. then it's probably better if you leave.
Once they lie to you, and get away with it, it just gets easier and easier to lie.

[loveisbitrsweet]

I absolutley agree with everything Jenrick said. I recently broke up with a scum bag myself who started out with a little white lie about what he lived in and caught little things here and there, but he always made excuses. I did the same as you and went through his email and found out he had been trying to get with girls and his ex girlfriend, because of how low his self esteem is. The point is dont get involved with someone who has low self esteem because they usually always end up lying or cheating to try and up their self worth. Also once a liar always a liar, it just gets worse..as my favorite motto goes, "when in doubt, get the f*ck out!" believe me it'll save you from any future heartache to leave now. I'm glad I wasnt really attached to this guy and could get rid of him like a moldy cheese..I feel in order for you to be fed into more lies you really do need wake up and get away from this liar, he already has tried many times to cheat on you, he's not worth it.

[turbomx3]

Loveis bittersweet hit the provrbial nail on the head if in doubt get the fcuk out!
Once a cheat always a cheat!
Once a liar always a liar!
Leapords only change their spots when the need to ?

Fcuk a liar I used to lie all the time when I was younger I lied to girls, friends everyonme casue i didn't really know no better but it was mainly because I was chicken s**t I don't lie to anyone now cause now i'm a man and with each choice I make I have to be aware that I am responsible for the reaction which comes about. If you trust him stay if not leave? but I have to say if I was still with the same girl i'd be lying my ass off now! Because I woud iof not learn't any better!

[JasonRebel17]

if you didn't ask him. then it's not a lie. it's different if you ask him something and he doesn't tell the truth. But if he just..doesn't say something because the opportunity never presented itself...then it's not a lie...like i didn't tell my boyfriend that i chewed a mint today in class...definitely not a lie.

Watever she says....

[Junket]

Ok, so if someone doesn't tell you something is it a lie, or is a lie only not saying the truth of a situation?
My bf has repeatedly omitted some important things about his life - and it all hit the fan recently. He thinks not telling me certain things are ok, I think they are lies.
Any opinions?

A lie is a lie only when the 'truth' is actually turns out to be a lie.

[cbee]

A lie is a lie only when the 'truth' is actually turns out to be a lie.

BUt there are ways of bending the truth which are just as bad as lying and make you think one thing when what actually happened was something else. My ex was a master of it I've now found out.

[Junket]

BUt there are ways of bending the truth which are just as bad as lying and make you think one thing when what actually happened was something else. My ex was a master of it I've now found out.

Wait who the **** came up with such a stupid question as 'when is a lie a lie?' I mean, what the hell, a lie is a lie is a lie. It can't be anything but.

[blued]

I learned from my past experienced. White lies can lead to destroy a relationship and I have learned my lesson from it. I have white lies with my ex a few times and he caught me that I lied to him. (no big deal lies) Like : Did you go out today>? my quick answer was no. Did you go to the mall? I answered no... but all of these Qs has a Yes answer and that is a white lie that he can"t accept' why should I lie with small things? he must think that I have more bigger lies that he didn"t know.

tell the truth and you will have a fruitful relationship")