He never wants sex or alone time?

[baker843]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 10 months and have known each other for 5 years. We've discussed a future together and have a pretty healthy relationship with the exception of a couple of big things. We are both 28 years old.

His mother lives in Florida, we live in Ohio. She has come up to 'visit' him and has been here for a month. She doesn't plan on leaving for another 2 months.

It would be fine, except for: He has a one bedroom apartment, and she has to go everywhere with us.

We can't go to dinner, the store, or even sit in the living room without her being with us. She's a nice lady, but I have not had one single moment alone with my man since she has been here and the way it's going, WON'T until January. I feel very selfish, but at the same time, I want some time with my boyfriend, even if it's one night a week that we go eat dinner alone together.

He won't come over to my house because he doesn't want to leave her by herself (He hasn't actually said this but I get the feeling that is the reason he won't come over to my house.) He refuses to come sleep over at my house over night even though I live one block away from him.

We obviously never have sex because she's always only feet away from us at all times. I'm getting so frustrated with it that I've stopped going over to visit him every single night. They eat dinner together, go to the store together, you name it. Again, it's his mother so I feel conflicted and very selfish.

We had talked about getting engaged and moving in together next summer. His mother has mentioned more than a few times that we need to be sure to get a bedroom for her because she'll be here a few months out of the year. It wasn't even discussed with me.

Do I have a right to be upset about all of this? or am I being a selfish person? Furthermore, how I can gently tell my boyfriend and I respect and like his mother but I don't want a 3 way relationship with her the rest of my life?

[Boisdevie]

Talk to your man, tell him how you feel. He needs to decide who is the priority - you or his mum

[girl68]

Hell yeah you do.

Big time mamma's boy? You'd better NOT proceed with marriage/ move out talks until you're fully able to express your concerns. Ask him why his mother needs company at all hours of the day? She sick, lonley, mental issues, seperation anxiety? What?

I REALLY don't see a big freaking deal in wanting some alone time I'd be more than a little fed up. It's alarming though that he doesn't think spending time with you is any sort of big deal.

[Charisma]

I'd be pretty pissed too.

His mum should respect your relationship as much as he should, and all this making mother number 1 priority is pretty crazy imo. Especially having to sleep in the same room as his mother!!!

Actually, it sounds very odd to me, especially if she's already telling you that you have to have a bedroom for her for a few months of the year that she visits. Who does she think she is to tell you how to live your future with her son?!?!?! Whatever you do, take a long hard look at how big a role his mother plays in his life before you consider moving in with him, let alone anything else you do with him in the future.

What happens if she decides on how to raise your future kids(IF you decide and have any). or what sort of job to have, or what car to drive, or when you can take a holiday, and to take her along too, and to not leave her on her own during the holiday, and to share a room with her.....Any sensible person would say no way before this. He may not get around to it.

He's probably got a weak spine when it comes to setting boundaries with his mother, or something like that. He's 28 ffs.

[MerryH]

Ugh, I feel for you, OP. My gut reaction is to say run, RUUUNNN! But if everything else about this guy is great, I don't blame you for wanting to work it out. You're going to have to talk to him about this and set some ground rules for visitors when you live together. And he has to be fully on board with it and always on your side. You're never going to win if it's him and his mother against you.

You have every right to be upset and you're not being selfish. Seriously, a three month visit is way excessive, especially if he has to entertain her the whole time. And she obviously doesn't understand boundaries if she's already demanding her own bedroom in your new place. Oh my god. What a nightmare.

You can try telling him, "Honey, I really like your mom and I'm glad you have such a good relationship with her, but I feel like we can't have any alone time when she's around, and our alone time is very important to me. I'm also alarmed that she's requesting that we have an extra bedroom solely dedicated to her when we move in together. As much as I like your mother, I don't like the idea of allowing her or anyone else to spend extended periods of time in our home. I just wouldn't be comfortable with that."

It would be great if you could let us know how this turns out.

[Danni85]

Agree with all other posters.

You are not being selfish. This is complete madness!

I'd say it was appropriate for his mum to visit for a week MAX! Even that sounds a bit excessive to me. Ideally, I'd want it to be a couple of days, once or twice a year. No more.

You have every right to tell him how you feel about this.

[Your_Memory325]

In my opinion, shes just pushing you away from him. Which clearly isnt what you want. Do you know her opinion on you? I mean you never know...they say mother knows best for her son. Maybe she's doing it on purpose to see how far she can push your buttons? But anyway talking with your man is the best thing in my opinion. He deserves to know how your feeling. Try and get his opinion on the whole situation as well. Shes a grown woman who raised him, i dont think it will hurt her to be alone for a night. I mean i can understand that he prolly misses her and wants to spend time with her, but he needs to have your feelings involved too, not just his.